Is waiting till marriage only beneficial for women?

[Anonymous]

Last year I was dating a girl that wanted to wait till marriage. Then ever since this pandemic started, we couldn't see each anymore. It became a online relationship until she broke (through messenger) in May.

I've been dateless ever since. I don't want to risk getting sick either. I was willing to wait for her though. As soon as this madness goes away, I'm going to date again and this time don't stay with someone waiting till marriage. Honestly is waiting till marriage only beneficial for women? I'll get nothing out of it (other than frequent raging hormones, sexual urges and unstoppable fantasies of what's it like... all that replaced by jerking off and it still not satisfying) while she does.

I'll be turning 21 soon, only got one more year of college (online classes for now) and didn't get the chance yet... to do it.

[btbc92]

If all you care about is just yourself to do stay single. Waiting for marriage is to ensure both parties are not just having sex selfishly and cause problems. You wait until marriage because you have a desire to be with that person forever, you love them, and you want to share that kind of intimacy with that person and only that one person. All you care about is just having sex, then you were free to have sex with any woman that you want it. But then you'll be screwing yourself up and then other women may not be interested in you except for the ones that already done the same thing. If she broke up with you, this probably about reason why. And the way how you speak I say she done the right thing. If you do not share the same values don't date somebody who does not equally share your values. They are men that do wait, that wants to wait, and we'll wait. But don't treat women as if we just opportunities for sex because we're not. We're human beings too.

I believe in waiting and know that waiting is the right decision because that desire should ONLY be for my husband, not Tom, Dick and Harry. And Ivan, Thomas or Jake, Bobby, Tommy, Lucas, etc. Really? Then that means sex is not meaningful or monogamous as it should be. I believe in monogamy and how God has naturally designed it. If you have no desire for real intimacy, then I don't see what in the world is really your problem. Fornication is fornication. If you choose to be in sexual sin then that's your personal choice. But you have no right to try to force that when someone else just like nobody can try to force you into monogamy or to wait. Everybody has rules. And her rules was that she was wanting to wait until marriage. But you just liking the idea of willing to wait was not smart at all. Because now you pretty much showing that you resent her for it. If all you care about is yourself, then that is that. Won't make you any happier. But it is your choice. But don't blame us for your problems for something that you yourself made the choice for.

[btbc92]

As a virgin myself, I know to wait. It is hard to find suitable partner, but guys like you are wishy washy and a liability. Because you don't care for yourself about that, and then you going to be expecting things sexually that should not even happen. Either you learn to have real love for a person or you just going to only be with that person solely because of sex and because of the experiences that you want sexually. All those may not care about it, but then don't be complaining about the kind of relationship that you have or the kind of sex like that you got. It ain't about what you like. Is about what is needed to have a stable and long-lasting relationship. You in your last year of college you should be focusing on College. Not seeing when you going to actually get laid. Because if you wanted to get laid you would have done so years ago. So whatever you do do not use that as an excuse. Everybody has opportunities. Everybody, no after how they lost it. The differences are you going to do it in sin or are you going to do it the right way? Because either way I don't think it would have been wise if she got married to you and this is how you actually think and believe. She deserve better.

[Asker]

I'll be ok with sex in a relationship. I don't think that's asking for too much. I'm not religious either.

[btbc92]

It's not about religion it's about doing what is right. It's about having respect for yourself sexually is about respecting the other person sexually. Know you're asking way too much because you're not entitled to sex. A woman is not going to want to have sex with you if you don't have respect for her and her personal needs. Sex is not meant to be selfish and it's not about you it's about the other person. So if you don't give a damn about the other person, then you're with that person for the wrong reasons. So you can be okay with it all you want. But again you make that decision then you can't complain about the aftermath. I would never be with a person who's going to treat me poorly sexually. Again that is asking too much because the woman is not entitled more obligated to have sex with you. Because the one that has to suffer sexually mostly would be us. You men can attach and detach at will sexually. We women do not have that so-called luxury for good reason. If she would have had sex with you outside of marriage you can guarantee that relationship would have never lasted. The one that would have suffered the most would have been her because she could have gave that to her husband. You don't know how much damage premarital sex causes a person.

[btbc92]

And I'm pretty sure if my late mother was here right now she would have told you that she would have rather be religious than to die because of getting HPV. If you want to screw yourself up you go right ahead no way in hell would I have a man screw me up and God forbid to end up like my mother. She told me to wait for a reason. And good thing she did. Thank God it's not in me for me to do that outside imagine I know it's not in me to do. Because I don't believe in doing wrong. You don't realize right now you are being extremely selfish. Sex is serious and it's not something to play games with. What you have sex for the first time and it's not done in marriage that will impact you for the rest of your life. So you can do what you wish but you have no right to try to screw someone else's life up. That's probably why she dumped you in the first place because she had to get away from you in order to wake up and realize what she's been doing. You was not the right person for her. If you knew for a fact you did not want to wait, you should have told her from the day one and then the moment you found out that she believes in Waiting you should have declined it and allow her to be with somebody else will. And you can be with a woman who is willing to open up her legs to you. But then she the one is going to be at fault and shouldn't complain how she shouldn't never got with you. If I desire to be with a person, I have the right to a healthy sex life in my marriage. You may be 21 but don't screw yourself up man. There are many your age there already regretting it. You're only a virgin once.

