Sexual Relationships
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How can I stop comparing myself to other women in a relationship?

I have this problem that I feel confident on my own when I'm single (I appreciate beauty in stead of being jealous), but when I'm with someone I always put myself down, feel super insecure whenever there are jokes or talks about beautiful women or porn stars.

My boyfriend makes me feel good enough but it's a personal problem I have. When I see beautiful women everywhere I feel so jealous and that I need to be better all the time. How can I stop?
1 1

Superb Opinion

  • You need to focus on yourself and realize you are a beautiful person on the inside don’t worry about the outside , when you are happy with yourself that is what makes others want to be near you , when we constantly compare ourselves to others you will never be happy because there will always be someone better looking on the outside then ourselves , but not better then our inside , when you are happy with yourself it makes a world of a difference , it makes you more beautiful because you are fighting those insecurities. And you are comfortable with who you are , when you aren’t comfortable with who you are others see that and it’s a turn off , it’s negative vibes Always remember looks aren’t everything , if someone is comparing you based off of appearance then that person doesn’t have a heart and they don’t deserve you , if your boyfriend really loves you he loves your heart. If he is only with you for appearance then he doesn’t deserve you , So if he left you for another girl that was more attractive on the outside then good luck to him because he will be doing the same thing to her once another attractive girl catches his eye he will never experience love he will only experience selfishness , There are tons of beautiful girls and tons of attractive guys on the outside but not all of them have good hearts , when someone loves you from the heart then that’s all that matters So you need to love your heart and know that you are a beautiful person , or you will be living in misery , Don’t let social media brain wash you to believe you need to look a certain way , Social media plants appearance in people’s heads because it’s a money maker , Movies and tv and music videos do the same thing , Most of the fit ripped
    Guys or the model girls we see are computer imaged to look that way , it draws attention to people and makes people believe that’s the way they need to look , If people put there phones down and they go to the mall or a store , I guarantee 90 percent of the people in that store don’t look nothing like the people you see on tv or social media , because it’s fake, I use to constantly worry about my appearance and realized what’s the point , I am happier with myself just being who I am

    • Thank you for the superb and hope I was able to help ya , I use to face those insecurities , I use to think girls wouldn’t want me because of my appearance , so I would lack confidence in myself thinking I wasn’t good enough that if a girl actually liked me I would automatically assume their was something wrong with her or she must be blind or she was going to keep me around until something better came around until I realized girls are attracted to confidence and the only way I could have confidence was to be myself treat others the same way I want to be treated , , so comparing ourselves to others just builds insecurities and it builds a wall around us to not let us be ourselves , when you take down that wall you feel relaxed and at ease. Not everyone is going to like us and that’s fine but the people that do , keep them by you as much as possible , we all aren’t perfect people but when we find someone that has a heart like ourselves , cherish that person because you can’t ask for anything better, Appearance isn’t everything

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girls

  • Talk to your boyfriend and tell him your issue. Tell him you NEED him to build you up.

    for example:

    when a gorgeous woman walks by, first, he doesn't notice and never comments.

    if a woman comes up in convo, he should say, "wow.. she is hot, but I wish she had a body like yours! That would be so awesome!!"

    Things to build your self esteem.

    Last resort, and I have seen 6 of them, Go see a Therapist to help you get past this roadblock.

  • Like a job cover letter you try to make yourself different from others - find a trait you have that makes you valuable other than your physical appearance or sexual traits and capitalize on it - like I think I have a reputation for being innocent and pure and simple hearted and humble so I would exaggerate my simplicity and humbleness when I was around the guy I like to win him over

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 12

  • Find a good therapist and get to the bottom of what's going on.

  • You just need to focus on what your views are and what your morals are. You do you. focus on what you are looking for and what you need in a guy. Not what others want or need but what you want and need.

    Do this within reason of course as setting realistic expectations would be a good goal to have too

  • You need to learn to love yourself.

  • Well ya that's normal I'd prob feel insecure too, but it'd probably make me more distant and willing to break up cause obviously that says they might cheat or they're settling, red flag honestly

  • Stop focusing on your insecurities

  • Porn stars are nothing special. Their breasts are often fake, as are other parts of their body, and they wear so much makeup that are not recognizable when they remove it.
    What you see is not what everyone else sees. We have a way of seeing too many of our flaws while others may not notice. Most people do not notice. The only difference between being single and now is that you aren't single. Nothing has changed. You are still you. It's because of your confidence and beauty while you were single that you are no longer single. Someone saw that and wanted you, not another woman.

  • Get over this otherwise you will be unhappy and suspicious that your man will leave you.

    Something happening is unrelated to your overthinking

  • Therapy. Or self-actualization. Either way you have to realize that he/she/they're with you now and they wouldn't be with you if you weren't "enough". It's probably something you'll have to fight the rest of your days unfortunately

  • Have you considered counseling?

  • By accepting yourself doing the best you can

  • I used to do that a lot but I noticed something absurd about it : whenever I would compare myself to someone else, I always did it on very few criterias and, in the grand scheme of things, it did not matter.

    Let me illustrate that with an example : Swiss army knives. Swiss army knives will always be worse knives than combat knife, worse can openers than actual can openers, worse bottle openers than actual bottle openers... You can go on an on but that's not why we like Swiss army knives. We like Swiss army knives because of everything they bring to the table.

    That's the same for a person. We love someone because of everything they bring to the table, for the unique combination of characteristics they are. For example, you might feel like some women are more beautiful than you but, by comparing only your beauty, you neglect all other great characteristics about yourself. Some women might be more beautiful but they might be dumb as a box of rocks compared to you or be worse in many other ways.

    By realizing that, I concluded that there were too many characteristics associated to a person to compare 2 persons fairly. Therefore, because I don't like anything unfair, I stopped doing it. Besides, like mentioned earlier, we are all Swiss army knives in a way and bring a lot of different things to the table. We are unique combination of skills and character traits that makes us good at certain things and less good at certain things.

    I also realized that comparing myself to others was only putting myself in an unfair situation, looking for the next thing I'm not good enough at and, frankly, it gets emotionally exhausting because there will always be someone better than you at a particular thing.

    From now on, I only compare myself to my past self so that I can focus on growing as a person, on working on my weaknesses and on appreciating my strengths.

  • Meditation and yoga something that will relax you let all that negative energy out

  • I don't remember ever talking about women and porn stuff to a gal I'm with unless she does, but it's normal if that happens a lot to you

  • Just stop thinking about other women and focus on yourself. You've got a boyfriend that loves you so obviously he thinks that you're sexy in his eyes

  • You're insecure for sure. It happens. I'm in a ldr and I feel it sometimes although my man does make me feel good many times and I get beautiful compliments. Trouble is, there are too many attention getting hoes out there trying to entice your man in pics or what not. You are number one to him and they are fake so never mind this feeling. You are all that and they will never be. Just they are phony on here and off here and anywhere else online or offline.

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