Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Am I a cheater if I have sex with another girl after she told me she doesn't want me twice?

A girl that i was with her for a month but now she left to another city for work and studies and she will come back but she said she doesn't want a relationship with me because she isn't fully healed of her ex and also the distance.. i asked her she said if it wasn't for the distance i would try it with u for sure. Then after 2 weeks when she was leaving i asked again and she said i am not fully healed of my ex yet.. i should had told u that and if it wasn't for that i would try it with u.. soo she said 2 times now but she wants me like crazy and we talk all day everyday like we are in a relationship but without the table of boyfriend girlfriend
Anyway.. if i have sex with other girls am i the bad guy? or cheater or something? I mean i asked her for a relationship twicr and she said no.. i dont think its my fault if she push me away.. what do you think guys?
Updates:
+1 y
The girl is coming back next months for 2 weeks but i already slept with another girl.. how i drop the new girl now without hurting her because i really wanna stay those 2 weeks with this long distance girl.. i would leave any girl for her..
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This is a pointless question. If there have been no perimeters set for a relationship than you are a free agent to do whatever with whomever you want. She may be trying to have her cake and eat it too but that is not how the world works.

    Even if she asked you to not have sex with other girls but still doesn't want a relationship makes her petty and selfish. On top of that let's say you oblige her request and two years down the road you find out she has been sleeping with other people or even ended up in a relationship. You just pissed away two years of your life waiting on someone that burned you.

    Unless it is set in stone that you are in a committed relationship don't worry about hurting her feelings. Right now she can't even sort her feelings out. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder in long distance relationships which is true but the end of that is of someone closer to that person.

    • I know.. she also told me that she can't get mad at me for sleeping with other girls because she doesn't want a relationship with me but i am mad if she sleeps with someone else bro because she is the best girl i ever found.. and i had a lot of girls... and i dont try to look cocky about it.. but its true

    • Yeah it is perfectly normal for you to feel that way but in all honesty you are stressing out over something that you can't control. I know it drives you crazy thinking of her with another guy but until she is ready for a relationship you are not getting any where. Stop causing yourself unneeded stress about something that you can't control.

    • I know.. but i dont wanna hurt her by telling her that i am seeing other womens..

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  • No you have your needs and you're not in a relationship with this woman.

    "Like" in a relationship isn't the same as being in a relationship.

    She doesn't want you plain and simple. You may think she does because of all the attention you give her, for what though?

    Her self validation, that's all. She needs you to feed her insecurities that she's OK and worthy. All the while she'll never ever get with you and in the meantime is fucking other men without telling you. Why would she? It's none of your business.

    If you stop giving her attention she'll just leach it off someone else.

    And yes you read that right, she is fucking other men, guaranteed.

    So off you fuck and please yourself young man. Afterall, you've no legal and binding terms with this women do you? No you don't.

    • Thank you for MHO :-)

    • In response to your update: So? You're not going to do anything with the girl coming back. Don't drop the girl you currently have! If the one coming back asks you "Are you seeing other women/talking to them?" You say "Yes I am!" Don't chase this woman who's coming back. She doesn't want you. If you ignore the above you still won't have her and the one you have now won't be in your life either. Leave her be and carry on as you're now.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You aren't a cheater if you hook up with another girl but it will affect your chances of having a straightforward relationship or friends with benefits with this girl.

    With this level of complexity, you should cut your losses move on, and dont do the thing where you continue to lead her on after you pursue another girl as if you're interested in this first girls personality - if you were, no other sex would be worth ruining her perception of you being a gentleman or not.

    The way you're describing things, it sounds like you're weighing "who might give me the most sex?" This isn't a great question to ask if she's in the headspace of trying to become more emotionally available. Two people are just looking for two different things.

    • Exactly these points

    • Additionally, the girl being that close and emotional, I would suspect more than 50% it would feel like u are "cheating" on her

    • No xoxocutekitty.. i am between destroying my feels by sleeping with other girls because she doesn't want a relationship with me or do nothing and let my feels destroy me.. i dont wanna have 6 months depression again and not be able to work or workout or do anything like i was with my ex.

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  • You’re not a cheater for doing that but be open and honest with her about what you are doing if you see the potential for a relationship with her. Just say something along the lines of “hey, I really like you I want to have a relationship with you but both times that I’ve asked, you’ve denied me and I don’t want to push u into a relationship you’re not ready for. So, even though you are my first choice, since I am technically single I am still going to see other women and I just wanted to let you know so that you aren’t in the dark about this.” As long as you’re not hiding anything, you’re doing nothing wrong.

    • That's what a real person should say, honest, direct , clear cut , tactful.

    • Wow great answer.. but it will hurt her a lot tho..😔

    • It will hurt her more if she finds out you are seeing other women from someone else. If she doesn’t want u to see other women then she should get over her ex and enter into a relationship with you. It’s not fair to you to stay loyal to her while at the same time she refuses to make things official with you

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What Girls & Guys Said

14 23

  • I guess it depends on your respective value systems. For me, it would be okay but I might tell her first to see how she reacts.

  • Um well if she isn’t making it sexual and you two aren’t driving back and fourth to have sex with each other then I would say you're inbounds to see other people. I would say let her know that you want to start seeing other people but you’ll still be her friend.

