Is it okay to revoke consent after it’s given?

Question

This is probably a dumb question and I’m sorry if it is, I’m just new to this whole thing. Fair warning too, this is going to be a little long. So last night my boyfriend wanted to have sex and I didn’t but gave in after some persistence but I ended up telling him to stop a little bit in because he was being too rough and it was hurting.

He kept ignoring me so I tried scooting out from under him, but then he grabbed me and kinda held me down, telling me to stop being a b**ch. I didn’t really know how to react and just sorta gave up after that. We didn’t talk at all after he finished.

This morning he apologized and said he just got caught up in the moment but I still feel a little weird about it. I just... I don’t know. I’m torn between the fact that I agreed to it and that he didn’t stop when I asked him to. He’s never done anything like this before so I don’t know if he was just trying something different or what.

Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated

zollo · Accepted Answer

Even if he was just "caught up in the moment" It's just really worrying that he didn't listen to you and even held you down. It just makes you think about the possibility of a next time. I'm really sorry this happened to you. Truthfully at first I was going to say no to your question because the question (without reading the description) makes it sound like you consented the whole time but after the fact just felt like taking that away which obviously isn't right and something you can't do. But just how other people have stated, while you gave consent in the first place, during everything you took that back which you have every right to do and that means he should have stopped.

JaneDoe377 · Accepted Answer

Anyone has the right to change their mind about wanting to have sex, even if it happens during. So it is definitely ok to revoke.

Massageman · Accepted Answer

Of course. You should NOT feel weirded out because you said "no" after you said "yes".
Once you say "no", anything he does by touching you after that is considered "sexual battery" or rape. We know of a couple where the husband apologizes every time he beats up his wife. And every time, he sounds convincing. And every time she forgives him. [I'm sure that most of you kind of know how the next sentence will go]. And every time, he ignores his apology and promises, and beats her up - again.

Citizenkirk · Accepted Answer

Sex isn't a roller coaster ride. You can get off the ride before it's finished. No one has the right too hold you too a promise given before the act. In most situations, keeping your word is important, but you shouldn't feel obligated too continue an intimate experience with someone who isn't a good fit for you.

Yanifah · Answer

That is not ok! You can change your mind at any time and he must respect that. And calling you a bitch in the act is unforgivable. Sounds like an awful person.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

You should file rape charges - he raped you

purplepoppy · Answer

No it's not ok. Make it clear you don't want sex and expect him to respect that. What you don't do is half heartily agree then change your mind half way through sex unless he's being an arsehole.

offendedsorbet · Answer

Yeah that's rape. If he had to convince you to do it in the first place it's rape. Sounds like you were pressured into it, it hurt because you weren't turned on, you told him to stop and he didn't. He forced you.

Berethor · Answer

You can, but if you do it often then you not a good girlfriend, as for your boyfriend yea he is very forceful with you, and it's your call if you forgive your boyfriend for that or not.

JustTheTrue · Answer

Your boyfriend is selfish.

likelyOK · Answer

Rape rape rape

slatyb · Answer

You can withdraw consent at any time. You were raped. You said no and he continued while physically restraining you. The guy has a serious problem with impulse control and his view of women. His apology is bullshit. Dump him.

kemo56 · Answer

Yes always even in bondage they have a safe word which means stop either person has the right to change their mind. NO/STOP means Stop now.. debate later

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Yes. You can revoke at any time. If they don't stop, thats sexual assualt/rape

jgirl99 · Answer

Yes ofc it is

Coffemmmsoogood · Answer

he's terrible😢 listen to the people below

Twalli · Answer

He raped you. You can revoke consent any time during sex or before

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Never, ever, start something you are not willing to finish. Why couldn't you just let him cum and be done?

GreenGold1992 · Answer

Yes, we have free will, so can change our minds

asshole_ · Answer

yeah

Cryptic-Game · Answer

He should have withdrew his penis from inside of you then and if he didn't do it as quick as he could, that's intentionally raping you.

Anonymous · Answer

Revoking consent during sex because all of a sudden you feel uncomfortable about something is just fine. But revoking consent several days or weeks after would raise some red flags.