No sex in long-term relationship?

[Anonymous]

I have the following problem: I'm in a relationship now since 7 years with her and at the beginning it went well with our sexlife. After a time it got less, but that's okay. It gets less if you are longer together. But since 3 or 4 years we barely have any sex. It's 2-3 times a year at maximum. I asked her why and we talked about it, but nothing changed since then. Now I am really frustrated and don't have a solution cause the rest of the relationship is very good.

I'm her first boyfriend and as we came together she was a virgin. So I'm the only one she slept with in her life.

Does she need to have more diffrent experiences maybe? She said no to this. I also asked her to say what she wanna do, but also nothing. Any ideas around here?

[btbc92]

Yeah, your fornication and she now is realizing that something is wrong by having sexual sin in her life. And she's not being honest with you about it. That's why you wait until marriage to have sex. You do not do this, and then expect things to just run smoothly. Since this is her first relationship and she's now sexually active, this is what happens eventually for some people. She knows that you're upset about it, that's why she's trying to avoid it. Because now she don't know what to do going forward. So the edge hates having sex with you, hates herself for some reason other than fornication, or other problems she hasn't dealt with. Either way you leave it until she makes up her mind. She is scared that's for sure.

[Asker]

Hmmm... this doesn't as weird as I thought at the beginning. I have the feeling that she has some issues with herself but I don't really know how to approach that

[btbc92]

No, she has issues with this situation and how you are ssxually, that's why. She is seeing things she is uncomfortable with. And feels like guy will leave her of she didn't comply sexually.

[Asker]

So you will tell me that it's my fault because I want sex?

[btbc92]

It's both of you for having premarital sex is the first place. She is not your wife. She is somebody you are dating. And you are jeopardizing and compromising who she should have been sexually for a wife. She trusted you sexually, and now she doesn't. Your forcing her in a corner and now she's scared. Once a virgin lose her virginity to somebody she's not married to and a guy is looking to leave, she loses everything. And I mean everything. I have no doubt this has taken a mental and psychological toll on her.

[Asker]

What? Sorry bit this has nothing to do with marriage. What does marriage really change? At least you have less taxes and the same name. But love doesn't change if you married or not. Sorry there are some points you are right. But marriage is nothing then a christian mindset. I never forced anything to her. As we got together she made the first step having sex, not me. And sure I want a relationship where you have sex. I see nothing wrong with that.

[btbc92]

It's not a Christian mindset. It's a life choice and a life decision. So it ain't about what you think it's about what you need to know and that's something that you're not understanding. What you have going on is not love. Because if that's love, then why she's behaving that way. But don't behave that way. No she won't like we got together because she just wanted to lose her virginity. Because she did not love herself. It's still wrong. No I know better wait until marriage to have sex that's why I still have my virginity. Has nothing to do with mindset. It has to do with the fact of doing right or wrong. And that's doing wrong. She only did it because you think that she was going to get love from a guy just by having sex. If you understand a female mindset which you obviously don't you would know that.

[btbc92]

You only think that because again you and now not a virgin. You already in an illegal spiritual marriage already before God. That's why fornication is called a sin. And when you're in sexual sin you will have problems. It's not about having less tax if we having the same name is about having a union. That's why sex is a marriage and marriage is all about having sex. Madison all about happiness. You want sex all the time well that's why you were getting married. Now you want sex whenever you want, and now she don't want to be touched. Why is that mr. Since you know her so much? I forgot you can't get an answer out of her. And it's not too convinced ten-year-old be offensive to you I literally asking you to use your brain and seek. Why all of a sudden when she happened to toss away her virginity and now the sun she don't want to be touched after all those years. How do you think I noticed buddy? I have friends who done the same thing. And some have already dealt with it, and some are now still paying for it.

[Asker]

It's everyones own choice if you want to marry or not. And if you should be right, wouldn't there be many girls and women with immens problems cause they had sex before marriage? I get your point and it's your decision, but in my opinion this is totally old-fashioned. I mean it's 2020 and not 1020. I know many females that don't had any problem with that.

