Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Boyfriend watching porn and I don't know exactly how to feel about it?

I kind of suspected he watches porn, but today we were about to watch Netflix and saw it on his computer. We did talk it through and I expressed how it made me uncomfortable that he had to hide it and he was fearing I would react badly. It was a mood kill at the moment. I don't consider it cheating and I can normalize it (I've also watched in the past), but I wanted to make sure it doesn't become a problem in our relationship. What's the best way for me to go on handling this? Am I being too lenient about it? Sometimes I'm not sure entirely how I want to be treated because I'm on the fence with this one.
Updates:
+1 y
Update details: we have amazing sex together and sometimes I'm too tired cause we start too late in the night. He generally has a higher sex drive and when I'm on my period I suspect he will watch it.
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Superb Opinion

  • Men are very visual. We like to see new and different things to stimulate our brains. We love porn and will always look for new a different things. Women are the same way. Eventually they will seek new and different things in the bedroom. Sometimes these things end up bringing a couple closer or farther apart.
    Remember porn and masturbation cannot replace sex. But it is an easy way to stimulate the brain with something you like and make room for new sperm to replace old sperm. Porn cannot replace a soft warm woman with a two dimensional screen.

    • Yes. I trust he knows this reality vs fiction so I'm not too worried, which is why I am on the fence.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Does not mean a lot I believe.
    I have read there is some evidence that men who watch a lot of porn find their partner less attractive - but this might be the classical "Cum hoc ergo propter hoc"-fallacy.
    I have watched porn with girlfriend's and still liked them, friends of mine are a couple for 20 or so years and occassionally watch porn. As long as he keeps good measure to it and does not prefer it to real sex, I would just let him.

  • Here's "how to feel about it": Girl-- your guy is going to watch porn... Get over it.

    • Thanks it was helpful. What advice do you have for women in really committed relationships trying to "get over it" if it doesn't seem that easy right away? I trust him and we treat each other really well so I mostly can deal with it because we are very affectionate anyways.

    • Be patient I guess, but it requires you/them to acknowledge that it isn't up to you what we decide to watch. Our sexuality and sex drive (higher than yours) is not yours, or any female's, to control.

    • Yeah I'm not trying to decide or control his sexuality. I just think that the shame around porn in society makes the person watching it act or seem more deceptive. He may not be hiding from me, but the overall opinion on it. We are so open with each other in other areas that this kinda hurt that it was secret. I know it's not cheating, but I also read that it can normalize infidelity and that causes a conflict on our idea of commitment and that cheaters are 3 times more likely to be watching porn.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 18

  • This is an important issue that is best served by directly addressing this with him head on in a loving and understanding manner. Even though you are a loving partner, there may still be guilt, shame, or embarrassment involved. It may not be comfortable, but it may help to ask him to share such things with you so as to decrease the stigma and improve communication.

  • Nothing wrong with watching porn I get it I need porn to get off without a partner so I understand why he does it just think if you could not get wet on your own without porn you would watch it to help that's what we do to get hard. That's not going to affect your relationship

  • As long as he still have sex with you it's not a problem, most guys are watching porn.

  • I don't see a problem. I mean if you are too tired and he watches porn to release pressure I think it's okay or not? Maybe you can watch together and try some things out. Did this with a girl and it was amazing. At least it's better then cheating cause you only some fantasy stuff online

  • I consider it a form of cheating. Why can’t you have period sex?

    • Haha we have done it before when it was lighter flow, but usually I'm the one who's more sensitive about doing it during that time.

    • Don’t be so shy

    • Yeah I'm working on it truly we have been taking it a step at a time. I am just growing out of thinking men my age and younger find it disgusting.

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  • I don't think you have anything to worry about, but if it bothers you that much, then just talk to him about it. And consider asking him to watch it together.

  • Was he hiding it or just not talking about it?

    • He admitted he watches it when he was caught, but I don't like how he was keeping it secret till then. Kinda hard to trust.

  • well how does it make you feel? be honest

    • Honestly, I wasn't shocked and my only fear is that it gets in the way of our intimacy/connection, but I don't see that happening. As long as we keep up a healthy, loving, and supportive relationship that's more than I can ask for. These days it's hard to find someone you really connect with to throw it away for something you haven't really processed. I watch porn, probably not as much as he does, but I understand why he would because I get the perspective. I just want to not fear that it could jeopardize our relationship so I wanted to learn more about this and how to deal with it. Like is it meant to be secret? What's too much? I don't live with him, but he's wants us to move in together and get married some day. So I wouldn't know how much he does it. I'm just choosing to trust him at this point.

    • That is a lot to consider and process, take time to think about it.

  • Girls watch porn too

  • um... what?
    all guys watch porn. all girls should too.
    you need to lighten up

    • I totally see your view I'm just on the fence and trying to normalize it/see it as reality. Just curious, at what point would you consider taking it too far?

    • If you enjoy what you're doing and it's not affecting anyone else or your ability to function in everyday life, I'm not sure that too far even exists

    • Yes I think as long as he doesn't become emotionally distant and communicates openly I am happy.

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  • It might help for you to be open and transparent about your own porn use. Tell him about it talk about it share what you like and be curious about what he likes to watch. It could be a very enlightening conversation and improve your sex life and relationship if dealt in a way that is not shaming

  • No offence but I feel like you're making an issue where there really isn't an issue. Guys watch porn, if you try to guilt him about it you will just damage your relationship.

    • Yeah in no way do I want to guilt trip him. I just wanted to know how to best handle the secrecy aspect of it.

  • Go watch the movie don jon

    • Will do. Just saw the trailer it's hilarious! I hope there's some idea I can get from it lol

    • I hope so too goodluck

  • make time even when tired give him head and handjob while watching porn together.

  • Share it with him and have fun together

  • he’s a male and it’s natural male fantasy to look at naked women. Men are visual.

    Women are mental, and fantasize mentally. So when you think about love, romance, sex, feelings while watching a chick flick you were doing the same thing as he does when he’s visually looking at something else and thinking about sex.

  • Some women use sex toys, then worry about their man watching porn.

  • I think you shouldn't concern yourself with his porn watching.

    Talking about it would be annoying and its just basic maintenance on some level. Would it bother you if he used a bidet in the the bathroom b/c it felt nice , or liked to run hot water from the tub on his balls. Its just something that some guys do

  • it’s normal everyone does

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