Why do men love submissive women the most (BDSM and/or day to day life) ?

[Anonymous]

Porn is extremely violent towards women no matter the category. Also, men want to be served and so on... Why don't they want an equal?

[MrOracle]

Do you have any idea how hard a man has to work to provide for a wife and family? And do you know how much extra work and thought goes into being a dominant?

Being a dominant doesn't mean being a slaveowner who sits around being fanned and eating grapes. Being a dominant means CONSTANTLY giving the submissive attention and thought and being creative. If you talk to submissive women, they'll tell you in their own words that there's a HUGE difference between a good Dom (one who does as I describe in the previous sentence) and a bad Dom - bad Doms put in little effort and are boring and uninteresting and won't keep a sub around for very long.

You don't get to be dominant by sitting around the house doing nothing - the Doms I know are among the hardest-working people I know. Many run their own company (s) and have tons of responsibility and work long hours. And Dominant husbands provide for their subs/wives, often very well. But, yes, they expect their subs to do certain things too. That's not unreasonable. And here's the thing: subs WANT to do those things, and they WANT to be led by a dominant.

Of course, many women aren't submissive - sexually or otherwise - and that's fine, but such a woman shouldn't expect to be in a relationship with a dominant-type man either, because it's not going to work. There are plenty of men who are happy to let the woman lead, and that's who they are compatible with.

There's very, very few people are or could be totally "equal" with their partner - in the real world, that's just not something that's very common.

[Asker]

Spare me the details. I used to be a domina for 7 years. Also, I work hard, I was a hard working student,... I know what working hard and leading people is. Men aren't the only ones to do it. No matter how hard it is/was, I would never want to change it. This is how I am. Men don't want to understand it. Maybe many women want to be a sub but many are dominant too. Just let us be who we are. And being dominant doesn't mean I'm not féminine. Just because a girl is submissive doesn't mean she's feminine.

[MrOracle]

No one is trying to change you. I'm happy you've figured out who and what you are, and what you want in a partner. That's all that's important. You know what you need in a partner, and you can find people like that, and everything's great. Likewise, dominant men can find submissive women. That's okay too, right?

[Asker]

I have some problems with that as most dom seem to believe this is how "things should be". I've never thought women were superior to men and treated men as inferiors even when I was into BDSM. I do understand people deserve to be respected and no gender is above the other. If anything, I was a big fan of sub guys because of the gifts they were giving us. On average, I guess real dominas love them passionately lol. I'm not sure dom men think that way. Most believe women should all be submissive and women are essentially inferior. Sub women think the same way. This mindset is very dangerous for me and women like me or simply the "independent vanilla ones". That's my problem.

[MrOracle]

The reality is that the majority of men have been in dominant positions, and women have been in submissive positions, for the whole of human history - but there have also ALWAYS been exceptions to the rule. It's never been 100%. The men saying "that's how it should be" have a point: it's the natural order for the majority to be that way. But you also have a point in that ALL women don't follow under that rule, even though most do. History is full of strong women who have taken the lead, from queens to military leaders to inventors, song-writers, authors, inventors, scientists, and so on. They might have been a minority, but they've always been around. Only an idiot or a really ignorant person would deny that.

[Asker]

Many people are stupid and ignorant then.

[MrOracle]

Yes, yes they are.

[Asker]

And everyone has always tried to change me. They can try but it will never work.

[bone69]

Cause men are nasty dogs and weaken don't wanna be so we can't be equal

[SueShe]

Men have since the dawn of mankind been dominating women for their sole physical pleasure. This type of behavior is anchored in the DNA and is not likely to change in the long term future.

It takes more than just 100,000 years to change what is part of the genetics and the domination by one gender over the other is not likely to ever change, despite laws and regulations.

Men have always misused women by objectifying and sexualizing them. This harmful and noxious behavior has spread later in evolution by preventing women to access education and it is not until the end of the 19th. century that women were finally "granted" the right to education, as if education needs to be authorized by one gender.

Violence is here to stay in bedrooms because the one gender is not ready to accept equality, not even within the 4 walls of their own home.

[Asker]

So true. Have you seen this: Research company Savanta ComRes asked 2,002 UK women aged between 18 and 39 if they had experienced slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex, and if it was ever unwanted. The sample was weighted to be representative of all UK women by age and region. More than a third (38%) had experienced these acts and said they were unwanted at least some of the time, while just under two-thirds of women had either experienced it and said it was never unwanted (31%), or they had no experience, didn't know or preferred not to say (31%). The Centre for Women's Justice told the BBC the figures showed the "growing pressure on young women to consent to violent, dangerous and demeaning acts". It said: "This is likely to be due to the widespread availability, normalisation and use of extreme pornography."

