Can you have conversations with your significant other about your past experiences without getting mad or jealous?

Question

Kaneki05 · Accepted Answer

Of course. Are past makes us who we are and shows reflections of how we act and why the past experiences went wrong. It's only weird if they start acting and showing that there still hung up on them. But that's a whole other thing than just talking about the past.
Plus i would say, If a person ain't willing to be open about there past how can they be open with the present. A person who lies about there past or don't say anything about it causes mistrust. Whether that mistrust will impact you right now or later it most likely will even if it's just subconsciously. But then again it's not you have to disclose all your past right away but through time you and your partner should talk about stuff from it until you both know each other fully and trust super well.
There is a reason why a person who has experienced abuse opens it about it with people they trust because it helps a lot with another person understanding you more. A relationship would be much worse off if that person never opened up about it all it causes a sorta barrier of been shut off from them which is exactly what you don't want when you have bonded with someone. I would say that's the same with anything you should be open about things. And the other person should be able to listen.
If one cannot be Open and the other cannot listen well to be blunt that's fucking pointless ass relationship.

Sonorous · Accepted Answer

I'd definitely feel a bit of envy. But I wouldn't let it consume me. Because I'd remind myself that their life doesn't revolve around me & people don't owe me anything. I'm only feeling that way because I have a fantasy of "what should happen" in my mind.

And though the fantasy may be practical, it might not work out as planned. And that's okay. To be happy, I've just gotta adjust myself to the situations around me rather than try and control them, fail, and end up destroying myself.

It also helps if I remind myself of what we are. And that the things in life may seem very important to us, but when we take a step back and look at ourselves from a broader perspective, we can see that we are so tiny and (seemingly) non-vital to the universe that we might as well not be in existence.

420Rachel · Accepted Answer

Yes my boyfriend and I have both been very open with each other about our pasts, discussing our previous bad relationships and how we're grateful that we now have each other. I really don't get this taboo about talking about your past with your partner. I think it helps for you to understand each other and what you want out of a current relationship which is hopefully to spend the rest of your life with each other. Otherwise what's the point in dating if you're not out to find your life partner? ❤️

Account · Accepted Answer

To be honest, I wouldn't care to know about the past experiences. Their past experiences are not a part of my life and they do not concern me. What they did is none of my business.

If they initiated a conversation about their past experiences I'd calmly tell them that I do not care to know.

AustinMan · Answer

When it comes to sexual history, don't ask, don't tell!

Mohima97 · Answer

I can’t. My guy literally gets so annoyed whenever I mention anything to do with my ex’s

Nawlins34 · Answer

Really don't visit beyond basic information or it's relevant to the present/future.

WhiteSteve · Answer

Sure. I mean, we don’t generally get into sexual details, except when it was something weird😂 But I mean, we’ve been together 13 years, all that stuff is pretty ancient history. If you’re tripping about what anyone was doing like a decade and a half ago, you’re concentrating your energy towards the wrong shit.

KloexJayne · Answer

Of course you can, if you can't accept that your current partner had a life before you then you probably aren't ready for a relationship yet...

Jjpayne · Answer

It's a fine line... It depends on how productive it is... It should be done for the benefit of the SO not to mainly lift yourself up. There should be a benefit to the conversation. If you know they are going to take it poorly then it's not worth talking about

SCRUMPSHUDILLIOCIOUS · Answer

Yes but why would we want to? Is not that past dead and gone? Wtf resurrect problems of yesteryear? Quite foolish to do so or maybe you just haven't moved on.

Hazelstar99 · Answer

Yes, it'll help me to understand their line of thinking.

girlzruleboyzdrool · Answer

Yeah, why not.
This way, you can learn from each other
Get to know one another and open up to each other.
If it was past experiences then it was in the past and now its you two now. And thats what really matters
If you can't open up and share stuff without worry then that might not be someone you want to be with..
As long as its being used as normal genuine conversation and not to be used as a weird mind game

Suzzz334 · Answer

I have been able to but partly because I believe that if he had been happy in the past relationships he would still be with that person.

lovelyrose12 · Answer

No that is turn off for me why would you talk about an ex, I find it hard to date men who talk about their past

jcnum10 · Answer

It depends on da subject. pbly lk 99% I dnt gt jealous. wha bothers me mor is all da thots dat try to gt w him bc he cn ball. mor jus annoying thn jealous

Phoenix98 · Answer

Short answer yeah.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Yes but only if you 2 are that close n open minded

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Past is past. A non-issue.

mich15smith · Answer

nahhh i don't want my future imaginary partner to tell me how much bigger and better the other guys were

Old_Golden · Answer

I have yet to have a partner who could handle talking or even hearing about my past experiences which I don't understand. It's pretty much guaranteed that your partner will have been with someone else, why freak out about it? It's part of who they are and if hearing about it helps you better know them, embrace it. Not saying that you should brag or share every little detail though...