Should I tell my new boyfriend that I was raped?

[Anonymous]

If so, when? I'm worried that when we eventually have sex, he will do something the assaulant had done and I'll not be able to handle it... What if he asks me how many men I had sex with? It's not many, but should that man be included in that number?

[btbc92]

To be honest this is something you should have thought about way before you decided to date. It is not smart to wait until you're dating somebody just to drop the bombshell. Because that becomes too much on a person, and now they may feel obligated to stay in a relationship they're not looking for. Number one you shouldn't even be having sex before marriage. Bad enough you was already raped, bad enough we don't know how you got raped, you don't have to tell us anything that's your personal business. But you're concerned about these stuff, all the more reason why you wait until marriage to have sex. People outside of marriage are not really care much about it or the one I care about is having sex. Yes amen. That you was raped, but that begins to bother them a bit. Either for good reasons or bad reasons. Either way you're the one that's been the victim here correct? You got to be more concerned about why are you dating in the first place. You are not obligated to have sex outside of marriage. It's called fornication for reason. What's the point of having once been done to you in order for you to be willing commit sin to your body again? You may not understand a concept, maybe you do, but it's not smart. You are better off telling him immediately because you're not going to have a choice. Do not wait for him to try to make a move on you and you may do something you're going to regret. because once you participate in it you can't go back.

[btbc92]

Forgive me for the typos I'm trying to correct them right now.

[btbc92]

All they're going to care about is having sex* Yes they may care about the fact that you was raped* ( forgot to add that they May, after speaking to other rape victims who has dealt with those who basically didn't want to date them because they felt they were damaged goods after they was touched)

[chapawapa]

Oh shut the fuck up.

[btbc92]

Hey! Do not be rude or nasty or else I'm going to have you blocked. What I am talking about it something that's extremely serious, and unless you have something that is intelligent for you to talk about, do not speak like that on my comment feed. I am not speaking to you.

[chapawapa]

Block me don't care

[btbc92]

I know you don't care. Because if you care then you would know exactly what is being said to her. Not be rude. I have dealt with sexual harassment and unwanted touches myself, and as somebody who's been a victim of it as well, I think you just need to shut up your mouth.

[chapawapa]

Bye judgmental person. sex before marriage is great. marriage is such a dumbass idea and even waiting before marriage is even dumber. Don't put hour beliefs on people instead help them with their trauma instead on preaching your beliefs. Bye 👋

[btbc92]

I'm telling her reality I ain't telling her no pipe dream. She can choose to do whatever it is that you want, she's the one I have to answer to God for it. But if she chooses to have sex with a person that is not going to be respectful of her, or is just going to leave her after she already choose to have sex who's going to be the one that's got to suffer through it? You or her? Not fighting with you.

[btbc92]

Then I suppose you agree to her getting raped and since you want to talk about me being a judgmental person. You disrespect marriage, disrespect sex, so fun about putting someone else's beliefs on somebody else. You are very much wrong. I'm not putting my boots on her. I am telling her what she needs to think about because she's the one that has to deal with it. Not you. I am helping her as a victim to another. You're not helping her now one bit by allowing her to be in a position what she meant and it was a problem. She is dealing with trauma and psychological and it's going to permanently damaged her if she ain't careful because you think he's just brakes. Yes that's supposed to be wonderful, God made it that way. But it's not meant to be abused. And if she continues on with that she may God forbid end up being abused further. Some men will take advantage of that. But I guess you don't care about that either.

[NavyKyleTGM]

Don't forget God said not to judge people leave the judging to him.

[btbc92]

One can give righteous judgment as long as they have not committed the same since. Maybe next time before you want to pick up the scripture you actually read the Bible because then you would know what the next scripture says.

[btbc92]

Same sin*

[chapawapa]

You need to have a sit-down conversation with him and tell him your limits of things you are not ok with due to being raped. Just talk to him. If he is a nice guy, he will be accommodating and make sure you feel good and special during sex.

I know being raped is hard to say out loud to anyone. But you're not alone, and you are still you! Beautiful and strong. No one can take that away.

So sit down with let me know dos and not dos. Talk about your emotions and the pace you're willing to go before you even have sex or in the sex situation.

Hope this helped

[chapawapa]

So sit down with him and let him know the do's and donts.***

[Anonymous]

My most recent ex was molested by her dad's friend when she was a child so when I would put my hands on her inner thighs she would freak out... It took us awhile but what we did is she would put my hand on her thighs and when she was uncomfortable we held hands... I'm sorry there was a loser in your life but no decent guy is going to hold it against you.

[Berethor]

Yes you should tell him and yes that man should be included in that number, forceful sex is still sex, and that forceful sex likely had more effect on you then your sex with other men.

[On_the_other_hand]

Yes, he needs to know you will be completely honest with him.

[Drumlin2001]

If it affects how you act with him then yes

[JosyJosy]

Yeah it's important to talk about it before getting intimate

[chriscdi]

sexual assault and sex are 2 different things

[magiusX26]

your feared reason is the main reason you should tell a potential partner about it. its easy yo accidentally do something that triggers that type of trauma especially if the trauma existing is not even known.

[Massageman]

Yes. And you should specify what actions the rapist did against so that your NBF will (hopefully) try to avoid those actions, at least for a few years.

[wondering_guy]

If you think you will act out of character during sex if he may do something similar like be abit rougher and it triggers you I'd suggest telling him before hand

[Wise4myage]

I would wait to have this discussion until you know for sure you are going to have sex with this guy.

[Twalli]

You should let him know so he understands why you may not be able to do some things sexually.

[GreenGold1992]

when did it happen, recently or a while ago?

[Asker]

Couple of years back

[GreenGold1992]

Has it been brought up for any reason?

[Asker]

No... He hasn't asked any questions that would lead to that conversation... One thing is to say nothing when there was no "easy" chance, quite another if i had a chancr to tell, especially since it might happen I flip out later...

[GreenGold1992]

I think you should tell him and discuss it if you're that worried. And if he asks how many men you've been with, go with a safe number like 6 (and no that wouldn't include the rapist).

[Xpart]

Oh yes. What if he's a dominant and would get hard on you. You must tell him

[Anonymous]

You should probably tell him before you have sex with him.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need yo envolve him in it. Unless it is still effecting your life