Should I worry that I initiate sex with my boyfriend more than him?

Question

So basically my boyfriend and I been together for a year. He lives kinda far like an hour and he works the rest of the week so we see each other on the weekend. It’s became almost like a routine when we see each other to have car sex (since we don’t have anywhere else to be intimate) sometimes it’s hard because it gets hot and his car is kinda small. Anyways, before he used to initiate it and I feel like over time I’m the one mentioning if he wants to hit our “spot” he never says no or make excuses he’s always down. When we have sex there isn’t a problem he gets into it, he loves my breasts and when I give him head he’s on top of the world. I’ve confronted him about it asking why he doesn’t initiate as much and he says because I bring it up before he does and he knows no matter what we will end up doing it. I feel almost as like he’s like whatever with it, I’ve asked a friend and she thought it was super weird that he’s a “man” and should be jumping for my pants every second. He’s 27 and hasn’t had many serious relationships and he was pretty sexually NOT active before we met. I consider him an introvert since he was super shy and waited for me to make the move and then it flowed from there. Also he isn’t into sexting or phone sex or sending dick pics but he’s more than happy of my nudes in fact, he has a whole gallery in his phone dedicated to my nudes. Should I be concerned? Is there something wrong

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No need to be concerned. I know couples who only meet on the weekend and have to overcome a certain barrier each time as the time in between their dates has put some distance between them, mentally.
As long as you both still reconnect every time, this is normal and nothing to worry about.
As an introvert / shy person he might still be unsure about the right moment to initiate sex. I would see his reluctance rather as him being considerate. Also he might be more focused on emotional connection when meeting you again after a week.
Maybe just cuddle a lot before sex, start with petting, do extensive foreplay without explicitly declaring "sex" (penetration / climax) as the goal and see how things develop.
I actually like to do this with partners I have known for a certain time. - The opposite extreme would be "sex" as a point on a todo-list. Not very hot for me.
You should be careful to not have sex as a mere routine. Give the moment the time to become special.
Also it would be bad just to have sex because there is nothing meaningful left to talk about. This happens in long-term couples and is normal after some years, but if their relationship works out this would optimally be because they do not need many words any more. You two meeting rarely for merely one year should still have a need for verbal communication and many subjects / events to talk about though.
Finally, it is probably convenient for him if you initiate sex. Men want sex most of the time but many are uncertain when her partner wants it. You are making it easier for him by communicating your wish to have sex directly and clearly. I do not think that is a bad thing, especially as he does not see you under the week. If you were to meet more regularly, he would find it easier to read your nonverbal signs, but as it is, I think it is best to simply speak about what you want than to rely on nonverbal clues. That would be true for most communication issues in distance-relationships, probably.

Bottom line: Don't worry. As long as there are no clear other red flags, I would consider this perfectly normal and a neutral behaviour. Might even be positive, if it is a sign of him being uncertain about what you want: That would mean that he actually *cares* about your needs but cannot (yet) guess them. Some people are better at this than others. A shy / introvert person having difficulties with nonverbal clues is a million times better than a psychopath who can read emotions very clearly and tries to manipulate women into sex. There are many more of the latter sort, trust me.

Nawlins34 · Accepted Answer

You answered your own question:  "because I bring it up before he does and he knows no matter what we will end up doing it." I don't care how much a fisherman loves fishing, he's not baiting the line when the fish are already jumping in the boat. I responded because I can tell you from MY personal experience, I've been him in a relationship. I love sex, high sex drive, so did she. I was in the Marine Corps and could only see her on the weekends. lots of sex. I wasn't cheating.  Nothing is wrong, you're initiating it too much. If you're thinking him being gone all the other time will make him more aggressive, it won't.  If this is a real issue, you've demonstrated you're willing to talk to him, just let him no there is no issues with the sex, but you enjoy it when he initiates it. Small problem, easy solution. good luck and be safe.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

Communication is often one way to resolve or at least address any shortcomings in the relationship.

... your boyfriend sounds a lot like me in that he's an introvert and never had much experience with relationships in the past.

My fiance and I had similar 'issues', if you will, a while back. He just told me one day that he loves sex and intimacy with me but that he feels it's kind of one-sided by being the one who initiates it almost every time. Though I agreed, I had never really realized that beforehand. I asked him what are some ways I could do that and.. yeah, it was relatively easy to implement and I'm the one initiating most of the time now. :P

Warmapplecrumble · Answer

My husband is similar.

Lionman95 · Answer

No it´s not try to keep him as long as possible. It´s not a bad thing if guys don´t send dickpics or doing sexting, he´s not iniating sex because he is shy and he probably doesn´t want to be seen as a guy only interested in sex. If he dedicated a gallery to your nudes it means that they have a special meaning for him. So you are important to him. Shy guys have the advantage for you that he´s less likely to cheat. But I could be wrong. If you´re happy, don´t worry about it. He´s just probably not an Alpha who wants to sleep with every girl in town. The question is what do you want a sexually totally active could be gone pretty soon if he doesn´t like the sex with you.

ZumbiGeneral · Answer

No men are going to jail for trying to initiate sex now so please do (not referring to rapist and pedos)

Nick568 · Answer

No. Unless he NEVER initiates then that shouldn't be too concerning.

StephenCF · Answer

If it was the other way around, should the boyfriend worry then? Forget about who’s initiating what. If you’re having sex and enjoying it, be happy, end of!

dutch69lover · Answer

Maybe instead of directly instigating sex you should just dress a little slurry sometime. Wear a short skirt with no panties on and find reasons to bend over in front of him and give it a little wiggle. See how he reacts then.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Maybe he has a low sex drive, or he may be stressed or tired.

Unit1 · Answer

Well, he gave you the answer. You're faster than him.

ashish804 · Answer

may be his sex drive is bit less than urs.. its cool.. till u r satisfied with his jerks

Worshop · Answer

I think its just an expectation at that point. If you're always initiating, he probably thinks why change it? Makes it a whole lot easier for shy guys. I would say you shouldn't worry about it, maybe instead and try and encourage him to initiate (that seal of approval would definitely make guys more confident in asking for sex).

LeoElias · Answer

You can stop initating and wait for him. Just turn the tables.

Dougzy · Answer

I have traveled a lot in a few jobs and what I can tell you it was a killer never really recovered from the week until Sunday evenings and the I had to travel again! so I kind of understand can you not go see him. Friday may not be that good trust Saturday will be a blast & Sunday

Windows2011 · Answer

It’s okay maybe he is a little shy

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Not if you both talk about it an are fine with it

Wewladdy · Answer

You should worry that you're having sex with a man who isn't committed to you and are easy.

nerobyrne · Answer

No, as long as you actually talk about your sex life, and you can be sure he'd say no if he didn't want to.

Dave31989 · Answer

No, you should not

lifeisterrible · Answer

He is secretly gay

Paul09 · Answer

So when you do see each other is just sex? Or do you actually do stuff together? I think both should be able to start it. Why does it have to be one or the other? I'd be so turned on if a girl wanted to fuck me badly. People make it seem like the man has to do/start everything lol. You should really communicate about it. Communication will always be key.