Is It me or is it his health?

[Anonymous]

So my husband and I have been together for 7 years now and he hasn't ever really been a big fan of sex it's more of a chore for him than enjoyable I guess , since we have been together he has put on a lot of weight especially in the past few months he's currently at 120kg , I also have put on some weight I'm currently 86kg
But the sex is going from once a week to maybe once a month if I'm lucky and when we do try to have sex he goes limp and I feel as though it's me maybe he's lost attraction to me or maybe it's his health 🤷‍♀️ he's a drinker and drinks every night where I don't drink at all so maybe I don't know the side effects of it , I'm sick of feeling like I'm disgusting and hoping to get some advice on what I can do I have been working out again to try get back in shape but he isn't willing to as he doesn't feel there's a problem..

[zeitgeist057]

I would propose the idea of having sex with someone else. It sounds like your husband is not into it.

I don't recommend cheating, because that is not honest or respectful of your partner. I suggest changing the rules. If your husband doesn't drive the car except for once a month, it seems a waste for it to sit in the garage gathering dust the other 353 days a year. Perhaps he would be open to you enjoying your sexuality with someone else?

I know this is not a mainstream idea, but it has worked for many people who have different sexual drives.

I think also it is possible you are growing in different directions. Perhaps you can remain together, or perhaps you may grow apart to the point where a divorce makes sense. It sounds like you want to take some more discipline and get healthy and loose weight. Also, it sounds like you wish to enjoy sexual pleasure regularly. These are two large issues, but if you wish to stay together, you could communicate about it and still have different paths but share your main path of being together emotionally and intellectually if the physical and sexual path is not one you are sharing.

[AustinMan]

Has he had a physical lately? Hopefully his doctor will get on his ass about the health risks.

[SueShe]

The negative side effects of drinking includes issues with libido. That is a known fact.

However, there are a lot of possible causes which you need to find out and the best for that is to communicate with your husband.

What you can do though, is to prepare a list of issues that bother you and the solution you see to the problems. Ask your husband to prepare a similar list, independent from yours and where he writes down the solutions that are acceptable to you. Sit down and go over both lists and try to find a consensus that both can live with. Make sure none of you are angry or feel pressured as it would defeat the purpose.

But the fact that he is overweight and drinks surely impacts on his libido. The other thing is to go to counseling or to therapy. The more open you are with the issue you have, the better the end result. Good luck.

[btbc92]

He's either depressed or he's starting to really grow tired of the marriage. If he's out drinking like that, or getting something to drink, that means the person is under pressure. My guess is that he is not happy in his marriage and he more likely doesn't want to stay in it anymore. I don't think it has anything to do with attraction to you or anything else like that. Because again, the person should love you. Nothing to do with physical attraction. But if your age brackets are correct, then 9 out of 10 times it's because he more likely feels like he's missing out things in his life. When you both may need to get professional marriage counseling.

[roody]

How old is he?

[In_Trance]

His health