[Cherokeehp]

It isn’t really beneficial to anyone in my opinion. As long as you have sex with people you like and you both are consenting adults and practice safe sex, then sex is a pretty awesome experience.

[Asker]

yeah next time, I'll date a girl that's ok with having sex in a relationship. I have to admit I'm a bit embarrassed that I'm nearly 21 and still a virgin myself.

[Cherokeehp]

There’s nothing wrong with still being a virgin. Your virginity isn’t really that big of a deal and you have to decide when you feel ready.

[Anonymous]

Yup there's no point in it, its like buying a house without ever actually walking through it

[Asker]

I'll start dating soon after this pandemic goes away. I'm ok with sex in a relationship. I'm no longer interested in a girl waiting till marriage.

[Berethor]

How long you was planing to wait for her? religious people usually get married earlier.

[Asker]

1 year

[Berethor]

Okay, well it not seem too much, and was she going to marry you before the pandemic happen?

[Asker]

She said she was after finishing college. Then the pandemic changed our plans. Oh well. Now I'll have to wait for the madness to go away.

[asshole_]

Nope

[Anonymous]

Waiting for marriage is beneficial for both men and women. As it is the least risky form of sex when it comes to STDs.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s beneficial for anyone, I think you should be sure you’re happy with your partner in all aspects of the relationship before tying it down. Some people have waited until marriage then realised that they didn’t work together sexually and that put a strain on the relationship which eventually ended with divorce. Which is a lot of money wasted for something that could’ve easily been prevented.

[btbc92]

That is actually false and myth. My friends have gotten married very young and have waited until marriage to have sex. Many of them now have families of their own and they are extremely happy. Especially because they waited. You do not want to do that before marriage because that's what makes managers not last even more. Besides having the struggles and the trials that marriage brings regardless because it's a higher level than dating. It's a choice to do it before marriage but it's considered fornication and a sense, and it's a choice to wait. But it all boils down to how you view sex, marriage, love, and intimacy. If you use sex as negative then it won't matter when you choose to have it, it will still be negative. If you mad as negative, then it won't matter then it won't matter what is you get married, you still see marriage as a negative thing and you may still want to divorce. It's all about the psychological. Not just personal beliefs. Sex takes work because you are joined together and you joined as one. That's why marriage is about having sex is not all about love. It's about sex. You make the decision to love that person or you don't. Plenty of couples have had sex outside of marriage, but they end up in divorce more unlikely than those who did not have sex. They are actual statistics to prove that. And if you look at Divorce Court websites, and the statistics about divorce you would actually see that most people who ended up divorced or those who already had premarital sex than those who didn't. Divorce is to prevent you from not divorcing at all. When you make a decision to marry the person, you made the decision to marry. Do not marry somebody you are not actually willing to die for, and not willing to die together with. It's not a joke. That's why you don't fool around with sex because if you do it before marriage you're still tied down to that person sexually anyway. And that is what screws up relationships not just marriage.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay but just because your friends are happily married doesn’t mean it’s a myth, because what I wrote about happened to my friends.

[btbc92]

What you're speaking about is actually proof of why it's a myth. Your friends had unrealistic expectations about sex and that's why they ended up with problems. Sex is not meant to be perfect. It's not meant to be whatever it is that you're thinking it is. It requires work. You got to think of it as if you're buying Farmland. But it has nothing on it except for soil. Or it's bearing. You got to have tools, you got to have plants, you got to have a lot of things. That's what sex is. You start from nothing and then you build with it TOGETHER. You learn together. It's not about performance or any of that silly nonsense. That's why so many people are miserable. Unrealistic expectations besides being exposed to sexually explicit material such as pornography and masturbating is what causes problems with people sexually and how they view sex. It has nothing to do with waiting. Is about who you are and who that person is. Because you cannot do anything sexually such as not masturbating and watching and get with a person who does then that's when you're incompatible. And that is just an example. You can't treat sex like it's a game. And your friends have chose to make sex like it's a joke so now this sexually suffering. They have to make the choice to either learn to love their Partners or they going to end up with a problem. And it's not going to be anybody else's fault but theirs.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, I disagree. I didn’t say it was anyone else’s fault either.

