Guys, I tell guys I dont like all the bs that comes with relationships? What do you think?

[Anonymous]

I'm not a hoe, I just dont like the heartache and sadness. One heartbreak fucked me up so bad I fear another relationship or commitment, because I don't want to lose myself again. I mean i lost myself and gave up on everything. For the most part guys are cool with it but some still try to talk me into being in a relationship with them. Im not budging I ignore my sexual needs. What's your guys opinion?

[Searlas]

You are on the wrong path. It's understandable you are still hurting, you shouldn't take life to be linear that if something happens, you stop living. Learn to be flexible, be dynamic in the way you think, be someone who can accept change without fighting the reality, and that is the only time you can truly heal.

A breakup is an end of something, not an end of someone. When your heart has been broken, it can take a while to find way back to whole but you will get there. Healing from a broken heart is as much a physical process as it is an emotional one.

Believe that you have more than one soul mate. You got in a relationship because you believed its a good thing otherwise you could have chosen to be a nun. Don't fight it, plan to be smarter than before, learn to compromise, learn to leave your comfort zone, this is life, don't be too tight or hard on yourself. Whatever you are doing will only leave you bitter, unsatisfied in life and lonely. DM me if you want to chat.

[Asker]

thank you, unfortunately I know you are right. I try to shut off my emotions so I don't get hurt. It seems like friends and boyfriends just walk up and leave, they both break my heart. I have feelings, every single time I get attached I lose more of my heart. My best friend got addicted to drugs and I cry so much because I miss him. Im a mess and I know that. Im just tired of hurting. I've tried to be in other relationships, i just can't catch the feelings. I fear of getting close to people because I just lose them and lose myself. So for the past 4 years I stay away from friendships and relationships. I know I shouldn't. Im just trying to protect myself even though I know it's not good for me. I feel if I stay away from everyone I can't get hurt.

[Searlas]

I understand you, sorry about your friend. When you say "friendships", I hope you don't mean women included. You need real female friends who understands you and are there for you when you are down, you need a support system, if you have family, be close to them, focus on yourself, join a gym, learn how to bake, engage in community affairs, focus on advancing your career, education etc. Don't focus on getting to any relationship for now, with time, you can start accommodating male friends, you can even take it a step further by stating upfront what you want, and make sure you don't shift goal posts (e. g. sending mixed signals - when you say you don't want to be in a relationship don't act as if you are interested in one, sometimes men get bored and leave when they get mixed signals) till you are ready.

[Asker]

Unfortunately I dont have female friends either. Im basically all alone. I try to be upfront with everyone just doesn't always work out for me

[Searlas]

What about female workmates?

[Asker]

I'm in college. I graduate in a couple weeks

[Searlas]

Sorry, I assumed you are working, what about college, you don't have friends for real?

[Asker]

Nope, I go online. I literally have 0 friends

[Searlas]

According to you, do you have an idea why you don't have any friends?

[Asker]

Probably because I push everyone away. I dont hang out or go anywhere. Im Probably too boring.

[Searlas]

It's good you are open and understands there might be some underlying causes which might have played a role in your previous failed relationships whether platonic or romantic. (Not that I am apportioning all blame on you, sometimes there problems that we aren't aware of their existence) Now, Are you open to self-identification of specific problem? Here are some more reasons why people struggle to have close friends. 1) Temperament. 2) Insecurity. 3) Being introverted 4) Personality. Too needy, pushy, talkative, controlling, fiercely independent etc. 5) Communication style. Do you respond to your friend's contact as well as initiate contact? 6) Unrealistic expectations. Do you expect all friendships to be perfect or last forever? If you can identity yourself with any of the above, its advisable to seek help. Are you open to seek professional help? You need assistance figuring stuff out, you need to find happiness in life Talking to an objective third party, a therapist, is a good way to gain insight into things you can't figure out about yourself. What do you feel about this?

