Is it weird, for a virgin woman, to want a man who doesn't have a promiscuous past?

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Yes

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darkcloud1945 Xper 7
+1 y
lots of guys fuck everything in sight but want a virgin to marry. Why can't you be picky with what you want.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Indeed lol
mich15smith Xper 7
+1 y
No you are allowed to pursue what makes you happy and set whatever standards for partners that you want.
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What Girls & Guys Said

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Berethor Master
+1 y
It's not common for women to care about that, but it makes sense, especially if you religious.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NatureAdoresAVirgin
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Gerdchen Xper 3
+1 y
It's OK to want what you want. You just don't always get what you want. Please don't dump a good man who has a past for a shitty one just because the latter one is still a virgin. That advice applies to both sexes.
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Soremain Yoda
+1 y
That sounds more expected than weird. It would be weird if you wanted a man with promiscuous past.
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kemo56 Xper 6
+1 y
No I don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting someone the same condition as you were in... But don't pass up a winner just because he's not a virgin
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DanielDimock Xper 2
+1 y
I think that’s cool :) I’m looking for a woman she doesn’t have to be a virgin just not slutty
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AmeerX Guru
+1 y
Yes it feels weird
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Why?
- AmeerX
  +1 y
  I mean you could do so much better with a virgin man. Why go for a non virgin especially if he doesn't have a justifiable reason
- Asker
  +1 y
  I said I didn't want a promiscuous guy... 🙄
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- AmeerX
  +1 y
  It is your choice but I wouldn't recommend it
- AmeerX
  +1 y
  Preferring a non virgin who has been sleeping around and not married means he was just enjoying the fun and he will do that to you too
- Asker
  +1 y
  Exactly... That's why I don't want a guy like that...
- AmeerX
  +1 y
  But you just said you want a guy like that in your previous message
- Asker
  +1 y
  No, I said I want a guy who isn't promiscuous.
- AmeerX
  +1 y
  Oh I read it wrong. I think you are right to do it🙄. Yes you should prefer a virgin guy. And no it is definitely not weird at all. I prefer a virgin girl for myself too being one myself
Wise4myage Master
+1 y
Its quite normal in my opinion.
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Dchrls78104 Master
+1 y
Why would it be? I'm a virgin man, and I don't want any used-up old whore!
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MountAverage Guru
+1 y
I don't know about weird, I just don't really get it.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Why?
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  So, let's say you meet a new guy and everything's perfect. Would you reject him because he's had casual sex in the past? Why?
- Asker
  +1 y
  If he's been with too many partners based on my personal limit, yes.
- Show All Show Less
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  How do you determine how many is "too many"? And again - what exactly bothers you about it?
- Asker
  +1 y
  My limit is 10. This is what I believe is enough to have some fun when younger and maybe some casual experiences without being a womanizer. Why does it bother me? Because promiscuity doesn't exist in a vacuum. With promiscuity go a higher risk of STDs, higher level of HPVs exposure, bigger sexual bagage and probably different expectations, lesser ability to be into exclusive relationships and to be satisfied with only one partner, values and ideology that aren't mine.
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  Wait, so it's actually a specific number regardless of the guy's age and history? That doesn't seem very rational to me, but okay. I also have a hard time seeing 10 as being a "womanizer", unless it's within a VERY short period of time. By the way, if promiscuous women are being shamed as "sluts", why are promiscuous men being labeled "womanizers" (which has a very positive connotation to many people, unlike "slut")? That's just crazy sexist. Not saying that's your fault haha, just wanted to point that out as well. "With promiscuity go a higher risk of STDs, higher level of HPVs exposure" - So you'd assume he didn't use protection? "bigger sexual bagage" - What is "sexual baggage? "and probably different expectations" - That's probably true. But why is that bad? "lesser ability to be into exclusive relationships, and to be satisfied with only one partner," - Not necessarily. In fact, a lot of people who've had a promiscuous past are actually dying to finally find something serious, something that lasts. And on the flipside, a lot of people who've only had one or two partners since the beginning, often eventually find themselves longing for more experiences. So I really don't agree with that point. "values and ideology that aren't mine." - What values and "ideologies" are those?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Why are men with a promiscuous past see as stud while women are regarded as sluts? Patriarchy lol.
