Why is blaming yourself such a big part of dealing with rape?

[ElizaPam]

I still can’t stop blaming myself for being raped when I was 18. I shouldn’t have been at his place alone, I shouldn’t have let him get me drunk, I shouldn’t have passed out in his bed. I should’ve protected my virginity better. I just never thought a guy would ever really do that to me. I was legally an adult but still a child. He was 26 he should’ve known better. I told him I wanted to wait until I was married and I wanted it to be magical. He even finished inside me like he didn’t even care.

[JackSmy]

It's a sad, TWISTED part of society, and that women assume 'blame' for things that ASSHOLES do, to them!!
It is not because you were drinking. It is not because you passed out. It was not what you were wearing. IT WAS, THAT HE WAS AN ABUSER, and TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!
I had a very close friend, that I worked with, and she was an alcoholic, and I frequently got her home, safe, and got her into her bed, and took care of her. NOT EVEN ONCE, did it cross my mind, in any way, to touch her, or do anything inappropriate!! OMG, she was like my little sister!! What perv would take advantage of that?

[MrHopper]

I think it is like a "self protection". When things happen in your life that are not good you look back as to how you can stop it happening again even if it was not you who caused it "if only i had left the house 10 seconds later i could have been there to save them... " you are not to blame, he took advantage of you in the worst way

[Forevelost]

The only cause of rape is rapists period. Men that aren’t rapists don’t rape others. Men that aren’t rapists don’t rape women regardless of their clothing, sober or not, alone or with others etc. But a rapist will rape someone not because of some fault of the victim but because they want to. Anyone that says differently is very clearly ill.

[Agape93]

It’s the trauma of it. What if I had fought harder? If I was more compliant, would he have hurt me still? If I didn’t go there... etc.


Keep those thoughts away from yourself. They are a poison to the soul.

[Berethor]

Well if you was more careful and/or had a overprotective dad it would had not happened.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OverprotectiveDad

[COMMODOREII]

You need to forgive yourself.

[Twalli]

You blame yourself because you assume if you didn't make certain choices you wouldn't have been raped. You're wrong. If you did the same at most guys houses, you'd be fine. He is the only one at fault.

[asshole_]

They believe the led their attacker on

[lpoots]

have you reported this to the police
have you recieved counciling