Why do I attract depressed people?

Question

I'm pretty patient and understanding with friends but also a no-nonsense, fairly blunt person. I'm usually pretty happy and try and brighten the atmosphere of where I am.

So please tell me, why do I keep attracting people who are trying to extinguish that positivity with their self pity? Why is it when they need me, I'm always there but when I could use them, they are nowhere to be seen?

I'm sssooo sick and tired of hearing about how life is so bad and whatnot, when we only have a short time to live and enjoy it. We live lives that emperors couldn't even dream of. Take personal responsibility and sort out your emotions people! I was born with autism but you don't see me complaining about that!

Where are the positive people? Where are the people who can brighten *MY* day! Who's going to be *MY* rock?

I can be my own damn rock and light but fucking damn it would be nice to have some support!

And as always, the pussy anonymous option is disabled :]

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

Good question! I'm in the same boat.
Fortunately my current partner is able to manage his depression well enough.

I've found it beneficial to really just put out there to him really clearly what I expect. I also let him know quickly when I don't feel supported. This helps establish those boundaries and wants clearly.

I had to learn that my partner can't read my mind, not to assume they're as good at reading me as I am at reading them, etc.

I used to think everyone could understand others easily, but have learned that's not the case.

CriticalDiscourse · Accepted Answer

People who are struggling or are inherently negative may move towards people like you. Though, they may not be trying to ruin your happiness, but, rather, find someone to challenge their perspective.

CoolGuyJoe · Accepted Answer

I've had this happen to me multiple times. It doesn't stop until you deny what they are doing. Sounds rough but drawing a line in the sand is hardly enough to make you out as a bad person.

I've found that by saying "Yeah that sucks" sets the stage, and if they continue on or come back later, offer a solution or ask why they haven't solved the problem on their own. They tend to be looking for a pity party and by showing them the obvious and easy way out you end up fending them off in some weird backwards way. 🤷‍♂️

monkeynutts · Accepted Answer

I think you have to have a better filter, your the one that is letting this negativity affect you, possibly being more assertive with them. You can always deflect it too, I argue with some people and deliberately disagree with everything they say, not because I'm right, or because I truly believe what I'm saying, but because it shuts them up, because they generally decide not to talk to you anymore, some people don't deserve compassion and empathy all the time. So you don't give it to them.

fall_angel-86 · Answer

I have learned that those who attract people who are depressed tend to be natural healers or empathy and thus are magnets for those who are depressed

iseekpinetrees · Answer

Broken attracts broken. It's a way we connect to others. We find similarities

Apple1996 · Answer

There aren't many positive people out there anymore. That's why your attracting the negative people they're hoping your happiness rubs off on them.

Cherokeehp · Answer

It’s 2020, everyone’s depressed. And also when you have a healing nature then damaged people will seek you out. That’s something one my therapists once told me.