[SueShe]

This is indeed possible and in my opinion, only the tip of the iceberg. Like assaults on women are not all reported and there is an unreported percentage that would make these figures even more harrowing.

[Asker]

True. What do you think about BDSM for instance? To me this a good way to justify women's abuse.

[SueShe]

I am totally against it as to me, it is just another term for objectification of women. It is an elegant way for guys to manipulate women into something that they are generally opposed to. It is subtle use of psychological pressure on women to make them obedient to the perversions of their master. It is modern day slavery in a way.

[Asker]

Exactly Finally! There's at least one smart woman here 😃

[MannMitAntworten]

I recall BDSM being a largely non-thing till, 50 Shades became a popular thing with women. The author, a woman, wrote the book and it is women who largely bring up this interest with their men and not the reverse. The pornography being a money driven business like all other business decided to capitalize on this bizarre growing kink. This phenomenon was first brought to me by a woman I had met nearly 13 years ago. She informed me she was into “rape fantasy”. She explained and I told her flatly, “I am not the guy for you...” she nonetheless pursued. She detailed the depth of this with me which only furthered my cringe. A few years later I met a dentist who while making out she tells me she likes being choked and slapped on the face. Two more women would follow with this same interest up to and including the use of whips and tying up. This doesn’t even illuminate the number of women friends who have expressed their interest in this, “lifestyle”. My point in sharing this is I see clearly that this purely leveraged upon men as a way for us to, “dominate” and “subjugate” our women. This neglects the element where a segment of women pursue this form of intimacy even if against their man’s personal interest to engage in these acts. This leveraging takes no accountability by women who profess to desire these acts which as the rape fantasy woman I knew once confided with me how she felt guilt thinking she may have broken one of her tryst she had turned on to this fantasy of her’s by saying, “I think I may have opened Pandora’s Box and created the next serial rapist.” It’s a disturbing thought but dark acts have darker consequences. Men and women seem to both be engaging in bizarre sexual interest and copious consumption of pornography which much like someone living their entire live’s online tends to desensitize them to conventional normalcy. You can all have your porn, your BDSM, your Dominate/Submissive ridiculousness. For myself, I have no interest for any of it.

[Asker]

@MannMitAntworten One question : are you sure? Research company Savanta ComRes asked 2,002 UK women aged between 18 and 39 if they had experienced slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex, and if it was ever unwanted.

[Asker]

An other : why would anyone want to be treated like that?

[MannMitAntworten]

Yes, I am positive. Further, your own study of reference said only “1/3” experienced unwelcome. The other 2/3’s either never experienced or wished for it. Now, the sample did not ask the question of who actually wished for this. Furthermore, sample studies have a +/- 4 percent margin of error usually, and still, even with these samples, it is still scientifically disingenuous to say these result speak for all women within the United Kingdom. Not to mention framing question does not get to nuance and other data points. All statisticians realize they can manipulate the data. Heck, one member here, a women, used to do this for a living and has spoken to this reality. After all, America’s Candidate Clinton per statistical data was projected to win by a landslide. That is just one example. If no woman desired this lifestyle there would be no “lifestyle events” in the first place. One another note, it was UK author who penned the 50 Sades and other erotic fiction that jettisoned this whole nuttiest into the fronts of many women to begin with. Just because you may not find this stuff remotely of interest and degrading (and I am right their with you), it does not mean every women feels the same as you. Neither women nor men are monolithic in thoughts or actions. Also why both sexes tend to hate, “all women...” and “all women...” et cetera et cetera ad nauseam... Personally I am of the belief it is a small segment of women who genuinely desire this in the deeper degree beyond having their asses smacked or arms tied back with fuzzy cuffs. It is also my understanding that there exist a huge level of trust dynamic which in hearing out one friend, in spite of her being the submissive, it is really her who is in complete control. Which makes sense knowing her as she is quite the controlling “Type-A” woman to begin with. There is a lot more to this whole thing beyond ropes, whips, smacks, and dungeons... so on and so forth.

[Asker]

@MannMitAntworten Sure it's a conspiracy 😉

[HeadCase1]

You're 18? Stay away from those universities which indoctrinate people like yourself. Learning requires an open mind. If you open your eyes and ears there still might be hope for you

[MannMitAntworten]

Conspiracy theory? Not remotely the response I expected.