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  "Why are men with a promiscuous past see as stud while women are regarded as sluts? Patriarchy lol." - Well yeah, that was my point. At least we agree on that part. Haha
- Asker
  +1 y
  The correlation between the amount of sexual partners and oddity of catching an STD has been shown in many studies. Condoms don't protect completely against HPVs
- Asker
  +1 y
  Bigger sexual baggage as what goes with having sex with someone, possibly some bitter exes, emotional baggage too and so on...
- Asker
  +1 y
  What are promiscuous guys expectations, in your opinion?
- Asker
  +1 y
  I don't want to be an other girl he's been with. I guess I want to be more special than that probably because I have a very high self-esteem... I don't know.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Values and ideology such as: sex is a very intimate act more than going to the cinema, having someone getting tested before having sex, sex isn't a casual act, being picky about the persons you let in your life and touch your body,...
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  "The correlation between the amount of sexual partners and oddity of catching an STD has been shown in many studies. Condoms don't protect completely against HPVs" - Question: How frequently do you get into a car? (Driver or passenger, doesn't matter.) "Bigger sexual baggage as what goes with having sex with someone, possibly some bitter exes, emotional baggage too and so on..." - Haha, in my experience that's definitely worse with people who have been in fewer but longer relationships. People tend to be much more bitter after a long relationship has ended. "What are promiscuous guys expectations, in your opinion?" - Not just men, for women as well, I would say the expectations are a more relaxed approach to sexuality. And by that I do not mean anything regarding crazy kinks or polyamory or whatever. What I mean is simply to not treat sex as some holy grail that should be worshipped and feared. But instead have a healthy, mature, and balanced approach to it (within a serious relationship that is). And especially to be able to openly communicate about it like adults instead of like awkward teenagers. What is your opinion what promiscuous people's (men and women) sexual expectations are? Maybe we mean two different things. "I don't want to be an other girl he's been with. I guess I want to be more special than that probably because I have a very high self-esteem... I don't know." - Why do you think you'd feel less special and why do you think it would lower your self-esteem? If anything, if a guy who's been promiscuous in the past decides to be in a committed relationship with you, you should feel even more special! :D
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  "Values and ideology such as: sex is a very intimate act more than going to the cinema, having someone getting tested before having sex, sex isn't a casual act, being picky about the persons you let in your life and touch your body,..." - I don't understand what any of that has to do with "ideology", but that aside you seem to have very stereotypical misconceptions about promiscuity. Being promiscuous doesn't necessarily mean someone's not picky. I for instance had promiscuous phases now and then in my past, and I was always quite picky. Also, being promiscuous doesn't mean you don't care about protection. I know a lot of people who've hooked up very frequently after night outs, and some of them I know care a lot about being safe always. Again, there's such and such. You're being too lazy if you put everyone in the same box.
- Asker
  +1 y
  "The correlation between the amount of sexual partners and oddity of catching an STD has been shown in many studies. Condoms don't protect completely against HPVs" - Question: How frequently do you get into a car? (Driver or passenger, doesn't matter.)--> during summer holidays "Bigger sexual baggage as what goes with having sex with someone, possibly some bitter exes, emotional baggage too and so on..." - Haha, in my experience that's definitely worse with people who have been in fewer but longer relationships. People tend to be much more bitter after a long relationship has ended. But there are less exes... "What are promiscuous guys expectations, in your opinion?" - Not just men, for women as well, I would say the expectations are a more relaxed approach to sexuality. And by that I do not mean anything regarding crazy kinks or polyamory or whatever. What I mean is simply to not treat sex as some holy grail that should be worshipped and feared. But instead have a healthy, mature, and balanced approach to it (within a serious relationship that is). And especially to be able to openly communicate about it like adults instead of like awkward teenagers. What is your opinion what promiscuous people's (men and women) sexual expectations are? Maybe we mean two different things. I don't see promiscuity as healthy or mature lol "I don't want to be an other girl he's been with. I guess I want to be more special than that probably because I have a very high self-esteem... I don't know." - Why do you think you'd feel less special and why do you think it would lower your self-esteem? If anything, if a guy who's been promiscuous in the past decides to be in a committed relationship with you, you should feel even more special! Being number 93 or number 165 or even 1765... Yeah... Nothing exciting about it except if you want to just be an other slut he's been with.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Mostly, it's based on statistics and my own experience. Since you've been promiscuous, I can understand why you don't like those assumptions. There're still pretty true most of the time. I guess there's a certain mindset to have to be promiscuous and it's not mine. I don't think it's bad to say I don't want someone like that in my life. I don't want someone who thinks sex is recreational. To me, promiscuity isn't about having one or two ONS, it's more. I mean how can someone be with 50 women and be picky all the time? There's also a moment when you don't even remember them, their face,... I don't want to be one of these women...
