When it comes to communication, there are words, but metacommuniction- body language, facial expressions, etc. - constitutes most of what we perceive from others.
So, when communicating about sex, lack of communication could be a lack of any kind of signals. It's not just about words. A person who gave off no signals would be a terrible lover.
Selfishness - a lack of consideration or caring for you partner - would be really bad. It would leave them feeling like an object. It could also leave them unsatisfied. A person who doesn't care about their partner would be a terrible lover.
But selfishness can have another side. For example, I like it when my partner uses me as the means to her own gratification. There's no question that I use her for mine. When a person does that, it means that their partner turns them on. The best sex can be when each person is working to gratify themselves. They are enjoying what they are doing and that, in turn, turns on their partner.
Ideally, two people are trying to gratify their partners at the same time that they are taking great pleasure in their own pleasure. The opposite would be, trying to please your partner but taking no pleasure in it yourself. It would be selfless, but terrible.
So, between complete lack of communication and selfishness, I'd say lack of communication is worse when it comes to sex.
Nother nice answer here and 💯 true 👍💜
It's ALWAYS lack of communication! If he isn't giving her what she needs, and wants, and she doesn't feel safe, just saying, "WTF, where is my joy?" THAT is bad communication!
If he is a selfish prick, in bed, and always wants it his way, and she never says, "NO! I Want more than that BS that you call 'foreplay'," that is bad communication!
There is a mutual responsibility, when you are together, to tell the other what you want, need, and expect!! Most couples have problems just saying those things, and some are really personal, and maybe very intimate!
But if you don't SAY IT, TELL THE OTHER, then the resentment builds, because so many think: "They should just know!"
But they don't!! First time, going down on a new girlfriend, and I am feeling like starting over, all over again, as every woman is different! Do I start with what the last girlfriend liked, and HOPE it is good? Or do I just start, and TRUST that she is going to tell me, more this, less that, more here, than there. . .
Relationships and Communication are paired, and cannot be separated, to good ends!!
It is all about saying what you like, want, and need, and then LISTENING the other, and what they like, want, and need.
I was going to say it's an impossible choice. But thought a bit more and decided selfishness is the dealbreaker. That shows malice/total lack of concern for others. But lack of communication can stem from all sorts of other reasons, like not wanting to be demanding, feeling awkward, knowing one's wishes could be challenging for others to meet... so many things. So yeah, I've voted and I feel good about it now, decisive.
And one I agree 💯 even if someone can be taught not to be a selfish lover, they still have to not be too selfish to put into action. One time actions REALLY DO speak louder than words 😅🙂
Here here!
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Definitely lack of communication which causes the selfishness
Or selfishness is what causes the breakdown in communication 🤔 guess could go either way... Same result, not as good sex
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!(Sorry voted wrongly, should be B.)
in my opinion, deep inside we all know, sex contains lust and self-gratification (doesn’t matter the degree).
Put another way, many relationships had broken, and many marriages had ended in divorce, partially due to dissatisfaction with sex (not no sex).
My point so far is, sex is selfish, to a certain extent.
But a couple's relationship and sex life can drastically improve with good communication.
Hence while I know your "selfishness" may extend beyond sex, such "selfishness" could be minimise with negotiation, which is a form of communication.
Thus my vote is B, lack of communication is the root cause for bad sex, or to a greater extent, relationship.
I can see What you're saying and that definitely can be the case sometimes, I agree. But then sometimes that don't work with a truly selfish person.
Indeed, we all want the best for our life, more food, bigger house, nice car, and a lot of $$$. These are some form of selfish desire. But we conceal them behind so called "win-win" especially in business. And when both are agreeable, the selfish desires are hidden behind the scene. Thus communication is important. It helps to negotiate the "win-win".
Cogent, and reasoned response. Had I read this first, I might have voted otherwise.
I think more people are crappy communicators then are outright selfish, so I think lack of communication is what hurts it more over all (though obviously both are bad).
Definitely selfishness. Being willing to please is an absolute prerequisite to satisfying sex.