[Asker]

@HeadCase1 Try opening yours then

[HeadCase1]

My mind is open. I am highly educated, plus I learn by observation. Reading your words tells my you have a skewed perception of reality. Do this with a friend. Get a dollar bill and hold it between you and a friend. Ask your friend to describe what he sees. It won't be the same as what you are seeing even though you are looking at the same object. Thus true observation allows for true learning and knowledge. You need to look at the big picture before you can determine what is reality

[SueShe]

Thanks for the MHO :-)

[Asker]

You're very much welcome mon amie 😉

[SueShe]

Ah, tu parles français. Très bien. Bonne journée.

[centerline]

we do... you haven't found the right guy yet.

at times we want to be dominant, and other times we want you to be dominant, and during these times the other person has to be submissive... but for everyday living and loving we want an equal partner..

it IS true that when a woman plays an innocent, weak and needy woman who needs a man in her life to do things for her, the guy will step in and take over the role of the dominant person in the relationship, but when the woman shows herself to be competent and his equal, an intelligent and decent man will recognize this and allow her to be herself...

[Berethor]

Submissive women are feminine women, but you wrong about all porn being extremely violent towards women, you should look for sensual porn, but it's true that most porn is on the rough side, because that what most men prefer, and because most people that make porn videos are not real couples, so don't expect them to be romantic, porn is based mostly on lust, not love.

Having a totally equal relationship and sex is easier said than done, how truly equal sex looks like? first a woman ride on the man and then the men gets on top? well actually there is a lot of porn videos that have them, but many women are too lazy to ride, so I believe that it's more of women fault than men fault, especially when it comes to sex itself. :)

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WomenAreDelicate

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenActWomenAre

[Asker]

Submissive women are women with low self-esteem and low ambition. Most porn include some type of violence against women: slapping, spanking, hair pulling, gagging,...

[Berethor]

You made a serious study about porn? I believe that porn videos without slapping and gagging are much more common than porn videos with slapping and gagging, also I heard more women that say that they like to get slapped than men who say that they like to slap women. Most men are fully capable of enjoying normal sex, I feel like many women are into rough sex because they are compensating for the fact that they are less sexual than men. :)

[Asker]

No, men don't tell because of the supposed stigma lol.

[Asker]

And men are desperate about sex. Women believe degrading themselves is sexy, that's why they do it.

[Berethor]

Why you think that they have low ambition? is being an attractive woman is a low ambition? :)

tvtropes.org/.../MenAreStrongWomenArePretty

[Asker]

Attractive? I was talking about "submissive" not "attractive" women.

[Berethor]

Submissive women are usually more attractive, femininity makes women more attractive. :)

tvtropes.org/.../NoGuyWantsAnAmazon

[Asker]

Submissive is different from feminity.

[Berethor]

How is that different? dominance is a masculine trait, not a feminine trait.

tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenAreTough

[Asker]

Dominance isn't a male trait. You're just a big chauvinistic male 🙃😉

[AndyOh]

BDSM is a bit different than day to day life. Most people in the BDSM world want to have the Dom/sub dynamic. Look on some regular dating sites and you will see.

As for day to day life, I have found that most women (by far not all) want to have the man as the dominant figure in the relationship, and the female usually takes the submissive role. Works in sex too.

I want an equal team player relationship as well, but now and then we revert to our role as male and female.

And I don't see porn as violent toward women, as least the porn I watch. Not sure what you see.

[Sapioit]

Most don't. But that's most of the porn available, and filtering it out takes time and effort.

[Msgaïj]

I think submissive womens are more a phantasm than an ideal.
Like the e-girls, latex models, pet play or simulated rape.

I once heard a sentence: "a phantasm is something arousing before and after, but not while doing it"
I like this one because I think it's the same way about dominating and submission.

It's hot, but I've read recently a lot of stories from mens who share this kind of experiences.
A lot of them confessed that they didn't had a great time doing this.
It was mostly girl's requests, and there was hard beating, rape, and urination play.

So, I really think that men likes submissive womens the same way that actresses. It's arousing, but only in the imaginary.

I can witness, my ex was a really submissive girl. (She had serious mental health problems, his father was an incestuous rapist. I didn't knew at this time). It's not good. Having someone's life in your hand isn't arousing in real life. No joke.

An equal girlfriend is way more enjoyable, I don't think men really want a submissive one.

Ps: I know I didn't really answered you, but I wanted to lighten this point of view

[Asker]

Are you kidding me? Men love to choke, gag, slap, spit on women during sex.

[Msgaïj]

I'm a men, I pretty sure that I know how men think

[Asker]

Have you eve been with a guy? Do you date men?

