Why is he making me feel insecure rather than communicating with me about my likes and dislikes?

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind giving my boyfriend oral but I also have my boundaries, not for any lame reason but for my comfort zone. I want to feel just as comfortable doing it as he is receiving but he has this thing, where he likes to grab my head/hair and force me down on his penis and often I pull away or at least I try to get out of his grip or remove his hand away from my head as a reaction to let him know, that doesn’t work for me. I literally feel as though I’m gonna vomit when he does that. I rather control my own head movement and pace and go as deep as I know I can handle, not forcefully. He also does this thing where when he’s about to orgasm from the blow job, he forces my head down even more knowing I can’t handle it then he will get angry at the fact that I couldn’t catch it all in my mouth when he finishes off. He starts making me feel insecure about it. Telling me how I’m acting like a”Little girl” and that me acting that way turns him off and that I shouldn’t talk back so much (referring to when we sometimes have disagreements or arguments) when I don’t even know how to give oral the right way and even told me to go watch more videos so that I could learn. He was just so rude about it all because I rather not gag on him but enjoy it, at my own tempo instead, just as he enjoys receiving. It’s a way to communicate everything but he wasn’t communicating more so just making me feel bad about myself and giving me low self esteem and all I can think about now is how I’m not good enough and I can’t make him feel how he wants and believing he’s gonna cheat and I hate feeling this way just because I have a small sexual boundary.

[LandoCalrisiano]

I think there is a big misunderstanding on your side.
It's not you who isn't good enough for him but he who isn't good enough for you.
As you seem to be caring that much about his pleasure, his feelings and his joy there is nothing you should blame yourself for.
But as he obviously isn't caring the same way about your feelings and isn't interested in you feeling well, i definitely would recommend you to dump him.
There is people out there who are going to value and appreciate you the way you are and the way you like to give oral and everything else about you and your personality!
There obviously is a lack of respect for you on his side and hearing this might gonna hurt you, which i really would prefer not to do so, but this doesn't change anything about it being true.
Seems like he is just interessted in a submissive partner and not in an equal relationship, which isn't the way a healthy relationship should look like.
You really deserve way better!
Don't let someone like that reduce your self esteem as he isn't worth it!
Respect yourself! Because you deserve it!
Claim the same respect, you got for your partner, from your partner.
If he isn't able to do so then there is no reason why he should be a part of your live as he clearly doesn't deserves to be.
Also where is the sense in a relstionship if communication isn't working or someone isn't even interested in communication?
It's one of the most critical and important parts of a relationship.
Your partner also should never tell you to be less disagreeing with him as it is your opinion and he should be interested in your opinion despite of his own opinion.
So yes, unfortunately he clearly isn't respecting you which is a shame and i'm really sorry about this being like that and also having to tell you.

But as you're in love with him, the dumping part most likely isn't going to happen yet, so i know that saying this may won't help you handle this situation at the moment but as it's my opinion is just had to mention it right in the beginning.
Still i'm hoping that saying this could open your eyes and make you readjust your priorities. Also i'm pretty sure that you'll have to admit this being true at some point and then you'll hopefully be able to move on.

But for the moment as i'm sure that you are willing to work on it and willing to give it another try no matter of what i say or how much i'm right about this, you should try to face him with his lack of respect for you.
If he isn't even willing to communicate about it then you got your answer!

You seem to be a very lovely and caring person and that's what your partner should be like as well!

Much love and good luck for handling this situation and i really hope you won't let him continue to reduce your self esteem!

[LiamSawyer]

Guys that don't communicate about you likes, dislikes, needs and desires are usually selfish lovers.