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I've discovered I'm a sexual sadist. What should I do now?

Anonymous
I've always had dominant tendencies. My boyfriend knew what I was into and he liked it.
I've recently had to admit to myself I was a sexual sadist.
I enjoy going to BDSM parties with my boyfriend. I like to talk and all. At the last party, I've watched a man being whipped hard by a woman and I've been extremely turned on. I don't think I've ever get that wet within such a short time.
After this event, I've started to acknowledge the truth and what I wasn't seeing in me. Without noticing it, I've started to get rougher with my boyfriend. He says it's amazing how wild and turned on I am. Though, I kinda suspect he's not 100% into it. Sometimes, he really seems very much in pain and I feel bad afterwards. I get so much into it in the moment... Recently, I've been noticing my boyfriend starting to get scared by me. I'm talking to him and want to get closer and he'll pull away with some fear in the eye. He apologizes and let me touch him and kiss/hug him but I've noticed this change. I've started to watch more violent porn: women getting gangbanged, women involved in rape-play,... I don't imagine I'm the woman, I just like to watch her getting manhandled. Also, I watch horror movies with torture scenes. Once, my boyfriend surprised me watching Saw (the scene when the black guy get all of him twisted). He looked at me and asked: "are you into this?". I couldn't answer and he said: "Oh my...". Is it getting to far? I think I may lose my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him. We've been together for 2 years now and it's been perfect so far. What should I do?
I've discovered I'm a sexual sadist. What should I do now?
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