[Asker]

I have big insecurities I am an introvert. I dont think they should all last forever. If i feel like im bothering then then I usually wait till they reach out to me. I appreciate all of this i do, but seeking help isn't something I can do since I'm studying psychology. You should think about studying it yourself, you'd be really good. Ill just stay the meaningless lonely loser. I appreciate everything though 🙏 thank you

[Searlas]

Welcome 🙏 never thought of studying psychology 😀, i am a software engineer. I am more into technology. Before you go, nothing can be changed until it is faced head on , also remember, a doctor also needs another doctor to treat him/her when unwell sometimes. Take care.

[Nawlins34]

So no commitment , no sex. So all you want in companionship?

Then just be friends and nothing more.

Set your boundaries upfront and tell them, "listen, I'm not interested in you romantically or sexually." and hold your ground. I see your age bracket, so you're going to see some idiots think they can change your mind, send them off packing.

Tell them you don't appreciate the attempts as well.

You have to understand that when you explain your situation to guys, they inherently want to fix them.

You're still wounded and you need to heal. I can respect that you acknowledge that to yourself. Just let them know you're not having it.

If they really respect you, they will understand. Also understand, you're making it difficult for people to care about you in general.

I hope this helps, good luck and be safe.

[Asker]

Pretty much. Sex would be great but I just can't do sex with no connection. I honestly just want someone to message me and talk on the phone from time to time. I prefer we don't even hang out. Thank you 😌. I know I make it hard for people to care at all about me. I don't blame them either.

[Nawlins34]

I think what you want Is reasonable, you just need someone to take it literally and follow-through without trying anything more. You'll pull through, lady Just heal for now.

[Asker]

Thank you so much 🥺🧡

[AustinMan]

Relationships are messy, no doubt. With the right person, they're worth it. One just has to be careful of our choices.

[Asker]

I just seem to make the wrong one and I get hurt. I had a big crush on a friend and we were supposed to hang out 2 weeks ago, we knew sexual tension could get the better of us. Well, I couldn't make it and yesterday he told me how broken he was because his ex screwed him over again but he still loves her...

[MysteriousT]

I feel you. I'm sorry that you came across with that guy who fucked up your life. I also understand why you don't want a relationship at this point cause you just lost your hope on finding someone who truly cares about you as a person. I just want you to know one thing, please don't ever give up on your search towards finding that "true" guy for you. Yes, it is very hard to do so but I believe there are such guys out there. It's just that they're the minority. I hope you will feel better soon.

[Asker]

its been a long time almost 8 years. Im glad someone understands my pain and my reasons. Thank you 🥺😥🧡

[MysteriousT]

Any time. Oh wow. That's a long time... How old are you then? This means it happened before you turned to 16.

[Asker]

Im 24, I was 16 when my heartbroke. We dated from 13-16.

[MysteriousT]

What was so special about him? Like, most people after their early 20's think that what they felt emotionally before they turned to 18 was nothing serious.

[Asker]

I honestly couldn't tell you. I fell in love with every single part of him. We talked of marriage and kids. Our parents hated each other. We fought every single day and went through hell just to be together. Then we took the pain and frustration we had from our parents out on each other. Eventually he just got sick of fighting and gave up. I dont blame him. I hated how he would take things out on me and kinda bully me in a way. I cried myself to sleep for months, I left school, I miscarried and never said a word. I see him every couple years, he always says he will come back, how he fucked up, his hugs still make me feel at peace. I dont believe the words he says. I dont even think I love him anymore, but I can't let myself love like that again.. practically destroyed me. Im finally picking up my life and trying to love myself and go through college. I dont want to go back to crying myself to sleep and giving up everything.. it scares me of the person I may become if I get heartbroken again

[MysteriousT]

I see. It's sad that he hurt you so much. But you are right in that I think you shouldn't believe his words. He's just making stuff up. Try to move on with your life as best as you can and as I said previously, don't forget that not every guy is the same. Hope you will run into someone who loves you as much as you love him.

[Asker]

thank you ❤

[MysteriousT]

You're very welcome 😊

[Berethor]

You might find a texting buddy, but most guys would see it as a waste of their time.

