Should a man lie to his girlfriend in this case?

[Tonytoutouni123]

A friend of mine used to be very unpopular with women and was always rejected.

When he was 20 he went to a prostitute and lost his virginity there. Since then he went to prostitutes regularly, but still did his best to become more attractive to women. He started going to the gym and lost 10 kilos (22 pounds), took much better Tinder pictures, moved from his parents (from a small village) to Stuttgart (the nearest big city) in a shared flat and since then tried to meet as many people as possible.

His situation has indeed changed a lot! He is still not a womanizer, but he has managed to have many one-night stands lately.

Since a few days he has his first girlfriend and he is very happy because that is what he has always dreamed of.

When he told me that he now has a girlfriend I was very happy for him. But I asked him what he will say to his girlfriend when she asks him about his first time having sex, because in a relationship sooner or later people talk about how they lost their virginity. This made him think a lot and he didn't know if he should tell her the truth or rather not tell her about the prostitutes. He asked me what I would do:

Generally I am in favor of telling the truth. But in this case I consider a white lie legitimate. Since I am sure that for most women it would be a huge turn-off to find out that their boyfriend went to prostitutes and even lost his virginity with a prostitute, I recommended him to keep his prostitution past a secret from her. Of course he doesn't go to prostitutes anymore, because he has a girlfriend now and he is faithful to her.

Now my question: do you think he should tell the truth, or rather hide it?

By the way, prostitution is legal in my country.

[ragequeen]

If she doesn't hear it from him, she will find out from somebody else, and that's worse. Much worse. A secret like that won't be kept long, guaranteed.

Another difficult aspect of this situation is that women often form an opinion on your personality once they get to know past decisions you've made (that depends on the severity of the situation of course). If your friend tells his girlfriend that he hooked up with many prostitutes just to lose his virginity, she might consider herself less valuable in his eyes, because he has only had luck with easy women. She might also think he is desperate, and that's why he is with her.

Regardless of what people say, people who used to be womanizers and slept around a lot will have it harder to form meaningful and deep relationships with just one person. This is because his view on women subconsciously (or consciously) changed while he was doing it, because to him, women were just objects. How can he suddenly change his mind? Girls also take this into consideration.

In order for this to be as easy and harmless as possible with less potential damage on the relationship, it's important for your friend to tell the truth. Not only that, he has to explain to her how his view on women was before, and how he changed that perspective and chose to be with her in stead. She needs to understand his cognitive process through all this. He needs to tell her about his bad luck with women, low self esteem and need for validation. She won't understand otherwise.

Good luck! Hope everything works out.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@ragequeen "If she doesn't hear it from him, she will find out from somebody else..." I guarantee that this will not happen! Besides me, only one other good friend of mine and him knows about his brothel past and we will definitely keep the secret! 🤫 "If your friend tells his girlfriend that he hooked up with many prostitutes just to lose his virginity, she might consider herself less valuable in his eyes, because he has only had luck with easy women" That's why he'll lie. It is not acceptable that his sexual past has any influence on this. He is as much a great boyfriend as if he had never gone to prostitutes. He did his best to become attractive to women (which he now undoubtably is) but his problem was, that he was very shy and not good at communicating. What should he have done alternatively? Stay a virgin? That would have made him even less attractive to women. So at 20, it was time to pull the rip cord. And as I said, nowadays he can easily have one night stands. He isn’t unattractive to women any more! There is no need to ruin his sex appeal that he built up with great effort due to talking about his past

[Tonytoutouni123]

@ragequeen "... because to him, women were just objects." Why do you claim such a thing without knowing him? I tell you, it was always extremely important to him that the prostitutes feel 100% comfortable and he always treated them with great respect. He was always kind to them. The prostitutes definitely liked him a lot because he was a desirable customer. He has always put extreme importance on his hygiene. I can remember how me and my other friend waited for him in the car for ages until he finally finished his hygiene program. He always wanted to know if his deodorant and shampoo smelled good but mild or if he should change something. someone who considers women to be objects doesn’t give a shit about his hygiene when going to a prostitute. He styled like he was going to have a date. 🤦‍♂️😂 He really does not look unattractive! In the beginning he was very slightly fat, but he lost weight and became muscular. His only problem with women was his shyness. I'll never understand why so many women assume that a man who likes to have one night stands or goes to prostitutes would see women as objects... it's the profession of a prostitute to have sex for money! But that doesn't mean at all that the man sees her as an object! If you go to a hairdresser, do you see him as a haircutting object either? No, of course not. You see him as a person but the only reason you go to him is because he cuts your hair. But you know that his personality is much more than just a "hair cutting machine". It is the same with prostitutes. Of course there are also clients who see them as objects, but most of them don't. My friend, however, does not.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@ragequeen "he has to explain to her how his view on women was before, and how he changed that perspective and chose to be with her in stead. She needs to understand his cognitive process through all this. His view on women has always been correct. He has never seen women as objects. There is no change and nothing to explain. "In order for this to be as easy and harmless as possible with less potential damage on the relationship, it's important for your friend to tell the truth. Since most women probably think like you and assume that he is or at least was misogynistic, which he is not and never has been, it is certainly the best thing for him to lie to his girlfriend this one time. And that’s what he will do. No need to take this high risk. Thanks for your opinion anyway.

