Can you have casual sex/a one night thing with someone you actually like?

[Anonymous]

2 years ago the man who i had loved, the only man i have ever slept with, cheated on me and played me and then got into another relationship. He left me so scarred that i didn’t even want to try to date again. I didn’t like anybody for a very long time because I was so disinterested in falling in love again. He was somebody i thought I could love forever and he showed me how pointless that can be. Even then- when I was going through that shit- the only man I would have ever even considered to be with with my crush from high school, Michael. Me and Michael weren’t in the same grade and because I was older than him I never would even give him the time. I had low self esteem as a kid and was afraid of boys in general, but even more of him because I couldn’t hide how much I liked him. Whenever we were around each other I would turn into a shy mess. I guess I was at least a little lucky that EVERYBODY thought i was shy and so he wouldn’t have probably been able to know that I was extremely shy around him because I liked him. But he would always make an effort to say something to me. Throughout the years since high school he would text me occasionally just to say hey. I would take care of one of his nephews when I worked at a daycare 2 years back so I would see him pretty often and he would show me pictures of his nephew after I quit, send me updates about how he was doing. The thing about Michael is that he has been in a lot of relationships since high school, one that was not too long ago. He may be single, but I’m no longer naive and I can see the signs of somebody who isn’t ready for a relationship. Michael may not be ready for anything serious, and I’m probably just tired to death of waiting to have sex. Sometimes I just think what the fuck at I even waiting for? The “right one”? Clearly, I already thought that my first love was the right one and look how that went. So I wouldn’t mind getting mine just once, taking care of my needs.

[Anonymous]

Friendly suggestion, but why not just get a sex toy? That way you can take care of yourself whenever you need. I guess in my opinion, sex can complicate things. Sometimes you go into it with one idea or plan, then come out with an entirely different outlook and/or feeling, for better or worse. You and Michael seem to have a very nice relationship, and even the potential of messing it up or things being awkward just doesn’t seem worth it. There are so many toys on the market.

[Asker]

My sister told me the same thing lol. But I’m just tired of waiting. I don’t understand why I’m waiting anymore. There is no more virtue or purity to save for “the one.” I’m not saying I’m used, but I did my thing. When I was with my ex he hurt me so badly with his lies and his dishonesty. Leading up to him breaking my heart he was chipping away at it by pretending to love me just to keep me around-and for what? But because of that experience, I know that I could never be hurt when I know what’s up. Michael hasn’t said that he wants anything casual but I do. I have had sex with my ex during times where we were broken up while I was still in love with him and let me tell you, to me, there is nothing worse than what I put myself through trying to be in love with someone like him. I just want to enjoy myself and connect with someone I enjoy being around. I won’t fall for Michael-I’m hardened from that past relationship. I can’t fall for someone who isn’t reciprocating 100% of my interest in them. My ex showed me that I was capable of recovering from the worst of unrequited love-which is the one where you thought they did love you because they told you and did things to make you stay with them. Michael won’t do that and so if I can recover from my ex, I can’t get hurt from Michael unless he played with my feelings-which he wouldn’t have to do because I want to sleep with him already.

[LiamSawyer]

Perhaps you and Michael could be in a friend's with benefits relationship.

[Asker]

@LiamSawyer no that’s not a good idea. I’m not interested in being his meantime girl. I just want to have my frustration taken care of and get it out the way so I won’t keep thinking about it

[Opinion Owner]

I completely get where you’re coming from, because I’ve been there too. It’s unfortunate to say that even when we feel like we’ve been through the worst, there’s always something else. Sometimes people get lucky, and go from bad to an amazing relationship. But often times, we have to experience different forms of pain, and different forms of healing. I think your frustration with your ex is more than physical, and you have a lot of work to do. It is more than sex can relieve. For all you know, you could hook up with Michael, and feel even more broken and used. The void in your heart could be torn further. But honestly, sometimes we just have to go through it. There could be the closest person in earth to you giving advice, and it’s not that you don’t appreciate, but you have to have your own experience. So if that is what Michael ends up being for you, then I can only hope that the best comes from it.

[LiamSawyer]

Ok... I understand. Sorry, I wish I could help you but...

[Jamie05rhs]

What you're proposing sounds like a bad idea.

[Surely]

Probably will be tough, as you will most likely fall in love with him even more.
Or become major enemies.