19 d

How do you get over being used for sex by someone you were in love with after they pretended to love you?

Anonymous
So when I was 19 I fell for this guy. I had never even kissed a boy before I met him, and even though things started to go downhill I felt like loving him and sleeping with him wasn’t wrong. We were having unprotected sex, and I would sleep with him whenever he wanted. I was doing things out of being in love that I regret such as swallowing and anal once. I would call him the names he liked to be called in bed, I would give him oral sex while he was driving, I would do everything. I had only ever been with him (and to this day he is still the only man I have ever slept with). But he ghosted me and got with another girl. At first I still loved him and wanted the best for him until I found out that he had gotten with another girl. I felt that if he didn’t want to be together he should have respectfully broken up with me. He had led me on. And because of that betrayal I haven’t even wanted to try again. I won’t lie, if made me feel worthless. I had felt like comfortable with loving him and within an instant he diminished all of my love for myself. Like he was already breaking me down but he took the last bit of love for myself that I had left. And even though I have worked to find myself and love myself again, I am depressed. I won’t lie-what happened caused my depression to become pretty severe. I used to be kind of sad sometimes about life, but i had never felt so badly about myself before. I always wondered if he wanted to apologize for pretending to love me and recently I seen him. I walked away without a word because I couldn’t face him. And afterwards, his brother messaged me just to compliment a photo I posted (I have no idea why). I mentioned running into my ex and I implied that I would like to talk (for closure). I never got a response and I don't know... I just feel like I want to get over it but I don’t know how. I don’t think it was out of line to imply that me and my ex should clear things up because I just wanted decency
Updates:
19 d
And the reason it has impacted my self esteem is because feeling like this is so new to me. I have always been treated with a lot of respect by men around me. My father and male friends would say how proud of me they were. I wasn’t even interested in sex until i met him. I was “best looking” in my high school year book, and I had never felt beneath any other women. And out of every guy, he seemed the most “genuine”- the man I trusted the most treated me like that.
How do you get over being used for sex by someone you were in love with after they pretended to love you?
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