[Msgaïj]

Have you even read what I wrote? I don't know what you've experienced, but I can assure you that majority of men don't like hurt women. I'm sorry for you if you were with a jerk

[Asker]

Sorry but a hell lot do. Over two-thirds of men under 40 have slapped, choked, gagged or spat on partner during sex, BBC Scotland doc finds

[Reaperbot666]

• I can be rough or gentle with a woman.
• when it comes to sexual interaction with a woman.
• but also like a woman to be a healthy blend submissive/dominant.
• prefer when a woman leans more to the submissive side however.

[0112358]

While porn of this type is very common the opposite is also popular. There are more submissive men than dominant women by a large margin.

there are also tons of men who don’t really want rough sex - passionate yes but not rough. I’m not sure if even a majority want rough. If you talk to women who like rough sex they will tell you all men are certainly not keen.

it’s a huge mistake though to try to equate what people want sexually with what they want in the rest of their relationship. For some people it aligns, but it’s almost a stereotype of it being the opposite it’s so common - people who are powerful leaders (male or female) who want to be controlled sexually.

I’m not sure that most men want to be in charge of the relationship in general. I think most men I grew up with - in a very liberal area - expected and wanted an equal partner. I’d say some have soured in that based on relationships with women who were not actually up to being equals. Being in charge is a responsibility at least as much as a privilege.

[Asker]

Depends on how rough maybe Sub men don't exist.

[0112358]

Uh, there are lots of sub men.

[Asker]

Oh my... What a fucking lie!

[0112358]

Go check any forum for people looking for a& morning partners. Dominant females are so widely outnumbered by submissive men that it’s almost a given sub men will have to hire professional dominatrixes. Are most men submissive? No. But a sizeable minority are. And far more then Dom women. Ask here on a pill? There are always a bunch of sub men. On top of this though you seem convinced all men are dominant which is even less true. A lot of men aren’t either. Power based fantasies and fantasies around bondage are more common among women, period and this stands out because every other fetish’s is disproportionately male. There are academic studies showing this on top of the populations at kink meetups or forums. Fifty shades of grey was the fastest selling paperback ever and was bought 80% by women.

[MrMilti]

Who are you talking about?
Not every man on the planet is your ex-boyfriend.
Pick a decent man and become happy.

[Asker]

What are you talking about? Do I know you?

[MrMilti]

You are anonymous, how would I know, if I knew you? 😂 It seems, you had a bad experience in the not so long ago past and now want to project that on all men. Fun fact: There are assholes out there. Usually, they are the kind of men, that tend to stick out of the masses. Don't fall for those. Be conscious about your choice on who to date. There are very nice and gentle men out there, those are just not as visible as the assholes, you will have to do a much harder search to find them.

[Asker]

No, I never had "a bad experience". I just observe how people behave.

[MrMilti]

Ever thought about, that some women want to be submissive? Just like some men want to be submissive. People are different and don't share the same values, just because they have the same sex.

[Asker]

What's the question here?

[MrMilti]

If you want to ask that way, I guess the question is, why you are a sexist? (grouping people together solely because of their sex)

[Asker]

Based on my observations.

[Anpu23]

"
Porn is extremely violent towards women no matter the category." This statement is certainly debatable, I can think of at least 3 categories that this simply doesn't apply. Second most women are submissive yet guys are pretty split between submissive and dominate, so much so that many submissive men have trouble finding a good match (I've written about this in a MyTake).

[Asker]

Most women are submissive Most women do learn that being submissive equals being feminine

[Asker]

And to feel attractive They also learn that being attractive is being feminine is being submissive

[Browneye57]

Cuz men and women are simply not the same. It's the giant boldface lie of feminism.
Equal say and value is all fine, but everything is not the same.

If you think you want to be the man in your relationships, maybe you really want to be with a woman instead.

[Asker]

Are you talking about me specifically?

[Browneye57]

It IS YOUR question, right?

[Asker]

But I wasn't talking about ME.

[Browneye57]

What exactly are you talking about then? Just making shit up or what? You made a broad-brush statement that is patently false.

[MannMitAntworten]

Two things. Personally speaking, I am not attracted to the submissive/helpless types.


Next, the equality point. I have learned that a certain sex believes equality is measured by the equity of outcome and not equity of effort to exact this outcome. So, there exist disparity in what “equality” means between the sexes which neither agree upon to begin with. It is not that the other sex does not believe in equality, it just sees itself as having to shoulder greater burden to exact the other sex’s notion of “equality”. Or the preferred word I hear tossed around where equality is concerned, “fair”. Fair to me is like the word terrorist. One individual’s notion of fair is another’s notion of inequity and one individual’s notion of a terrorist is another’s notion of a patriot/freedom fighter.

[Asker]

Pathetic

[Massageman]

I'll trade tie-ups with a gal most of the time.

[JKingOff]

Why do women prefer tall men with large dicks and rock hard muscles? It's just the way things are.