[btbc92]

Why do you think the divorce rate is so high with 70%? It's not that it's old-fashioned is because there is a right way and a wrong way. It doesn't matter if it's 20/20, doesn't matter to 2030, it doesn't matter if it's 2057. As long as God is in control, as long as God has his rules, as long as God has his hand in people's lives because all eyes are in his hands he gets in the side we live or die, then he will Forever Reign and that includes his loss. And sadly no you don't know many females that don't have that problem because they not going to tell it to you because you are a man. They're not going to tell that to you because you're going to judge them for it. Every female that has ever done it always had that problem. They just learn to accept it but it's still doing it. Making it worse for themselves. That's why they have from man-to-man. It's not even about just having a casual relationship. It's about hopping from one partner to another partner to another partner and if it's within a relationship or marriage. If you cannot even hold not one person sexually, you already have a problem.

[btbc92]

You already married her illegally spiritually already. Do you not understand at the moment your penis and took her vagina you already married her and created a spiritual contract matches of blood contract and Covenant? It's called consummation. You already done it with your penis. You already did. And now your relationship is suffering for it.

[btbc92]

If she is responding the way how she responded to you more likely replace losing her virginity now. The only reason why she's more like staying is because she feels stuck, and she knows that she will not be able to face the reality that she's the one that made the mistake of doing it in the first place. I know because when some of my friends lost their virginity is that way before marriage, that was a top man reason why they stayed with their boyfriends even if they did not like the relationship anymore. The fact that they lost their virginity to that guy and they feel obligated to marry them or be with them because they made that choice. The only time they had to understand about how serious this situation was it was when the exes finally became exes. You Don't Know How brave your situation is. This is one of the consequences of doing it before marriage. She don't know how to speak that to you because you know you're going to judge her for i, get more upset or that you going to leave her hung and sry woth get virginity in the along with you. And she will never get it back. That's how some girls they end up in that God forbid psych ward or they have to get psychological help.

[btbc92]

The only reason why you consider it to be just a Christian mindset is because we know there is a right and therr is a wrong according to God. It is instructions on how we should be living our lives. Instructions. Is not meant to be read like a fairy tale, or story, or anything else. It's for us to be Spirit-filled because the flesh will cause you problems. Now you got a problem. It is nothing to do with love with your relationship. Nothing because love does not operate that way. It's about time you come to being honest with yourself, that's not love. You are demanding something as if you are her husband and you are not her husband. You are not obligated to sex. You are not obligated to her body. You're not obligated to know anything is going on with her. She is just your sex partner at this point. You call it dating. But she's a sex partner. She's not your wife. You think so poorly about a Godly Union you don't see how much you are abusing sex, and how that's affecting her. She don't even know how it's affecting her all she knows is that she's being affected by it. She's like a child that got hurt with a scrape, do you don't know what a scrape is, all she know is that it hurts and she wants it fixed. That is what parent on adult is for, right? To make it go away to make it feel better. Yet you have no answer. This is why we women are very secretive and they would guard it with you men. Because if we say something to you you either dismiss it, think it's religious, think is too emotional, childish, Etc and then you want to know why we're been so quiet and stay so silent. She is frightened of you and what you plan on doing.

[Asker]

Sure it's like a fairy-tale. I never met a god. And there are no instructions created by a god that show us how to live. In every religion there is a book written mankind with a moral codex. And people thousands of years got scared by priests and so on to hold on that codex or they go to hell. But there is no heaven or hell and no god. Only mankind and nothing else. Marriage is one of these things. And according to you I already married her by penetrating her vagina with my penis. So this wasn't logically no sec before marriage. According to what you said it was sex while getting married. Sorry but this religious things and mythologic stuff won't ever help in this case.

[btbc92]

Keep thinking that while your relationship continues to go down the tube.