[btbc92]

A lot of you people have been to a very wrong about sex. That's why you have to befriend your partner, you got to learn to love your partner in all things. You're going to be many things you're not going to like about your partner, but they're still your part. You made the choice to have them as your partner nobody put a gun to your head and say Hey you better have them or else it's a choice. And whatever choice you make with that person you made it with that person together. That's marriage. It ain't about what you want, and about what the other person who want. It's about what you both need together and you work towards building that together as a couple. It's a partnership. Not to see who can keep score. You either work together or you both going to tear each other apart. It takes two to tango. It's about time people start getting with the program. Is like being out no more. Don't matter how much of a rival your team member is. You are still a team in there still on your team. If all you do is constantly fight with each other then your team is going to lose the war. So when you work together then you both become winners and your team will not only survive but you will succeed. That's marriage.

[btbc92]

You can say you disagree but you're not the one that got married or is married. Your friends did but who fails? They did. It's not about what you agree it is about what you need to accept. Because once you get married that's it. Have fun joke around whatever you want to do all you want that's your friend will, but the one that's got to live with it, the one that has to suffer it's only going to be you. Because it's your life, you're the one that has to live it. All the people are not going to give a damn. Because they'll screw your life up and they'll just keep on moving. If your friends had this knowledge I doubt they would have ended up divorced.

[Opinion Owner]

I still disagree.

[btbc92]

That's why you have to be careful who you marry, and not just who you choose to screw. If you are not with the right person who is willing to do the right things with you, they will screw up. I have divorced friends too. And they will strictly tell you that you are wrong about that. Because marriage is hard regardless. Yes you going to want to have sex, but you have to work together. You still free to disagree, but again you will end up learning that hard way if you ever decide to take that step. If you are not sexually active yet, do not say I didn't warn you. If my friends would have talked to you they would have gave you some harsh lessons about waiting. And some of them did not wait until marriage to have sex because they already lost her virginity. A lot of them wish they waited.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay but that’s your friends, not mine. My friends have told me otherwise. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on it.

[btbc92]

I'm not here to try to force anything on you, I'm only giving you the back. Whatever it is that happened with your friends is what happened with your friends. That's their life, that's their decision. It would have never fared any better if they already had that thought. If they already would like that and he will not fit for marriage. Again it's not just your opinion. What they're telling you is not the entire truth. They can tell you anything, but they cannot share everything with you because again you have no experience in that area. I'm telling you exactly what they don't want you to hear. They already made that mistake by themselves. Because they were not equipped nor were they mature enough to understand what marriage entitles and what waiting for marriage to have sex. It's not just my opinion. You can look it all up because there is statistics and research to back it up. If they actually felt that then they should have never got married because they don't belong in it. Yes you and how did you have an opinion, just like on the inside to have my opinion. But what I'm telling you it's not an opinion. These are facts. I have spoken to many couples and many individuals who went through similar. And I can guarantee you there's a lot more than what your friends are actually say. You got to get deeper with it. and not just hear what you hear on a surface. If your sexual attitudes are not correct you will end up with problems. They had unrealistic expectations of what they think sex is. When you have that going on, then sex is never going to be what you desire for it to be. It causes problems and disappointment. And waiting is not the problem. Mentality is.

[Opinion Owner]

Even so, I still don’t think people should be insulted or shamed for choosing to have sex before marriage. I know it’s something that I would do, I wouldn’t be at all comfortable waiting until marriage to have sex.

[btbc92]

Let me ask you a question what do you think sex is? What do you think marriage is? And most importantly what do you think of marriage entitled? It's not about being insulted or shame is about education. It's about being educated. Remember that it's your life it's your choice so if you already feel bad about your choice in who the one that has to deal with it and pay for it? You do. If you know that you're already going to have sex before marriage, then what's the point of getting married? What is the point do you not know that once you choose to open up your legs to one man sexually you already tied down to that man already for the rest of your life? That doesn't mean that you're going to be with them forever because once they make a decision to leave you or you leave them then they're not physically there right? But you still going to remember them. That's going to affect you sexually and I'm telling you by experiences of others who again did not wait until marriage. I can even tell you about experiences of my own father who had a 40+ women. And how many of those women were because they did the same thing you did. Now many of them and knocked up with kids, baby daddy looking like somewhere, on marriage number two or three, 20 + partners. It's not letting me try to shame you. I want you to think in challenge your beliefs about this. What is the point of getting married if all you're going to do is fool around sexually anyway pick in what way does it benefit you? And your partner? And your future children if you're even going to have going to have kids? Do you not know that also affects their sex life and their future? You can't just think about the here and now you got to think about the future implications of your choice. Like I said I ain't trying to change your mind. I just want you to seriously think about what you're saying before you end up making a mistake you're going to wish that you didn't make.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay sorry but this is where I’m going to end the conversation. Have a good day.