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Can a boy be sexually abused by a girl younger than him? Am I a monster?

Anonymous
Seeing how the internet is in a storm about Netflix's Cuties and bringing up pedophilia, this urged me to share my story.
When I was 12 and was going through puberty I lived next to a 7-year-old girl who would always come over and play with my nephew who was also 7. But this little girl was fucked up and I don't know where she learned this from. She would take her clothes off in front of me, show me her privates, show me her butt, talk really sexual to me, put her butt in my face, try to sit on my lap etc.
These were my first ever encounters with anything sexual and I was having new feelings and started having disturbing fantasies.
These fantasies stuck with me years later and I became a pedo and I hate myself because of it. I couldn't control these fantasies, and I felt guilty for having them.
I've never harmed a child in my life, I'm 22 and I'm a virgin, living with mom, I refuse to move out or get a job and I lock myself in my room, even when the nephews and nieces come over and beg me to play I lock myself up because I'm afraid of what I might do. No need to lock me up, I did it myself.
I'm afraid and embarrassed to talk about this. Nobody believes a boy can be molested by a girl and nobody believes you can be molested by someone younger. How do I tell people that my entire sexuality was fucked up by a little girl? I feel like the entire world would just shun me or lock me in a cage.
Now I'm seeing the MAP community trying to make child sexualization normalized and it sickens me. I'm against everything they stand for. I honestly think the age of consent should be 18 and I get uncomfortable by even high schoolers having sex.
I can't help but think of other men out there who are also struggling with their sexuality the same way and they're afraid and embarrassed to get help because of the way the world portrays pedophilia. It's a mental illness and not all of us are proud of it.
Can a boy be sexually abused by a girl younger than him? Am I a monster?
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