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I was ashamed of having a body count of 8 by 19. so I didn’t hook up for two years. Am I being pathetic?

Anonymous
so I’m 21 now I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months and he wonders why I’m still not ready for sex, why I flinch when he touches me in certain areas, I told him because it’s been SO long...

was a virgin till 19 (religious reasons) got r*ped by two diff guys at a party, became very sexually active to try deal with it... had two threesomes back then (2 girls 1 guy) engaged in an orgy too. and my body count jumped to from 0 to 8 within the space of a couple of months... I then, after feeling so disgusted by my actions I had a suicide attempt.. After long months of regret and self Hate I found self love and therapy and realised to me sex sacred and pure and my body is my home & I shouldn’t let in whoever... I haven’t had anyone touch me like that in two years because I KNEW the hooking up carelessly wasn’t me. people still see me as innocent “pure” nobody from my home town knows what I was like (the people I hooked up with def wouldn’t say, I made them promise plus they have no proof) I hid it very well but I feel pathetic for still not being able to do anything with my boyfriend I almost feel like I’m reliving the traumatised promiscuous girl I once was.
I was ashamed of having a body count of 8 by 19. so I didn’t hook up for two years. Am I being pathetic?
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