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  "during summer holidays" - But you would date someone who drives a car on a daily basis? And if you had to, would you drive a car on a daily basis? "But there are less exes..." - But there's MUCH bigger emotional investment in longterm relationships. When relationship ends after 5 years or so, the emotional baggage is HUGE. Trust me, I speak from experience, haha. People who only had shortterm flings and such don't even know what this kind of emotional investment feels like. "I don't see promiscuity as healthy or mature lol" - You completely misunderstood what I said. I explicitly said "within a serious relationship". I was talking about what their sexual expectations are when they enter a serious relationship. Read what I said again with that in mind. "Being number 93 or number 165 or even 1765... Yeah... Nothing exciting about it except if you want to just be an other slut he's been with." - Again, you completely misunderstood what I said. What I said was that you wouldn't be just another number, you'd be the ONE who makes him stop being promiscuous and be ONLY with you. ALl the other women he's been with didn't do that to him, only you. That was my thought I was trying to express. Also, now you're slut-shaming women. Shame on you for that, really.
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  "Since you've been promiscuous, I can understand why you don't like those assumptions." - This is by far not just about me, I know and have known plenty of of people who also don't fit your stereotypical views. "There're still pretty true most of the time." - There's such and such. Yet, you say you wouldn't even bother getting to know his individual story. You just wouldn't care. You treat him as if you already knew everything. Stereotyping him, judging him before getting to know him. "I guess there's a certain mindset to have to be promiscuous and it's not mine." - That's quite obviously true. "I don't think it's bad to say I don't want someone like that in my life." - You're enitled to that and I fully accept it, although I don't fully understand it and am not sure if it really stems from reasonable thought. But that's what I'm trying to figure out by asking questions. "I don't want someone who thinks sex is recreational." - I don't know what exactly you mean by "recreational" but unless you only want to have sex to procreate, the whole purpose of sex is to enjoy it. How to enjoy it, now that's up to the individual. Which is something you seem to be struggling to accept. "To me, promiscuity isn't about having one or two ONS, it's more." - Yeah, the term "promiscuity" is actually rather intense. I actually wasn't sure if you really meant it, because at first you named this quite low number of 10. "I mean how can someone be with 50 women and be picky all the time?" - You keep naming numbers without ever telling in what time span. 50 in a year? Yeah, that's a lot. 50 in 10 years? That's not a lot.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I guess you have the right to believe that way. I don't. I'll be the one who changes it? Yes, till he reverses to his old self. Why would someone who's been with several women so casually suddenly want to settle down? Laziness? Performance issues? To do like his pals? To please his mom?
- Asker
  +1 y
  So... You mean that a guy who's been with 5 women each years within 10 years will be fine having sex with the same woman for the rest of his life? Believe what you want to believe... I don't.
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  "Why would someone who's been with several women so casually suddenly want to settle down?" - I never said anything about "suddenly". His promiscuous past could be over for a longer while. But even if not, crazier things have happened. And that too I say from experience. Point is, you have a lot of prejudice and try to rationalize it. I mean, stereotyping would kinda make sense when you have a very high influx of guys you need to profile. Then a more statistical approach would be necessary. Now please take no personal offense in me saying this, but I doubt there's 20 guys per week knocking at your door asking you out. Unless you're some IG model or something, who knows. But I strongly assume (especially judging by your views and attitutes you've shared with me here) that you usually meet one individual guy at a time who might be a potential partner for you. So, here's what I don't get - why don't you judge them individually and listen to their background stories and how they have emotionally developed, etc? Because you don't know any of that. Yet you pre-judge them and rebuff them without even knowing if maybe things aren't as you think they are. That just seems weird, lazy, and unreasonable to me.
