Sexual Relationships
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I was ashamed of having a body count of 8 by 19. so I didn’t hook up for two years. Am I being pathetic?

so I’m 21 now I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months and he wonders why I’m still not ready for sex, why I flinch when he touches me in certain areas, I told him because it’s been SO long...

was a virgin till 19 (religious reasons) got r*ped by two diff guys at a party, became very sexually active to try deal with it... had two threesomes back then (2 girls 1 guy) engaged in an orgy too. and my body count jumped to from 0 to 8 within the space of a couple of months... I then, after feeling so disgusted by my actions I had a suicide attempt.. After long months of regret and self Hate I found self love and therapy and realised to me sex sacred and pure and my body is my home & I shouldn’t let in whoever... I haven’t had anyone touch me like that in two years because I KNEW the hooking up carelessly wasn’t me. people still see me as innocent “pure” nobody from my home town knows what I was like (the people I hooked up with def wouldn’t say, I made them promise plus they have no proof) I hid it very well but I feel pathetic for still not being able to do anything with my boyfriend I almost feel like I’m reliving the traumatised promiscuous girl I once was.
1 3

Superb Opinion

  • You realize that there is a God Right? And God does love you and you don't want you living in sexual sin. God is not a religion sweetie, he is real, He does care about yourself Asian, he wants to heal you, and he wants to be in your life but you have to have a desire for him. You can't get rid of that just by having sex with different people, and having sex with your boyfriend is not going to help you either. I'm sure you know this because since you've been raped you've been having all this problem they haven't been going away have in it? That's why it's just going to get worse if you're not letting it go. He can't do anything for you because he's only human. All he's going to want to know is why you're not having sex with him and he's going to think that you don't love him or whatever. But you should already know if you have a so-called religious upbringing that sex before marriage is a sin. That doesn't make it low. So you just need to just tell him the truth what you should have told him from the very beginning.


    You don't love yourself, you feel worse about yourself, you got to do what you got to do because you're dealing with demonic forces and you still got things attached to you that has to be broken. You need deliverance, and you need to be free from these things before you fall into another problem again and then God forbid you can't let it go because you're stuck. There's a reason why you don't allow him to touch you and it's not because it's been so long. Because your body is wanting you to not do it. You have to be careful with this. You don't want to keep making the same mistakes. Listen to the warnings.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why you being so hard on yourself? You can't change your past, so embrace it, move on and have fun.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You're clearly traumatized by the rape itself. A count of 8 by 19 isn't a huge deal many girls have that number but doing it in two month and through threesomes and orgy's that's the uncommon part.

    I'm glad you found self love but i believe you're not entirely healed sleeping with your boyfriend one on one isn't the same as channelling your inner rabbit with someone you don't care about.

    Now if he doesn't know that story then it's a bit more complex since he'll be expecting things and won't give you enough space.

    My advice is find a way to do it once. Block out all thoughts from your mind. Get drunk if it would help even high if you're into that.

    Once you do it with him once you'll be able to create a comfort zone with him and sleep with him whenever you like.

  • I am sorry to hear about how you was defiled and corrupted, you clearly needed a 'overprotective dad' that would not allow you to go to parties, but it's too late now. As far as I'm concerned the guy is now in a situation where he gets the worse of both worlds, the girl that he dates has very dark and slutty past, and yet she is not providing him with sex. You could had claimed that it because you was raped, but you already allow to a lot of guys to fuck you after that, you are not innocent and pure, not by a long shot, at first it was not by choice, but later it was by choice.

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DefiledForever

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OverprotectiveDad

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 13

  • it sounds like you would need to talk to someone to get over these issues before having sex

  • No, you're not pathetic, but if you're ashamed of your body count then that probably means something.

  • You should now

  • You learned what is right and what is wrong. Stay on the right path and it will work out for you.

  • You need to forgive yourself first of all. Then you can heal and allow yourself the pleasures you are deserved in life.

  • You were raoed, that's enough for you to have trouble being intimate with anyone

  • You're not pathetic, body count shouldn't matter, but I'm very sorry for what happened to you. Who you have sex with is your business, and if anyone should ask, go with a safe number like 6. And if you want to have sex again, you do it when you're ready, and make sure you're boyfriend understands that, otherwise he may not be right for you.

  • This is why i prefer girls who dont sleep around.

  • Tbh if i was him i would think that your doing it with other guys. It's about trust do you trust him enough to get intimate?

  • Dont worry about body count, have fun , live

  • Body count of 8 by 19 is not that much.
    Also you should not count any actions against you that have been the result of trauma. You should explain to the guy what happened so he can adapt and be sensitive when you get closer / have sex. It is best not to keep such traumata secret: There is nothing to be ashamed of, but if you both want to enjoy sexuality the guy should have some context. This way he will understand (unless he is a complete jerk) if you need a break to cope / are not ready to do certain things that others may consider normal.

  • 8 is a life time number.

  • Taking a break was the right choice. Don't feel pressured. You know what the right thing to do is, don't let yourself feel guilty or w/e for sticking true to yourself, like you always should have. Don't let him pressure you. Explain to him why you are uncomfortable and you can find out if this is meant to continue or not.

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > I was ashamed of having a body count of 8 by 19. so I didn’t hook up for two years. Am I being pathetic?