[Asker]

Sorry but... Rock hard muscles? Since when lol?

[JKingOff]

Since always.

[Asker]

You wish lol

[JKingOff]

You're implying that I wish women liked rock hard muscles?

[Asker]

I'm implying this is a man's view of what women want

[JKingOff]

Oh, you mean like how you generalized your stereotype towards men based on what you've watched in porn like you did in your question? Talk about hypocritical. If you're going to cast conclusions in your question then you don't really have any room to complain when someone gives you an unfavorable answer.

[Asker]

No, but porn targets men not women. If some stuff are done in porn it's because men like that.

[JKingOff]

Porn targets everyone, men and women. You assuming that what you see in porn is what all men like is the same thing as me assuming that all women like tall ripped men with lots of money.

[Asker]

Not "all" but "most".

[JKingOff]

Then there you go. Same response.

[The_Mad_Pirate]

Because submissiveness is feminine as fuck.
I specially love how japanese women in japanese society are, they are just so charming.

[A1513]

I like dominant women who tell me what to do, among other things.

[SirrVeta]

There is many porn, much of wich the woman dominates the men. I like some dominating but also like being dominated. But vanilla with lots of love and cuddles are nice aswell. I do not like porn because it in most cases does not reflect the truth, but dont think every guy thinks the same way lol

[Asker]

Most do In many porn if not most women are debased. Now if you can't see it 🙃

[SirrVeta]

In most "vanilla" porn yeh. Go a bit beyond the pornhub frontpage. And tbh you are right, but 95% of guys are assholes and 80% of girls are bitches. Humans are just stupid

[Asker]

99% of guys are assholes, yes. Around 75 to 80% of women are women with no value.

[SirrVeta]

There are loads of mean and selfish girls. What do you meen with low to no value?

[Asker]

Whores

[SirrVeta]

So the only thing that can make a woman bad is when they like to have much sex? I do not know who teached you stuff like this but what is so wrong about sex? Our sexual gender parts have been on our bodies for ages and it just feels like every year that goes by that many woman feel like they should protect their parts more. Masturbation feels good but sex even better, I am not saying you should fuck every asshole or fuckboy, but if you find a nice guy then there would be no problem in having sex with him because he will respect you and your wishes. It is not wrong to have sex and there is no "too much" or "not enaugh" sex, there are just people who ruin it for others by calling them whores or sluts...

[Asker]

Honestly, I don't understand how women can enjoy being submissive. I guess this is because I've watched porn for the 1st time only recently. I've also started masturbating at a very young age. Hence, I've never make the link between being a sexual object/submissive and pleasure.

[SirrVeta]

Owh i see, you are new to porn huh. Well please trust me it is not the only kind of porn. Just the kind of porn assholes and fuckboys love. Personally I have a fetish for seeing a girl feel really good so I love to be equal and give them more attention then I give myself hah. But you should not think of porn as something more as something to masturbate to and even a lot of guys who watch it wouldn't want that kind of relationship in real life. Have sex the way you want it and how much you want, but just know that some girls have this kind of degradation fetish

[SirrVeta]

Just do not take porn to serious in general would be my advice

[Asker]

Given its impact, it should be taken seriously.

[SirrVeta]

What "impact" are you talking about. I know many people who watch it and it had no impact on them?

[HeadCase1]

Most don't

[Asker]

Not true at all lol

[jasco]

Uh cause porn is seen more by men then by women 2 because most women aren't a dom type people, 3 cause men are like that and i love BDSM but i don't if a girl wanted to be dom on my ass tho but i rather it be a switch

[Asker]

Oh a switch, really? Though your opinion is interesting.

[jasco]

yea sure i be down for it if she lets me do to her what she is going to do to me and thank you

[Asker]

I'll post a question about switching I guess.

[jasco]

Cool

[Snakeyes7]

We don’t want a woman who does everything we say, we aren’t dictators and we don’t want to be (nor do we want you to be either). Some women just like it rough, that’s not really anything we can control.

[Asker]

Men want power over women. I guess it will never change. Some women. Accept that. They should get what they want. The ones who want to be respected should be treated as such.

[Snakeyes7]

In what aspect do you think men want power over women? The bedroom is the only time I would imagine any dude who is right in the head would be fine with being that way. A man shouldn’t let his girlfriend walk all over him but I hardly count that as wanting power over her.

[Asker]

How can a woman walk over a man? Explain.

[Snakeyes7]

The same way men can walk over women.

[bamesjond0069]

We want someone equally valuable yet extremely different than ourselves... probably because we aren't gay.

[Asker]

Stop lying to yourself