- MountAverage
  +1 y
  "So... You mean that a guy who's been with 5 women each years within 10 years will be fine having sex with the same woman for the rest of his life?" - Umm, yes. In fact, when I think about it, this was the case for nearly every single one of my friends and aquaintences who are now in longterm relationships. Actually, that's the most common story I've been witnessing - people hookup somewhat frequently when they're young, then they get tired of it and meet someone they want to be with longterm. And like I said before, what's much more common, is people who've only ever been with one and the same person, eventually realizing they want to experience more. I've seen sooooo many people end their longterm relationships that started when they were teens or early 20s, eventually because of just that. You got all these things backwards, trust me. Haha "Believe what you want to believe... I don't." - I don't believe what I "want", I believe what I've witnessed in the past 20 years. You are the one who clearly believes what she "wants". You have an agenda. You have a dogmatic belief. You are projecting your personal emotions onto everyone else and judge them and shame them when they are different than you. You stereotype, you generalize, you don't care about people's histories and emotions. You don't see individuals, you only see labels. Labels that you have created to protect your insecurities. If you weren't so judgmental towards others, I'd actually pity you. I'm ending this conversation now. You are not interested in opening your mind. Goodbye.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I think knowing what you want and what you don't want is anything but weird, lazy and unreasonable. As far as I'm concerned, this is being promiscuous that is weird, unreasonable and immature. Maybe you're right, I shouldn't think they're all the same and try to dig deeper. Honestly, this isn't my problem. They can change if that's what they want but I won't be this woman. I won't be with someone who thinks sex is like buying a bottle of milk. It would induce some cognitive dissonance inside me... Keep saying I'm not open-minded or that I have way too many prejudices, you have yours. This is the best choice for me.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I guess I want someone who's not like any other guy (like your friends). No problem. Bye 😉!
- Asker
  +1 y
  To conclude : "And like I said before, what's much more common, is people who've only ever been with one and the same person, eventually realizing they want to experience more. I've seen sooooo many people end their longterm relationships that started when they were teens or early 20s, eventually because of just that. You got all these things backwards, trust me. Haha" Well, it's none of my concern since I won't be with them at this point 😉
AlwaysBelieving Guru
+1 y
Not weird. If she's a virgin, there's a reason for it. That's between the two involved to talk about.
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Shamalien Guru
+1 y
No ofc not who would say otherwise? It’s only natural to want someone pure
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bamesjond0069 Guru
+1 y
Its understandable but honestly its not the norm. Women tend to prefer experienced men to make them feel safe and show them what to do. Thats my experience anyways.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Cause STDs are safe? And who wants a guy who's been with many women you're just a number on his sexual prize list? This type of guys is more likely to cheat and to want diversity anyway so... No thanks. Not for me 😉.
jmstarling Xper 6
+1 y
Not at all. A woman who is not into sex without love probably won't be on the same page with a guy who is. I'm not interested in sex without love, and have not been lucky in love, and at my age, too many women find my virginity off-putting, yet I ha e zero interest in having sex with a random woman just to do it. I have a friend who is a single mom of four who offered to "break me in," but I told her that given our feelings for one another, I would never be comfortable having sex with her just one time. She is black and made very clear that she does not want to have sex with a white man, but wanted to make the exception for me, just not on an ongoing basis. We've had only chaste snuggles. I'm only mildly attracted to her, and she has a number of tattoos, which I find a turn off (yes, she knows this), and given that she's never been married and is a practicing Catholic who wants more kids are also red flags to keep our relationship as is.
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Tstrbrainer Guru
+1 y
It's quite normal
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ryukGRANT Xper 2
+1 y
Not at all we all gotta learn
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Anonymous
+1 y
No, that's completely normal actually
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Anonymous
+1 y
Of course not. What's sauce for the gander is also sauce for the goose. (Same standards.)
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- Asker
  +1 y
  This is my view. Some seem to believe the double standard...
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I was a virgin too. The woman I fell for wasn't. But I wouldn't have had a problem if she was.
- Asker
  +1 y
  What if she had a promiscuous past?
Anonymous
+1 y
I think most if not all want this? Do you think it's weird?
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Anonymous
+1 y
Seems like a legitimate desire to me.
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Anonymous
+1 y
No, what is the point of being a virgin if you don't date other virgins?
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