~JSmith
I agree there
I chose selfishness because it's more difficult to discuss. Lack of communication can be usually be addressed at the right time without as much confrontation.
Great answer... Very true 💯
Thank you.
Welcome and thank you 🙂
Honestly, it can be both.
That's tough... But I'd say selfishness because if you don't care about your partner pretty soon they won't be as eager to have sex with you. Now if you tried but failed communicating... It's possible to still want to try because both are at least putting up an effort but failed communication due to not caring goes back to selfishness
Great answer, so true
Easy: lack of communication.
A: because that's what all I hear about when people talk about their privat lives that it's always one of the partners finished first and then leave the other half way, or not even close. Even with communication, You can't cure selfishness
I agree. People can learn to be less selfish but they have to be less selfish to put it in action
i would pick lack of education? Not these 2 above but from them lack of communication i suppose. Why i say lack of education because women can actual get off by giving BJs so let's say the guy was been selfish and just wanted a Bj. If your educated you would know how to orgasm from that. Therefore you would both enjoy it and not see it as selfish or at least it would be way better. Girls who say they love Bjs clearly figured out how to do it. And there are actual studies that show it does work.
If you have a good education of how it all works and how to make maximum peeks out of everything it will be 10 times better. Like how guys need to know what to do with the G spot.
It depends if a guy is selfish then he can finish in like 2minutes leaving her unsatisfied.
Communication is a must though, a good sex partner is a good communicator
True!
I HATE it when a guy thinks i'll get off JUST by blowing him. Like excuse me I have a body as well this is an exchange, not a service honey.
It's physically possible for girls to get off by a blowy tho.
Never said it wasn't possible, I said that it isn't enough to get ME off. Only expection is if I happened to be in love with him anything he'd want would get me off :/
Sounds fair, got to earn that love and respect first before he gets the privileged to be able to get you off with one.
Selfishness without question.
communication is not a magic wand. It -can- help the couple find solutions to things and express what they want and understand each other. It doesn’t make them compatible and it doesn’t make a selfish partner not selfish and it doesn’t make a zero drive partner horny. Don’t get me wrong - communication is good!
but communication with a selfish partner isn’t going to help. A partner who wants to get you off and is excited with bad communication - might be more stumbling around and misunderstandings but at least there’s hope. Selfish is a write off.
No worries, I agree here
I’d also note that a caring partner who communicates badly - if YOU are a good communicator you can bridge part of that gap and show them how to communicate. And their fundamental desire to make both of you happy encourages change.
I think lack of communication definitely because if you're on two different pages it's hard to focus on the activity at hand.
And I'm thinking that if you have good communication you couldn't have selfishness because that would definitely work against good communication I'm thinking.
Selfishness, like my last ex-girlfriend, wanted to do something sexual such as foreplay but she wanted to do it and get it over with and she was pressuring me to have sex with her but I never gave into her.
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Wow this is a hard one. Because it can be both
Yes I know
The two go hand in hand.
You can't solve the problem of selfishness if you don't communicate.
A selfish person isn't going to do their best to get you where you want to go as long as they get there they're good. You can't really fix something like selfishness. Where as communication is something you can work on plus if you both click well you can have mind blowing sex without needing to communicate your likes and wants verbally. Of course there's more ways to communicate then just verbally don't get me wrong I definitely believe in communicating your needs wants likes dislikes and fantasies but if I have to choose I'd definitely say there's not much worse then a selfish lover.
Great, great answer! Very true 💯 hope all is well
Jeez if anyone has heard my awkward bedroom talk I think they wouldn't be complaining about my lack of communication instead they'd be wishing I had a lack of vocal chords! lol
,🤣🤣🤣I did kinda think that about someone once 😅🤣
I suppose one could argue that "lack of communication" is sub-set of "Selfishness". And selfishness brings about more stifled communications. Kind of a downward spiral.
That's what I'd say
it depends entirely on the couple.. For the wife and i, its communication never selfishness.
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