When Do You Usually Bring Up Your Sexual Preferences With A New Partner?

Question

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I think the best time is during sex. Also, at points afterward.

When with a new date, I prefer to let sex happen spontaneously. I've never talked about "preference" before we ever had sex. What preferences? All I'm interested in is if she likes to fuck. To have a discussion about sexual preferences might imply that all I am only interested in her for sex, or vice versa.

It's wonderful when two people talk during sex, or at least send clear signals. I don't want her to just lie down like a starfish to get poked. I love all the initial love making foreplay. You do things to each other and get feedback. If somebody wants something or wants more of something, say so.
Once intercourse begins, you move spontaneously into different positions. Again, you get feedback. The same with going harder or faster, hair pulling, ass slapping, holding her arms or legs in different positions, etc.
I'm definitely looking for what she likes. I want that big O.

Immediately after sex, is more a time for "Oh my God! Whew! That was amazing!" But it could evolve into talk about what part of it you really, really liked. I'm not sure it's the right time to discuss other preferences because that might imply disappointment or dissatisfaction. Not necessarily, though. The conversation could playfully turn to things like "You know what else I like?" or "Have you ever?"

I mainly think that if you really enjoyed each other and decide to continue dating, more playful discussions of preferences and fantasies will occur over time.

The thing is, I don't have powerful longings for anything other than good sex. I don't 'need' to spank her, bind her, fuck her in the ass, twist her nipples, or skull fuck her. It depends on what get her off. Humiliation, degradation and serious BDSM is not for me. But I will appreciate and respect her more if she is uninhibited, playful, curious, adventurous, talented, horny as hell and orgasmic.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I try to figure out during sex very carefully - step by step - but will not be shy to talk about it after either. Often it is a combination of both, like I will touch her near her butthole but not on the spot and only for some short moments - maybe on different days. So I will get a feeling how she reacts, whether she tensens up or appears to enjoy the approach. Then I might decide to talk to her after the sex about how she would like anal stimulation next time.
Talking before is advocated very much in the media (mostly by lawyers) but it is actually a bad idea: This would be taking a theoretical approach towards something very practical - sex. It will simply kill lust / erotic tension.
I often do not need verbal communication to find out what she likes or not. By treating very carefully and being mindfull about sublte clues I can usually interpret my partners reaction.
Of course there are certain things I would not attempt before asking explicitly (putting my finger in her butt or sth.) But I do not want her to ponder about such stuff before it actually becomes relevant - either she is spontaneously willing to try when I decide to ask her during sex or she is not. Both ok. Just don't think too much about it.
Sometimes she will be very tense and nervous. Then it is simply not the moment to try anything unusual in bed and I will stick strictly to vanilla stuff in those cases unless she explicitly asks me do do something specific. If I cannot read her non-verbal clues, my priority will be to make her relax and feel comfortable.
In the latter case however any talk about limits would be contra-productive as it would just make the situation even more awkward for her. Simply not being pushy and giving things the required time to develop is always best.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Right before we have sex for the first time, or it seems like it's going to/might happen.

Basically after we've established a sexual comfort level with each other, it's obvious we like each other and will probably date, and most importantly, comfort level has to be there.
I'm certainly not going to bring up sex before we're serious with each other, yet if you wait too soon (after you sleep together for the first time for example) they might not know your limitations or what you enjoy in bed. Obviously, if you sleep with them more over time, sexual preferences will naturally come out.

But I've had a plethora of impatient idiots assume I'm a prude, virgin, or have no sexual interest just because I don't discuss sex right away, or talk about sex all the time. Yeah, sometimes men REALLY make my head hurt.
But that's a rant for another time...

MrsJaximus-Lion · Accepted Answer

not sure about the new partner part but after all these years we both bring new ideas to the bedrooms and new suggestions and discover new fantasies all the time and one more thing am not sure if i am answering correctly because i have a feeling i didn't understand the question hahah

AustinMan · Answer

Before.

Quackthulu · Answer

Before sex, always. How else would you get what you need?

19magic · Answer

I've probably done middle and after, aka do that again and maybe talk about things which turns you on. But then any time I discuss things that doesn't turn me on guys don't believe me and ignore me anyway thinking "I'm a challenge"

cheapshotbob · Answer

i bring it up before because once the ladys try me they never go back XD so its more of a last chance or warning before taking the ride of there life XD

Tedee18 · Answer

1 Corinthians 7: 2 says clearly: Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. You should wait until you are married.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Looking back in the past, probably after the first or second time. LOL I recall after one lovely girlfriend and I started dating and had sex a few times. She asked me what kind of things I liked after we had sex one morning and I told her some things. Then we had sex again doing those things. Later that day at dinner, she said, "When you started telling me what you liked, you got hard". She busted me! LOL

desidoll · Answer

I think it is important to discuss it in the early stage of the relationship.

rachel776 · Answer

when we're in bed and they're doing something i don't like or not doing something i like

JackSmy · Answer

At the right time, and often, after we have been intimate a few times. With many of the few I have been with, they were more open to sharing what they liked, sometimes, before I expected! But it was ALL GOOD!! I ADORE assertive women, that KNOW what they like, and want!! So much more fun!!

Jjpayne · Answer

I'd say before sex. Let's kind of plan it out first. But if we go through the door and passion hits let's discuss it during 😂

ecfresh · Answer

I’m big on communication and will talk about sexual preferences before having sex. Also I’m a big believer in seduction and know the power of anticipation. Creating a narrative and discussing possible sexual situations and possibilities can be exciting and stimulating. The brain will always be our most potent sexual organ, so I like to get it involved much earlier than the body.

DrippingHoney · Answer

I usually do it when we're being intimate.

wankiam · Answer

i usually prefer to get all that stuff out of the way early on so both of us know what we are getting into

RobM96 · Answer

I think after sex you may want to point out different things or preferences

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

I voted D. Really depends exactly what you’re talking about. Actually come to think of it if you mean stuff like “Lick there. Like that.” I guess mostly during sex.