Porn addiction?

[MsMorgan420]

My husband has been addicted to porn for many years now. Its always been a problem and it has never been okay with me. He hides it.. chooses it over me at times.. doesn't come to bed. I've done everything he's asked of me.. as a wife.. mother.. parent... friend.. lover.. but nothing has changed.. he still goes back to his same habits. I know i don't deserve this but leaving is not that simple. Its gotten to the point where I feel completely betrayed everytime I catch him especially if I attempted to get him to fool around before hand. I am NO prude in bed.. im very adventurous and im willing to try what ever in the bedroom if its what turns him on... so thats not the issue. Im at a loss and im tired of feeling unlovable. Why does he continue even if it means losing his family?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No offense but your Husbands porn addiction is to a point that without the porn he would possibly self-harm himself and he could be suffering from Bipolar I have Bipolar and one of my addictions at one time was porn for a very long time to the point I ruined so many computers by saving porn pictures that I found online on the computer that was vagina pictures and some videos of lesbians yes I've had major issues in the past but I can honestly say I've managed put a lot that stuff behind me cause I'm on medications ( Seroquel, Depakote, Klonopin ) and so glad I've taken steps forward now I can look at porn but I don't get addicted and I don't have a girlfriend but would like to have one so I can love a special lady in my life I just hope that your Husband gets the help he needs and when one stays up all hours of night and they even keep porn in special folders this is serious matter and You never know when he could have illegal porn and that can be when his addiction becomes extreme and that can happen. I'm sorry for your misfortune (((Hugs)))

[kinkydrummer]

How long have you been together? And has this been How long have you been together? He has an addiction and he feels he has to hide it from you because you are not OK with it but Is it getting worse and if so how old is he he could be just going through some kind of phase. I mean once upon addict always a pornic unless you decide to give your life to God but I'm uporn addict but I try to find women who are also corn addicts but in your situation it could be a good thing that he is watching porne because if he was and he might be thinking about cheating. But that's not a definite scenario I mean he could just flat out be a porn addict and Has specific John rose that he gets off on Lake may be lesbian porn or multiple women on one guy or even bisexual male porn or something that you would not do with him in bed or it would end your relationship if he asked you to. so his only outlet to get that is to watch porn. But if it is bothering you enough to where you are thinking about leaving him I would suggest getting marriage counseling 1st because porn addiction is an addiction just like smoking cigaretts or something like that and a psychiatrist could probably help him break that habit or at least Help make his Cravings not as frequent

[RemoErdosain]

How does he use sex as a manipulation tool? And of course you can choose to leave for any reason you want when you aren't happy in a relationship, but this sounds like you're drowning in a glass of water to me, honestly. He's just watching porn. What's this feeling betrayed and undesirable all about? He's not betraying you. If porn is all he does, he's being completely loyal to you, and the fact that he likes watching sex on a screen doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive, and anyway, sex isn't everything in a relationship. He sounds like a loving partner to me if this is all you have to say about him, and I think feeling "betrayed" and "unattractive" for lack of sex and him watching porn is a problem you have to work on, not him

[RemoErdosain]

Also, we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it. Another guy might cheat on you, or really not give a crap about you. This guy wanted to have children with you, and is faithful

[MsMorgan420]

So when he's mad he will withhold sex and instead purposely watch porn. He will ignore me or touching me sexual or not. He has slept on the sofa for the past 10 years. He tried to sleep with my best friend. He attempted to get sane best friend to go on fishing trip alone months after incident. He has naked pictures he accumulated from this same best friend phone she let him borrow because his got dropped in water. He went through every text message (we deleted her photos on phone but not text messages) on that phone and created a private photo album on a app on the phone that would only come up if you called a secret number only reason I found it was because I looked at his search history... he was looking for more pictures on internet by using image search.

[MsMorgan420]

Look the list goes on... porn is one of many problems but boo the problem does not ly with me.

[MsMorgan420]

Its not just watching porn when your partner is suffering silently and begging for your attention and how to fix things.

[RemoErdosain]

Well, knowing this other stuff about him with your best friend, I wouldn't defend him anymore, of course. I thought he just watched porn. Yeah, he's an asshole. You shouldn't work on fixing that relationship. When you say that when he's mad he will "withhold sex", I don't think he's withholding anything, though: Who wants to make love when they're mad at the person they'd be making love with? Personally, I didn't feel it with my ex when we were having arguments

[RemoErdosain]

Anyway, yes, you should totally dump him. He's no good if he wanted to fuck your best friend and even continued being shady after that, WTF. I'm really sorry to hear your story, especially considering you're adventurous and willing to try so much stuff with your partner. If you're loyal, then you're what pretty much any man would like in the bedroom. It's terribly sad that you're stuck with one of the few who wouldn't appreciate it

[MsMorgan420]

I appreciate your perspective and understanding. That pretty much what I've been screaming all along. Im willing to do or be whatever he wants in the bedroom and still be the homemaker and mother im expected to be. I've given him countless opportunities to prove himself or change but he's taken me for granted and like a sucker im still here.

[RemoErdosain]

You deserve so much better

[PupinTheTurd]

It's actually quite common for women to stay with assholes. this is the exact same reason why women keep going back to men that abuse them. You have to get out of this relationship not only for your sake but for your kid. If you don't believe in divorce you don't have to get divorced, well at least at the moment. Leave his ass for a good while until he begs for you back. If he never wants you back then you have your answer.

[R4zor]

https://brainheartworld.org/

[Avicenna]

Well, does it interfere with your sex life?

[MsMorgan420]

Yes.. he chooses this over me and will stay up all night until I fall asleep to do it.