[Asker]

Sometimes this happens. I was just looking for some helpful advices and not for a religious enlightment. I don't need religion and never had. If a almight god exists he would do smth to save this world. But I know there ar so many apologies why he doesn't. If you want to believe this it's okay. But I can think on my own and have my own emotions. My own spirit and my own mind.

[btbc92]

No you are just a selfish man who thinks he can get things selfishly and now you're trying to be selfish with who you are dating. Your ignorance is going to because of the death of your relationship. I think sometimes that is happening, this has been happening for a good while, and it's going to keep on happening. You decide when you want to wake up. Until then, let us know when it gets better because I highly doubt it will.

[btbc92]

It's people like you why things are not going to get better because you desire these things. You desire destruction, so he has to give you what you desire in your heart. So he's not going to do anything that he already knows that you already want in your heart. He has nothing to apologize for. When are you going to wake up and apologize? I bet you can't and I bet you won't because it's not about religion, it's not even a religion. He is a person. And he is not somebody to be mocked. Like I said before, it's your ignorance, you're not looking for advice, because you don't want to hear it. You just want an easy answer. And I'm only going to tell you the truth and I think deep down you know it's true cuz you would not be having this problem. The answer is Until you realize you're in big trouble because of the sexual sin you are in, it's not going to get better. Watch as he decides to get more distance and distance away from you if you're saying that you only having sex two to three times, watch where it becomes one to easily zero.

[btbc92]

And then you go to wish you listen to me long ago. So have fun!

[Asker]

I am fully awake but thanks^^ that's why I don't need a construct like religion because I can think on my own. And I'm not a selfish person. I really am altruistic. I do more for others then for myself because it's more important for me that others are happy, even if I'm not. So don't call me selfish only because I don't believe in a non-existent higher entity called "god".

[btbc92]

Put away how you speaking to me I can't call you selfish. You can be altruistic in a lot of things I can believe that. But when it comes down to things like this know you really are selfish. You are asking for something that you are not entitled to. You are not entitled to her. That's what you do not understand. You are not entitled because if you was fully awake then you already confessing right there that you basically choose to have your relationships suffer. And that's not going to be on me that's just want to be on you. I ain't here to force you to tell you that God exists because he does exist. It's up to you to either respect the fact that he does or you don't. If you don't at least say that much, but don't say how he don't exist and then you going to be crying and whining later about why did you not know the sooner. And you already confessed with your mouth that you don't believe in him and that he's non-existent. You made the choice. That's all. This is why you have a problem, so either you learn to fix it and accept the fact that you have a problem, or let it go to way how you expected to go, and what how that relationship is going to end eventually. I give it to you at least next year if it doesn't end early.

[Asker]

Ok so basically the problem in the relationship is that I don't in smth like a god. You know why I don't? Years there died billions of people because of inquisitions, templars, holys wars and so on. They all believed in god. I don't because he kills people or makes people to kill each other. And nothing on tzis planet could change. I believe if he would stay right in front of me. And then ask him why he is so lazy. But god has nothing to with me. Even not with love. Love is a feeling that only living beings can feel. There biochemical reactions and active areas in the brain that prove that there are feelings. There is no god that makes you love someone

[btbc92]

You believe everything that's being told to you but you don't even bother to do your own research. They worship the devil they did not believe in God. Those same people have destroyed the Christian villages and killed many people because they chose not to worship the king. God don't make people kill each other. If you know what love is you would know that love is not a feeling. Love is a choice.. it is a choice. And what you're talking about is not love. That's just your flesh. You are so blinded by your flesh that you think you're high and above God. You think you're high and above others. That's what you don't even realize that what you're speaking to me. God has everything to do with you he breathes life into you and he can easily take it away if he chooses to. You just angry at something that God did not even do. I don't know what your personal problem is, but you don't want to have to fix it. The problem in the relationship has nothing to do with the fact that you don't believe in God. The problem is the relationship is that you are very arrogant and very ignorant that you choose to hear what you want to hear instead of hearing what you need to hear. That's what the problem is. You don't want to hear anything that challenges your personal beliefs because you already fix with it. Because you're so fixing your mindset of the person that you don't even grow as a human being. And you don't want to see that. You put yourself there. That's why your relationship is suffering because she obviously knows what it is that's within you. You are now one flesh with this woman. Anything you feel she feels. Anything that you sense, she's sense, you two are one. Think of it like a psychic link. That's how one you are with each other. So she's disappearing from you physically, just good reason for it and I can see why I wouldn't want somebody like you to touch me either. You're thinking of Sex and Love is polluted.