  • No, because you tried to make your relationship with her exclusive and she chose to remain single. If you think you have a chance with her since she's clearly into you, I would probably abstain from having sex with other girls in case she doesn't believe that you're serious about committing to her. If it seems like she knows, than maybe she'll feel jealous when she sees you with other girls and change her mind about not becoming official with you.

  • You wouldn't be a cheater because you aren't going out but I don't recommend doing it unless you both are on the same page of seeing other people and not leading each other on. She made her choice but still if she likes you and you like her then wait until she's ready to be in a relationship

  • No, you’re not doing anything wrong if you sleep with someone else. However, i wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy who’s off texting his ex all day. So if you’re into sex with someone else, you need to back off the distant girl and show a little more loyalty to whoever you see next.

    • THe girl is the one that's putting him on the backburner for her ex. Why should she wait for her?

    • why should *he wait for her?

    • No I’m saying he needs to let go of her for the most part if he’s concerned about having sex with other women.

  • is this a serous question? If you don't have anyone to cheat on you can't fucking cheat.

    • Well its like we are in a relationship.. talking all day everyday telling me babe and stuff but with the table of relationship. Soo is it bad if i do it? Should i ever tell her?

    • its like you are in a relationship, you aren't in one. what part of that aren't you getting? go fuck whoever you want. chances are pretty good she will be doing the same

    • you are a bit soft for a guy like you.. no offense. who has time for chit chatting all day with a girl? get on your purpose bro

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  • All you had to say was that you weren't in a relationship with her. It's not cheating

    • Also, I'd say.. you're wasting your time on her. Move on and talk to other girls in general. Don't ever stick around for girls pining for their ex

  • You are not a cheater. She has told you that she is not in a relationship with you for multiple reasons. You have to be in a relationship before you can cheat.

  • Have you and your crush had sex? More than once? The question is not whether she has a "right" to expect you to be faithful; this is an area where it doesn't matter whether her expectation is objectively reasonable. Do you think she has an expectation for you to be faithful to her?

    • Yes we had sex almost everyday.. she told me i can't tell u to now date other girls because i can't have you to wait for me for ever but i wouldn't like it either.. thats what she told me soo i know she will get hurt a lot if i do it but i dont i won't erase my feels for her and it will. destroy me and i dont wanna destroy. my feels for her...

    • Do, if you have already answered the question for yourself, why bother to ask?

  • She already “cheated” on you 3 times while you were writing your question.


    1. She does think your relationship is serious.
    2. You don’t think it’s serioys.
    3. You never made it official.


    The only problem is in your mind. To simplify things stop wasting any time on her.

    • Oops. I meant she doesn’t think it’s serious. Dumb phone

    • She likes me and want me a lot and she is sad because we can't be together.. but the reason we can't be together is because she isn't heal from her previous relationship and the distance..

  • if you want to try and build a relationship with her then it's going to be tricky because well go with the golden rule here
    DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU
    what would you think if she did what you did and you did what she did
    if you don't think that she will find out about the two sleep overs then don't tell her just start from the day she told you she couldn't live without you but believe me there's something's you don't tell your woman and this is one of them

    • True words.. i won't tell her of course.. she said we can't be in relationship because of distance but i know if she finds out it will hurt her a lot.

    • although she told you that there were reasons why you shouldn't be in a relationship she obviously changed her mind at some point find out when that point was and if she saw anyone then you will know what you should reveal I had situation like that and I came clean and she left me and died later you can't second guess you're desitions you just have to move on

    • 😥😥😥 whaat.. she really want me

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  • I think you are absolutely not at fault here or in the wrong. Until she commits, you should feel free to do as you please. If she has a problem with that, you may need to pass on this one lol.

  • No your not that dont mean she will be happy or pleased by it but she is the 1 in the wring there

    • Yea i know.. i won't tell her but i also dont wanna lie to her if she ever ask... but she is the one who pushed me away 2 times and still doesn't want a relationship with me.. but she wants me like. crazy

  • Nope you aren’t cheating , you told her twice that you wanted to be with her and she said No so that means you are single , If you like her don’t tell her you slept with another girl but it’s ok to tell her you are going to see other girls since she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you

    • And how to deal with the fact that she will sleep with other people and stuff? Any help on that?

    • If she sleeps with other guys then their is nothing you can do about that , I know you really like her but you Can’t force her not to , considering she told you she didn’t want a relationship , so best thing for you to do is focus on yourself and do what’s best for you , never be a sitting duck for someone , if they aren’t giving what you are giving then you need to move on , you can still be her friend but in 1 of your conversations with her I will ups just mention to her that you are going on a date with a another girl and see what her reaction to that is , if she gets jealous then you can say well you didn’t want to be with me so I am dating and seeing what else is out there. Girls love that game of chase they usually want what they can’t have so by you not being a sitting duck she might come chase you , it’s better to take that chance then never knowing

    • True... thanks bro..

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  • Whatever dude. I doubt she really really likes you.

  • Not at all! If she rejected you, she has to accept the fact that other people will have you.

  • Uhm wtf how would you be cheating? y'all aren't even together and she dosnt want you? What dosnt make sense

    • She want me a lot she just can't have me because she is not ready and because of distancr

  • No you are not cheating at all

  • Still cheating if you were in a relationship. Now if not, he’ll nah and tell her to go f**k herself.

  • Tell her before you do that you will have sex with others since she doesn’t want to be with you. Like this she will know aware of time and have time to think better her decision

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