I want a relationship with him but he just wants sex?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I was dating this guy and I asked him what he wanted and he said he didn’t want anything serious at the moment. He’s only 18 so I was not really shocked. We were dating for like a month and a half and my fault I only just asked him what he wanted since I was so scared too.

He said me and him are just something fun not serious, I said to him like what do you wanna do now, that’s fine by me let’s just have fun then and he said yeah let’s just do that. I didn’t mean fun as in just being a sex toy I meant fun as I’m still seeing one another and going on dates and sex at the same time seeing where things go.

How can I clear this up? I don’t want him to just see me as sex? We haven’t spoken for a few days I’m just trying to give him space to figure this all out on if this is even what I want because it’s risky that I might catch feelings. But how can I clear this up? I still wanna spend time with him. We have already had sex and it was really good but I wanna see if it can go further. I’ve heard it before about I shouldn’t have slept with him so quickly but honestly I know so many people who have done this and it may not have worked out at first but they actually ended up together.

[Nawlins34]

1.) Okay so I was dating this guy and I asked him what he wanted and he said he didn’t want anything serious at the moment. - This was the first warning you ignored. He wants sex, not a relationship with you.

2.) He said me and him are just something fun not serious, - This was the second warning you ignored. He wants sex, not a relationship with you.

3.) I said to him like what do you wanna do now, that’s fine by me let’s just have fun then and he said yeah let’s just do that. - Without getting clarification from him, this is where you would've fucked up had he been open to a relationship. This is his third warning.

4.) I didn’t mean fun as in just being a sex toy I meant fun as I’m still seeing one another and going on dates and sex at the same time seeing where things go. - There's no "thing" to see where it "goes". You're being unrealistic right now. This guy said twice, he's about sex and nothing more.

5.) How can I clear this up? Oh you can just tell him if by "clear up" you mean make yourself clear. But you already have and you're not listening. The issue here is you're not listening to him.

6.) I don’t want him to just see me as sex? Too late, we don't always get what we want.

7.) We haven’t spoken for a few days I’m just trying to give him space to figure this all out - No, he's pretty damn consistent with what he's saying (based on what you're telling us) This is more like you're giving yourself space to accept reality.

8.) and if this is even what I want because it’s risky that I might catch feelings - It sounds like you've been there.

9.) But how can I clear this up? I still wanna spend time with him. And you can, but anytime outside of sex won't count with him.

10.) We have already had sex and it was really good but I wanna see if it can go further. Okay, you're being unrealistic now, this man straight up told you three times what he wants.

11.) I know so many people who have done this and it may not have worked out at first but they actually ended up together. - That worked for those people. We also don't know the specific variables that contributed to it working out for said people. You two are unique.

Look, this guy could've sold you a dream and manipulated you just to have sex and broke your heart further down the road. He chose to be straight up with you. Whether you like it or not, he set boundaries up front so you knew what you were getting into.

He warned you three times, "This is sex and nothing more."

You have every right to want a relationship, but it's not happening with this guy.And if it does? Run, because he will cheat on you. Now, I'M warning you, but you probably won't listen.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you for this answer it really did open my eyes.

[Berethor]

You are over 25 and you still don't know what I guy means when he said that he just want to have fun? not to mention that he also told you that he is didn’t want anything serious, and in case you didn't notice you agreed to his terms. You didn’t mean fun as in just being a sex toy? well too bad, because if he didn’t want anything serious and yet you put out for him then you are his sex toy. Agreeing to casual relationship and then trying to turn it into serious relationship usually don't work, what makes you think that you would get lucky? did you watched too much hollywood movies? :)

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MillionToOneChance

[DrippingHoney]

Ask him if he sees you ever being more than fuckbuddies. If he says no, you have a decision to make.

[Warmapplecrumble]

You just tell him I want long term relationship or bye bye, simple as that.

[AustinMan]

You have some choices. You can just go with the flow and see what happens. You can break up with him. You can try to dictate terms. I feel your best course of action is to go with the flow and work hard to contain any feelings for awhile. Let him get into you.

[Browneye57]

"... I’m just trying to give him space to figure this all out..."
I had to laugh at this. Honey, he's already figured it out - he just wants sex with no commitment. It's up to you whether this is acceptable or not.

The problem is neither one of you are really ready to settle down, so dating at this young age is just for fun and entertainment, and practice. You'll both change a LOT in the next few years.

Girls are the keepers of sex.
Guys are the keepers of commitment.
Don't be giving up yours till you have at least a little of his.

And no 18yo guy is ready to commit to one women. He would have to be completely nuts. Hell, a guy's brain doesn't even fully form 'till about 25 - so no life-changing decisions are to be made 'till then.

[Wise4myage]

He's made it very clear that he just wants casual sex, and yes, you should have waited longer to sleep with him. Continue seeing him if you want too, but don't expect him to change his mind.

[Douglas76]

Sounds like he already let you know how he feels. You might wanna let him know exactly what you want with him so he don't wander off. He's young so be careful. Young boys only wanna play and have fun and usually aren't serious until later on in life

[iFarted]

Your title already says what you should do... He just wants sex... so either just have strictly sex or move on.

[In_Trance]

Find a different guy