Did he really use me 😞😣?

Question

I really liked this guy and we’ve been texting for a year and met up once as it’s long distance but we’re not in a relationship or anything. He did tell me how I’m not like other girls and different. So the second time I was going to meet him we made plans on spending the two days together. I was very excited about going to see him. I went and stayed for 2 days to see him 😣 before that I texted him saying I don’t wanna get used for sex (this happened with my ex I was being cautious) so he got offended by me saying that if I think he’s using me for sex he’d rather not sleep with me blah blah so I said I’m sorry I didn’t mean it that way. So when I went to go see him he had work while I was there as he works for his dad he finished work at 9 he said but delayed it as he had to drop a worker so he took he’s time and I ended up seeing him at night at 1ish we had sex and stuff and he said he’ll stay but after sex he was leaving and telling me how he has work next day but after work he’ll shower and come back to see me. Before he left he gave me a hug and kiss. So it was Thursday I heard nothing from him not a good morning text or nothing I knew he was at work but he was active on insta too I mean a text would of been nice. So then it was 4ish when he finished work I texted him asking “hey when u coming?” He took ages to reply and said “hey just finished gotta go to my dad job now worker can’t come in.” So i was disappointed cause he was supposed to see me after. So I asked “so you’re not coming? And he replied “after work sorry.” And I asked when do u finish work? He replied “probs around 10.” So then it was around 10 he texted me saying “just finished popping home to shower up.” Then I said “okay see u then.” After that he didn’t get back to me at all. So I said “u probably ain’t coming so I’m sleeping should of just.” in the morning heard nothing still then. I felt so used and I texted him again how he hurt me and thought he was different. He then unfollowed me.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You were not staying at his place or were you? Otherwise I do not get how he managed to avoid you that much while you were visiting him.
Anyway, this is a lesson of life: You have only one before met that guy face-to-face, all other communication via distance without any nonverbal clues and you were willing to trust him because of some pickup nice-talk like telling you that "you are different".

Here is the secret: The only reliable clue whether he is serious or not is his commitment in form of time, energy and possibly money.
If he wants to spend a lot face-to-face time with you and you had meaningful conversations before even kissing, if you enjoy common activities if he inquires about your whishes and emotions and tries to find out how he could make you happy - and then actually does his best to make you happy - if (in a distance relationship) he travels
a lot to your place in order to visit you instead of having you come his way, if he is not needy or desperate for sex and the two of you can enjoy each others company fithout f*cking... and so on and so on - THOSE are signs of commitment, because he has to GIVE UP ON SOMETHING when he acts this way. If you do not want to be used, you should verify at least some of those signs. You can watch out for more on your own, simply ask yourself whether he had some effort in doing something for you and whether he proactively is interested in you and wants to make you happy, that is for example the inquires what you want and does not wait until you tell him.
The whole ritual is called courtship. Nowadays both boys and girls expect any insight about the other gender from writing text messages. They never learn (or even un-learn?) to read facial expressions and body languages. Some even get upset when the other person forgot to put an emoji in their message - f*ck emojis !!! You gotta go for the real thing. Talk is cheap - everyone can talk. Or add emojis.
In future, check for true courtship and verify whether he is willing to act up on his talk before granting him access to your body. I whish you better luck with your next guy!

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Here's the lesson: STAY OFF DATING APPS and ALWAYS DATE LOCAL.

Dating apps aren't really for dating - they're for hookups. I don't care what anyone tells you, that's what they're for, and that's what most people who use them use them for.

And long-distance relationships don't work. You put way too much effort into them for such little in return, and people just don't work that way.

You need to find men who are local to you - guys you can see every day or every other day without too much inconvenience for either of you. Otherwise, it's like your relationship is on slow motion, and it takes months or years to progress the same amount that a normal relationship would progress in a week. That's just crazy.

You need to meet LOCAL guys IN PERSON out in the world. Stay off the dating apps, and quit dealing with guys who don't live within 10 miles of you. That may not solve every problem, but it will solve 80% of them.

BlackAfrican · Accepted Answer

Am so sorry to say this but he just want to have sex with you. You shouldn't be sad to express how you feel towards him... I knew you can feel it that he just want sex but you ignore the sign because you don't want to be rude to him by judging him and saying it to his face that he wants only sex.. Am sorry baby but he just want the body and now that he get it and he still did not stay or love you more, I hope karma catch up on his ass..

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

Pay Close Attention in What I am Writing Here, You have Answered your own Question: He was active on Insta, I heard nothing from him, "After work sorry," "Hey, just FINISHED," He then Unfollowed me... He CAME and Went...:((xx

WindAtMyBack · Answer

It sounds like he's using you. If it was the first time you met, it's possible that you were not what he expected. But since you had already met, that's not the case.

If you were coming for a couple of days, he needed to make time for you. Unless maybe he said ahead of time he wouldn't have much time.

He unfollowed you - it's over.

yucychan · Answer

I've replied in your previous post. And yes, he used you. I hope you can move on from him.

Jjpayne · Answer

That's sad to hear... You have to be careful with assumptions but what is clear is that he did not respect you enough to stay connected with you and make a concrete effort or plan to see you again. He should have done a much much better job at communication than he did

James944R1 · Answer

There's nothing to it but to move on, it sounds like. Guy sounds like a real jerk and from what you've written, it definitely sounds like he used you. Best of luck in the future. I hope things go better for you!

SphynxUK · Answer

Yes he used you. Why did you sleep with him in the first place?

0bada · Answer

I am sorry this happened... It was probably just some misunderstanding between both of you, as he was a bit too busy with work. If you really want to find out, you can personally ask him why did he leave you and find out from him. It's the best way really, but just don't worry about him too much. It happened to me before that a girl cheated on me and I felt used, and it really hurt me. Don't let this happen to you and look at the bright side. At least he wasn't with some other girl, and he didn't get you pregnant.
If you keep thinking about it you'll just be falling into a deep hole of depression that I went through before.
So just as I said, you can ask him personally to find out, otherwise it shouldn't be really important as it's his loss.. cz from what I just read, it seems to me that there is poor communication skills between both of you, so it would be difficult to workout.

If you need someone to talk about it, I am all ears :D

JosyJosy · Answer

"you're not like other girls" is some cliche BS, don't believe that shit. Happened to a colleague of mine as well, but hopefully unlike her, you'll actually see him for a piece of shit and move on.

Sparda20xx · Answer

I'm not sure if he used you, but he definitely ghosted you. Which is messed up. In the best case scenario you two had sex and he felt you and him weren't compatible so he left. Still a dick move though

reptocarl2 · Answer

Yes he did use you

FruitAndBlueEyes · Answer

Unfortunately, it sounds like he did and I am so sorry 😐 that happened to you.

Gedaria · Answer

Could be...

jasco · Answer

Yup he just wanted u for sex nothing more

TallAnon · Answer

Yeah, he got what he wanted and moved on

Jok3r5 · Answer

You were used, I’m so sorry. It’s not a wonder guys get a bad reputation when they pull stuff like this. You need to try and move on, because you can do better!