[MsMorgan420]

he's plays the game and stays up really late. Usually when he thinks I'm asleep then he'll do it.

[Avicenna]

Then it's a big problem indeed. What does he say when you talk to him about it?

[MsMorgan420]

He gets really quietly usually and then trys to avoid talking to me or being around me. When I try to talk about it again later he usually gets mad.. we argue... he calls me negative.. living in the past... then points out everything he says "I do wrong".. which is usually lies or him rewriting what I said or did. Followed by him acting like nothing ever happened and he's a loving caring attentive husband and father.

[MsMorgan420]

Its pure crazy making. I know that my boundaries are weak. I need to be firm but he makes me feel like I'm overreacting and I start to doubt my feelings.

[Avicenna]

Try saying nothing about it for awhile and see what happens.

[MsMorgan420]

I've done that too. I've went months... he just got worse. He stopped coming to bed all together instead 1-2 nights a week and would avoid me, barely talked to me, and stopped being affectionate.

[MsMorgan420]

We've been together for 12 years.

[Avicenna]

OK, you are in dire need of marriage counseling

[MsMorgan420]

Yea I know. I've tried to get him to start again but he constantly makes it into an argument and says I need therapy not him.

[LiamSawyer]

One of the main problems with porn is it's so fake and unrealistic but those that get addicted to it can no longer differentiate between fantasy and reality.

I quit watching porn in my late teens for that very reason it's fake and unrealistic. This where guys get the idea women love having their face covered in cum... they do this in porn simply because they have to show the money shot or cum shot. No pleasure other then sadistic pleasure is derived from it. Then you get butt hole licking and tongue probing the anus which to me is gross, and in porn they bleach the butt hole area, disinfect it and flavour it just before the scene is shot. It's disgusting.

Personally I think your hubby is crazy to hang on to porn when he has a gorgeous wife that's willing to be playful during some good sex. Hit me up if ever just want someone to chat with about it.

[LiamSawyer]

I feel real bad for you, I truly hope everything works out for you.

[Reaperbot666]

• many couples run into a similar issue these days/ in the modern age of internet, mobile devices, online dating, etc.
• where porn is often a big issue in a relationship. because it is so readily available.
• sadly the longer many couples live together. the less likely they end up having sexual interactions with each other.
• often because one or both get bored of their partner or their sex life becomes mundane or boring.
• however since your willing to try new things to spice things up. sounds like it is an issue on his part.
• ideally a good relationship requires 4 key pillars to last the test of time.
• physical attraction, mental attraction, emotional attraction and sexual attraction.
• which all need to remain in sync with each other.

[MsMorgan420]

I agree 💯.

[pigoat]

If he's addicted seek help

If he doesn't want the help

Then leave or stay unhappy for the rest of your marriage

[Browneye57]

Okay, no more bullshit or games. You sit him down and give it to him straight.
1. No more jerking off to porn. Period.
2. If he wants to get off, do you, cum, whatever, he comes to you. He makes YOU his sole source of sexual gratification. Period. But you cannot ever say 'no' unless it's a life or death situation. Make him the deal, it's do or die.

If he is unwilling or unable to do this then divorce him. Let him know he's on notice. This is no way to live your life, and it's a failure to uphold the vows he made in marriage.

And no, this has nothing to do with you, it's not your fault, and has nothing to do with your sexual willingness or performance. This is an addiction, plain and simple. And you cannot compete with it, the constant barrage of depravity, the fakeness of it all. You are what is called a 'porn-widow'. And it needs to stop.

[dutch69lover]

Have you watched it with him? Maybe give him head while he watches? Go to a strip club with him and egg him on during a lap dance? Lots of ways to play together... sometimes just gotta throw him down and get nasty when he least expects it

[MsMorgan420]

Yea I have done this and he was into it but never really continued doing especially because he still would hide and watch it privately so I started to feel resentfull towards it. I've offered to go somewhere together.. I've even brought up a 3 some. He got offended and made me feel like I thought he wasn't enough for me and I didn't really love him if that's what I wanted to do. I've gotten dressed up.. tried to whip out his dick while playing the game.. I was made to feel as if I was bothering him.. I've dance in front of him.. bounced my ass around and all I got was a little smack on the ass told I was sexy and he was gonna fuck that shit up only to wait around for it and find him jacking off in the shower.. I even offered to finish him off but he was to embarrassed so he said he was good😳

[MsMorgan420]

When I say I have literally tried everything thing.. I really mean it.

[dutch69lover]

Sorry to hear that hun. Your beautiful and I know I'd have no problems fulfilling your desires or taking you places.

[MsMorgan420]

Thank you. I guess I just can't understand why he does this to me even it means us getting a divorce 😔. I've never had anyone treat me the way he does.. its like dying tragically while doing something you love. I love him but this marriage is slowly killing my spirit.

[dutch69lover]

Best to leave while your still young and have some spirit.

[MsMorgan420]

Thats what I keep telling myself. I know making a plan will take time and slot of saving money. I have to think about my 3 kids.. bc I know they see and feel the disconnect.

[MsMorgan420]

a lot*

[dutch69lover]

Maybe get you a side piece of meat maybe he'll come around

[Wise4myage]

Here's the bottom line. He's addicted to porn and unless he admits he has a problem and seeks help, then nothing will ever change. So Its your call, but I say Its time to get rid of him.

[pizzalovershouse]

cuz he has a bad addiction that he won't givd up most guys would rather have thd real thing than the porn so you can't change him ifs tims to stoo thinking you can which your un happy with so time to move on an end it vefore it makes you feel your not desirable to gugs an so you can have a happy life you deservd it