How can I initiate more when it comes to sex and romance?

[Anonymous]

I guess this is mostly for guys to answer but girls are welcome too. So, I am somewhat inexperienced when it comes to sex and relationships. I've had sex (friends with benefits), I just haven't been in a relationship. I've only been having sex for the past 2 years and I find that it is always the guy (it's been 1 guy) who initiates things. He kisses me, he starts touching me first, etc. I am an anxious person so I know that it's the anxiety holding me back because when I'm in the moment I want to do all these things like touch him in certain ways and get on top, but I never do them because I'm just nervous for some reason. He's also mentioned that he would like if I practiced more eye contact, especially when giving head. I honestly don't know what holds me back because when I'm alone with my dildo I will sometimes practice blowjob techniques and I go all in. But on him I hold back a bit. SO, what are some small (or big) ways for me (the girl) to initiate things to get him in the mood.

[Berethor]

He knows that he is the only guy that you had been with? I consider it romantic in and out itself, even though friends with benefits relationships are usually not romantic, did you offer him to be in a official relationship with you? if you was his girlfriend would it made you less anxious? well for a anxious and inexperienced girl you did quite a lot already. First I think that your should take the pressure of yourself, as a girl you don't have to initiate and you don't have to be on top, that's the easy thing about being a girl, you can let the guy do all/most of the work, so the whole initiate and be on top on your part is a bonus, not a must, and in fact many girls who are much more experienced than you are not doing those things.

If you be able to be on top sometimes it would make you cooler, but as long as you having sex with him often enough he would likely okay with you never being on top, even if it makes your sex less varied. What you are more anxious about? your body? the actions themselves? what you think that it would be easier for you to go all out with? while being on top or while giving him a blowjob? and technically you already giving him blowjobs anyway, so it's not like you are not able to do it, while being on top is something that you never did, so far you been submissive, which is typical for a girl, if you be on top it would require from you to be more dominant. The eye contact makes it harder for you or you like it? does it make sex more romantic for you or does is scare you? even after two years that you had been with the guy. Maybe you should go in the opposite direction, instead of having more eye contact him you can blindfold him, and then treat his cock just like you treat your dildo. :)

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenActWomenAre

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OfficialCouple

[Anonymous]

Well guys are pretty simple creatures of nature when it comes to sex. We can get off on pretty much any possible position. So go for that when in the act.
A flirty look usually can trigger his attraction and get the ball rolling. There is something in yalls communication that im sure you can identify that that dialog is there just need to use it more so he catches on to how you feel and what you want to do.
There is body language, a simple thing like bending over can cause a guys brain to think of sex.
Its up to you now to control your body to bend over. The free flow of ideas may be present. But actions have effects far greater than your ideas.
He is not a mind reader.
Thigh to thigh contact generally causes subconscious sexual responses.
Go sit on his lap and see if you feel it get bigger. Im pretty sure you gonna feel it jump. Specially if y'all are alone and kissing is involved. Heck straddle him facing him and start kissing him when you want him.
Doesn't take much to turn some guys on. If its always him to initiate, he might get tired of that, Specially if you turn him down often.
But the first 2 years, you probably not there yet. And still young so y'all are getting at it a lot im sure.
If your just not being aggressive enough to your own likes. Well guess what. You are the only person who controls your body to make it move. As cold hard fact as it is. Not being rude. Just have to make it known its all on you to do what you want. If its fears, we all have them. Step up to the plate and welcome to the world. Take your swing hun!
Now if its romantic encounters you want. He states what he likes. Use your imagination and act on it. He won't laugh at you and if he does trust its not at you its with you.
Those laughs are sometimes priceless memories that guys keep forever. You might as well.
So make happy memories not oh my gosh is he gonna like that i held my leg like that. All nervous.
Relax and have fun with you self and him.
y'all already got the hard parts out of the way.
Now its fine tuning for quality.
If you dont watch porn. Go educate yourself on what he is watching. Ask him to put it on and do what they do. Watch his reactions to that one!
Yet again its you to commit to doing those activities and make your body move. Your not a puppet. Your a woman.
You can be submissive or you can be a little more aggressive. The choice really is yours.
I do hope you can get past any type of anxiety or depression or anything of the sort that would hinder you and yours happiness.
Like the old saying goes, work hard play harder.
Hope this helps.

[AustinMan]

Start by doing as much of what he asks as you can. Tell him you're self conscious and that you need him to patiently teach you what he wants and set up some code words for you asking for sex.

[chrissykerdock]

wear a mini skirt that should get him in the mood... wear make up maybe a necklace or a choker... if he's not biting rub his crouch when tongue kissing... or just ask him do you like blowjobs? which isn't exactly saying you will your just asking if he likes them... there's a few guys that are too shy to ask... making eye contact is easy when your kneeling before him

[socksguy]

It's not so much what you do, but how you do it. You seem to lack confidence and that shows through. Be yourself... it's okay to be unsure, ask questions, do you like this? What if I do that? Make sure you're comfortable in whatever you try, and never break a boundary that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Also remember, every guy likes different things, just because your friends with benefits likes one thing does not mean your next boyfriend will. Don't be afraid to stumble, that's the fun part.

[coolhandroo]

Talk to him casually before hand. Not right before necessarily but communication is so key and easy it's a no brainer.