[Asker]

It seems like that way. I dont blame them honestly

[Nephilim000]

Your feelings are understandable. Even healthy. We all need time to heal. When the time is right something will happen

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[Nephilim000]

No worries

[DavidFox]

Do you even want a relationship?

[DavidFox]

What do you get out of a texting buddy? Why not just hang out with friends?

[Asker]

not at all. I just basically ignore my needs and desires. I just want someone to talk to, I dont even want to hang out.

[DavidFox]

Well good luck, that’s a one sided relationship and most guys will want something more

[Asker]

Yeah unfortunately I've noticed. A lot of guys want to hang out and even be friends with benefits. Some try to talk me into a relationship.

[DavidFox]

I’m not talking about sex or relationships. Guys are not into just talking to someone if there isn’t an exciting associated with it. That’s drama and emotional and we see it as a drain if all we are doing is validating someone’s feelings or being a listening post. Building a relationship is so much more inviting.

[DavidFox]

I meant an action, not an ‘exciting’ . Basically it’s a waste of time just being a text buddy and never actually seeing someone

[Asker]

yeah I understand. It would be nice but I definitely dont expect it or see it happening. I just dont want to be close to anyone

[DavidFox]

Why don’t you wanna be close? Sounds lonely to me, to always be single

[Asker]

it is. Well friends and relationships hurt. I mean i still cry because my best friend got hooked up on drugs and he's not the same.. i miss him a lot. I figured if I dont get close, their departure in life won't hurt as bad. I've had friends after and relationships. I can't seem to catch feelings and it seems like they either have a girlfriend i dont know about or talking to another girl anyway. All the friends I had backstab me in one way or another

[DavidFox]

Frankly if all your friends backstab you and guys hurt you then likely there is a reason for that pattern. Wanting a texting buddy will not help either. As I said, good luck. Life isn’t always painful

[Asker]

thats what i keep thinking.. there has to be a problem with me. I just can't seem to put my finger on it. I go to school, im clean, I've gave friends money, place to stay, food, rides in the middle of the night. I have a dorky personality and try to make people laugh. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong 🤷‍♀️

[Browneye57]

You need a shrink. Yes, professional counseling. They can help sort through your feelings, what's real and what's not. You're what we call 'damaged goods'. You can't forget a meaningful relationship with a quality guy 'till YOU get fixed. I guarantee it.

[wondering_guy]

I'm not sure what you mean by the bullshot that comes with relationships, I'm guessing it's sex or you been played or something.

What I will say is that relationships can be messy, there will be fights, there will be a conflict of interest.

I'm guessing you want a relationship without sex or a texting buddy as you call it. Not a lot of guys will go for that, not just the sex but some like the close bond as much as women.

It's true its not fare that you've been played but others have too and you've had your heart broken but doesn't mean you should close it off.

If you want a texting buddy type of guy then try to find one if it will help you

[Asker]

I've definitely been played a lot. You pretty much got what I was trying to say. Thank you :)

[wondering_guy]

I'm glad I got it and if yiou need to chat then feel free to message me, don't know if I can help but I will try

[Wise4myage]

Hey, you're just being honest and like it or not, guys should respect that. But don't ignore your sexual needs forever, lol.

[Asker]

Thank you ❤ honestly masturbating just doesn't get it anymore lol 😔🙈

[Wise4myage]

lol. Your welcome. That might be a sign that your ready to return to the dating scene?

[Asker]

I dont think so. I've tried to move on, but its like I can't be in love with someone, feelings are never there. I've had crushes though. The one I was thinking about a relationship with basically just revealed he had a girlfriend while he was trying to sleep with me, so im pretty upset and disappointed.

[Wise4myage]

Oh man, that sucks and that's the last thing you needed. But go with how you feel in your heart and I wish you the best.

[Asker]

thank you ❤

[Wise4myage]

You're very welcome. :)

[COMMODOREII]

Your choice really.

[Twalli]

It's not necessarily a good idea to avoid as ll the possible good relationships to not have a bad one.