My boyfriend wants more sex, but I think I'm just not as physically attracted to him as he wants. How do I express this?

[Anonymous]

When I met my boyfriend, I had been dating meat head after meat head, going for the tall, dark, handsome guy always. These relationships tended to be sex-based, with me wanting to tear into these guys all the time and vice versa.

Well, shockingly, this did not result in long lasting, happy relationships. Once I realized this, I trained myself to focus on the stuff that MATTERS, and that's when I met my boyfriend. I thought things were going really well! I think about him constantly and feel like we have a strong connection even though he's shorter, chubbier, balder, and just generally way more "average Joe" than my preceeding parade of Ken dolls.

Well, tonight we told me he wants more sex. He said in kind of a jokey way that he wants me to think about having sex with him all the time, so I guess he must have picked up on the fact that I don't? We have sex probably about 80% of the times we see each other, which is about twice a week, and when we do, even though I don't undress him with my eyes first, the sex is good! I thought we were fine!

I don't know how to tell him that I'm just much more attracted to his personality than his body without hurting his feelings. I'm falling for him, but I can't force myself to lust for the short, chubby guy when I (not to mention thousands of years of reproductive instinct) tend to favor a more fit guy when it comes to the physical.

I'm really sad. I don't want to lose him over sex. What do I do? What do I say?

[Barbaric]

There's not much you can say here. Normally I'd say that you should break up with him because this lack of attraction and sex can often cause problems further down the line. Unless you're very sure that this won't happen, you should break up.

Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together. It's naive to think otherwise. When it's lacking, that's often when the connection begins to fade away. An active sex life is essential.

If you're sure that it won't affect you guys long term, and you do really love him, that's fair enough. You say that while you don't lust after him as strongly as the fitter guys that the sex is good, so maybe you'll be fine.

If you ever say or allude to this in any way, your relationship is doomed. Seriously, do not listen to anybody who tells you otherwise.

Here's a quote "everything is about sex except sex, sex is about power". For a man, replace power with your love for him. In a long-term relationship, by nature he measures your love for him on how much you want to and enjoy having sex with him.

If you tell him that you preferred sex with those other guys over him, he'll feel like you had stronger feelings for them than him. Whether that's true or not, that's the way men think, regardless of what any woman says. He'll feel like he's second best to them in your eyes, no matter what you say. Even if you try to reassure him that he's not by telling him that the emotional connection with him is stronger or something like that.

You'll have to figure out something else. Either you have to tell him that you don't have that high of a sex drive, or you compromise and give him more sex. The reason I'd say break up too here though is that the former is a lie, and if he actually believes that your respect for him will decrease whether you realise that or not, along with your attraction to him.

The better option would be to compromise and have a bit more sex with him - you said it's good when you have sex after all. If the idea repulses you, then again, that's bad news long-term.

[PurSeduction]

I don't get it...


You claim:" Sex is good!" But:"You don't feel physically attracted to him."


Right?


So your saying (correct me if I am wrong);


Physical attraction good sex would be your dream come true?


But your kinda stuck with good sex but your missing physical attraction?


If he acctually wants you to be more attracted to him physically, his desire /level is not fulfilled because for him it is very important that his partner is equally attracted to him as he his vice versa...


He should fucking work out, for example...


Or even better like abc3643 said: Make it fun, connecting... as in do it together.


Most important, talk to him. Tell him you know that he wants you to be more attracted to him but REASON!

[abc3643]

Go to a gym ___together___.
Make it like a date, but your ulterior motive is move him more towards the stud muffin section.

[abc3643]

By doing it together, you can say that it's for the two of you to get healthier. This was, you are not coming across as "Dude, your not buff." Another alternative is alcohol. Alcohol: Helping create ugly people in the gene pool for thousands of generations.

[Asker]

Hahaha. Going to the gym is exactly what I'd be doing if it wasn't for covid. I haven't even been going myself, which is a whoooole other problem.

[abc3643]

Risk it. They are being sanitary and you can be careful.

[Ccheeto99]

Go on hikes or mountain biking together outside

[mich15smith]

There isn't a good way to tell him that. Nobody wants to feel unattractive, especially to their SO. I don't know if there even is a way to convey that you aren't physically attracted to him without his self esteem taking a hit.

[In_Trance]

move on

[Anonymous]

Just be honest and tell him you had to settle for him because the men you're actually attracted to won't settle down with you and just use you for sex

He should understand