[btbc92]

So fixed* As a person you are spiritually toxic and negative. The way how your speaking to me I can call you selfish. There's a good reason why you're the second type of guy that I'm glad I never dated or bother, because you claimed that you're just like me and likeness of me, but in everything else you hide what you really are. And that's how you behave. You don't want to accept the fact that you are equally responsible for the breakdown of this relationship. It's not just her. She already put her own self in the Lion's Den. This is why I thank God everyday I stay to myself because a lot of you men you take any responsibility. It's suffering because you choose to lean on your own understanding instead of heeding to wisdom. I can see now why a lot of my friends whether they're believe it or not had said, to me: Stay a virgin. Do not do what I did before marriage, you will regret it. I wished I still had mine. I rather hear what they say since they're the ones that experience those things than someone like you who would have God forbid led me astray.

[Anonymous]

I think she's probably cheating already. If everything else is fine in your relationship, and you feel sexually frustrated, ask her if she'd be OK if you had sex outside the relationship. If she's not OK with that, then it's time to break up, because this seems to be a huge deal for you

[Asker]

She doesn't seem to be someone who cheats. I even offered her to meet other guys to make out if that's the point

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe she doesn't want to accept such freedom because she thinks you'd think badly of her, or that you'd expect to be able to do likewise. Cheaters are truly scared of getting cheated on. Not saying that has to be the case, but I would never discard the chance of someone being a cheater

[Asker]

Hm somehow this makes sense yeah. And I offered her and told that this is no problem for me as long as we can go on in our relationship. But I guess I have to check if she's really not cheating.

[Anonymous]

This is not that uncommon. A significant minority of marriages are sexless

you’ve tried to talk to her etc. If you don’t have kids it’s time to end things.

[Asker]

No kids. And yeah ending the relationship is still an option. And we are not married so far. She wanted to and I said that I need to know that everything works in the relationship and I referred to our sexlife. Maybe this scared her too much or smth but I have to be honest with this or not?

[Opinion Owner]

You either break up, or tell her you're headed for breakup unless you can radically improve this together. That does NOT mean she needs to 'put out' more. You want a partner who is passionate and sexual with you and desires you and enjoys sex. If there are barriers to that that can be overcome together, you're willing to work with her to rekindle passion, work through those barriers. If she just believes this is normal for her, or is unwilling to genuinely work on it, then you two are incompatible, and that's it.

[KilledByBees]

Try new things together, even non-sexual stuff, to spice things up.

[Asker]

I tried. We do many things together. We go hiking in the woods what she really likes and stuff like that

[KilledByBees]

Maybe try something new that would be thrilling to the both of you, and also talk to her again about what you are feeling, open and honest communication is needed.

[Asker]

I communicate a lot usually. But maybe there is something we can do. I will talk to her. Thanks so far :)

[KilledByBees]

This sounds crazy, but I got into a rut with my wife, just busy with life and kids. I asked her if we could try male chastity and got a chastity device, let her lock it onto me. She was hesitant at first but ended up getting really into it, helped us get closer again and we are having more fun and sex (not penetrative for me though) than ever. I am not saying you should do the same, but you just need to find what would work for you and for her.

[Anonymous]

you've tried talking to her, time to dump her and find a girl that's actually attracted to you

[Asker]

Yeah this seems to be an option even if she is a nice girl