How do you really know your a lesbian or bi?

I don’t know why but my first kiss was a guy was terrible. Sometimes I wonder if I am just gay and don’t know it. I always found girls attractive.
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Superb Opinion

  • Although your question seems directed to women, I'll answer as a gay man since our driving forces are probably similar. When I was an adolescent, I always had a strong suspicion that I was gay as I never really found women attractive, but was turned on by men.

    To conform into the society, I tried dating girls in high-school, which always ended in disaster. I liked girls as friends, but intimacy was zero and kissing a girl felt forced and downright terrible, similar to what you said for yourself. Some of those girls even said I was probably gay.

    When I got used to the feeling that I could actually be gay, I think it got reflected into my outward behavior as well, because more and more people started thinking I was gay even before I said it out loud.

    Finally, after having my first gay sex experience, I was quite convinced, because sex with a man felt great and filled in me something that was always missing. Subsequent sex encounters with men left no doubt in my mind. Since then, I have only had sex with men, always as a bottom in bed, and happy.

    In time, romance also got added to sex, and I had a few boyfriends with whom I shared both love and sex. Now, I know I am truly gay and have always been.

    So, it could be a long process for you until you find yourself. The fact that kissing men was a terrible experience for you is quite telling. Finding girls attractive adds more to the mix. You might very well be a lesbian, which you can test after being intimate with women. Is that a route you can take, do you think?

    • I could try. I don’t have friends to be honest. But, I don’t know. I remember when I was a kid look at the old Macy bra paper magazines. Did you do that at a young age? Also, since I am a virgin, I don’t know. I never wanted to do it with a guy. I tired to force myself but it just feel a bit gross to me. So, I never go that far. I have such a limited experience

    • I know it's not easy. For the first time, it could take courage to go try having sex with someone else, let alone someone of your own sex. My answer to your question is yes, but with a twist. I did look at images that turned me on at a young age, but it was always of men... I know it's somewhat corny, but I loved looking at men naked waist up, with a muscular body. Later on, I have also started dreaming of penises. I never felt anything remotely comparable for girls. Even naked women did nothing to me... When I tried being with a girl, it felt gross just like in your experience with boys. From everything you said, you're probably a lesbian, and that's for the better. There is nothing admirable in straight life. Although I am at the other end from you, I think I understand where you're coming from... If you feel like talking to someone else like you, feel free to write back. No judgment from my side...

    • I am not saying if the opportunity that I meet a nice guy that I am attractive to that I won’t accept. But I always wondered if I am just more into girls. Lol I think my boss thought I had a crush on her. She look liked a guy but she look really sweet. I don't know, lol 😂 not that I have a crush on her but I felt the tension. Lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't. Even people who think they are, might not be. It's all about what you convince yourself (or let others) to be.

    As far as your justification goes: I once had a bad cheese sandwich, I didn't make drama, and convince myself I might be wheat/whey/lactose/gluten intolerant as a result. I also fvcking hate aubergine, but I don't mind other having it, nor talk out against it being made.

    Stop trying to convince yourself to justify your opinions. You'll just end up depressed, when you can't keep up the facade, and can't back out and change path. Get yourself a better person and be a better person.

    Just "liking" something is not justification. I like to punch people in the face, doesn't mean I will do it to anyone, at any time. It's just satisfying to hear and feel "the crunch".

    • You can compare that to sexual perferance

Most Helpful Girls

  • Do you feel attraction towards men? You’re straight. Towards women? Lesbian. Towards men and women? Bi. Towards neither? Asexual. Of course there are more sexual orientations but these are the basic ones.

    • On the surface it might seem that simple. Sexual attraction is the kind of thing that has a lot of nuances to it and is best best taken on a individual bases.

    • True. I agree.

    • I wish it was simple! I am all three

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 5
  • Could be Bi, apple, Give it a Try? xx

  • Sexuality is a spectrum that is fluid and dynamic. There’s no test to see how you identify, everyone is different, and this may change with time. The research by Dr. Kinsey in the beginning half of the 20th century showed that few people identify as entirely homosexual or heterosexual (given the understanding of sexuality at that time). No matter how you identify, know that it is perfectly fine and that you don’t need to change who you are. Asking questions is a good step. Remaining open-minded and curious will help you along the way. How you feel now might be different from how you feel at another moment in your life, and that’s alright.

  • We don’t need labels, we should just enjoy kissing which ever friends we wish.

  • You probably just experienced a bad kisser that happened to be a guy. The way you know if your lesbian or bi is knowing who you feel attracted to in a romantic and sexual way

    • Currently nether but I am always question if

  • Who you are attracted to...

  • One guy not a criter you likes mrn or not. You shoukd be try few men then give your decision.

  • Maybe the guy was just a bad kisser


    I knew I liked girls when I saw Lucy lu in Charlie's angels I knew I was into guys when I saw a guy dressed like a girl and found out he was a guy and thought to myself I would still fuck him I knew I was into transgender women at least when I saw one and ones like dam she look good she can get this dick too

    • Hmmm I never thought about guys like that. I mostly like girls. Lol 😂

    • You might be a lesbian but you used the word mostly so maybe bi

  • Who do you feel attracted to?

    • Mostly girl... but sometimes I think I am asexual

    • Okay.