[ragequeen]

Wow you know a lot about your friend and he sure gave a lot of details about his encounters with the prostitutes. You are also super defensive so it actually makes. E think this story is about you. Needless to say, I'm just telling you what I believe will be the best possible outcome. To tell his (or your) girlfriend that he did not treat those prostitues with disrespect will not prove that he doesn't see women as objects. Of course you treat a prostitute with respect, it's a job and you treat business with respect. But it doesn't mean you see that person as something of value to you other than what you paid for. Sorry to be blunt, but if you spend your young life with prostitutes and one night stands, you will look like a desperate person with no self esteem whatsoever. And you can't be naive and think such a thing will be kept a secret. Either the guilt or regret will kill you slowly, or she will find out some other way. It was a big part of your (or his) life, anyway. Regardless, she deserves to know the truth, because if what you say is true, he has nothing to hide and he has put that past way behind him. If he feels like he has to hide it, urges and his true personality might still be lurking in his subconscious.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@ragequeen Yes, it makes total sense that I am hiding something on a platform on the internet on which I can even make my pseudonym anonymous. "Irony off" He is one of my best friends. I often drove him to prostitutes with another friend. We waited for him in the car. We often convinced him to do it 💪 We even supported him financially sometimes. Too bad you can't explain why you suspect him of viewing women as objects. There is no way to prove that one does not see women as objects. There is no reason to assume that he views women as objects. You suspect him, literally without any reason. You not only suspect him, you are already condemning him. With you, one is guilty by suspicion. "Of course you treat a prostitute with respect, it's a job and you treat business with respect" No, there are some who do not treat prostitutes with respect because they consider it as menial work. "And you can't be naive and think such a thing will be kept a secret. Since then the guilt or regret will kill you slowly, or she will find out some other way." As I said, me and my friend will take his secret to the grave. His girlfriend will never find out... There's no guilt. Why should there be? He never did anything reprehensible. I'm sure he'd do it all over again. Without the prostitutes, he probably wouldn't have his girlfriend today. Nice side effect for his girlfriend: He is very sexually experienced these days 👌

[brennanhuff]

I don't know if it will hurt relationships. Some guys who sleep around are womanizers and can be jerks about it because they are callous and see women as objects. Other guys might just be suppressing feelings about women so those feelings that could help be good for a relationship are still there. They just desire the ego stroke like everybody does. Everybody has an ego and if other guys have enjoyed sex and the ego stroke, but have half the charm that another guy has. It might be hard for him to just retire and settle the rest of his life with another woman until he makes up for missed time that he caused from not taking chances and anxiety, but also had the great potential. Takes care of that, sows oats and then ready to embrace what he always wanted to emotionally and that's a serious relationship. Just needed the ego stroke or else it would carry on to a relationship and ruin it.

[purplepoppy]

A lot of guys use prostitutes for practice, its no big deal but I don't think anything is gained by sharing that with a girlfriend

[Tonytoutouni123]

Thanks for your opinion!

[Lliam]

I wouldn't say anything unless she asked. And if she did, I might say I lost my virginity to a random person when I was young and stupid. And I wouldn't spill my guts about all my sexual experiences.

I've never been asked about my past sexual experiences by a girlfriend and I've never asked them. I'm not interested. I assess them for how they are now, not by their past. I don't need a resume. The fact is, the way people learn, grow and become more mature is through experience. We don't remain the same as we were.

I think it's weird to ask about stuff like that. I've heard that certain guys want to know a woman's "body count". Some girls ask guys that, too. I think those people are immature, judgmental, jealous types. They obviously haven't lived much.

Sex is just a part of life. A person's sex organ isn't something sacred. We can have all sorts of sexual experiences - kissing, touching, oral or intercourse. Sometimes it's just gratification. But it can also be integral to an intimate, loving relationship. And whatever you did in the past has no bearing on that.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Lie. 99.99999999% of the time I would say tell the truth but women despise men who see prostitutes (their is no empathy their, no understanding that he was lonely and wanted that intimate connection that he had been denied. He will just be hated for it.). So yeah, lie. Maybe much further down the line when he really knows her well and knows she isn't going to treat him like he is human garbage for it he can tell her but honestly I wouldn't trust that she wouldn't do that, especially in the earliest stages of the relationship.

[CurLyF]

I know my brother lost his' with a prostitute and I've never thought less of him. I have a policy of not talking about that stuff with my partner. I mean I ask about the most recent relationship or maybe the most important one (if he was married even though it was a while ago I would like to know) but otherwhise I think whatever happened before you should stay in the past. I never ask for many details. And I wouldn't tell him about when I lost mine, I wouldn't lie but I would be firm in not telling, not because I'm ashamed but because I know it can bring some troublein feelings. I lost mine in a one night stand and I'm not ashamed, but I know some guys kind of have double standards and I don't want something that unimportant stands in the way. So i wouldn't say but wouldn't lie.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@curlyf For me it would be absolutely no problem if you lost it in a one night stand if I were your boyfriend. But tbh, it's true that many men would not like to hear it. Did your brother tell you that he lost it with a prostitute or did you get to know it another way?

[Ozanne]

I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of the girl: what would I rather hear?

I think the truth, but I think it's the approach that matters. In my early 20s my biggest fear over everything was STDs, so I'd have to have some sort of cushion to fall on, knowing that he was safe and that everyone's STD tests were clean.

He'd have to feel out her reaction by easing into it. "It was with a girl in a hotel one night". If she nothing else to say about it, leave it at that. If she presses on: "I didn't know her, and only saw her once." If says nothing more, leave it. If she is zeroing in on it: "Do you really want to know this, because it's something I'm not proud of." Then lead up with the explanation on how he couldn't find anyone and made a bad choice, but he's clean and he's moved on.

I know that for me, I'm aware that some of my past lovers have used prostitutes. I didn't like it, but mainly didn't care - as long as up to the point where I came in, they were clean of STDs. It's the same as saying that they slept with a thousand women before me. Same sort of risk.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@ozanne Thanks for your opinion. Yes he is STD free. He always used protection because he was always very cautious about STDs himself. One time, he panicked afterwards because he touched the vagina of the prostitute with his hand and he had a very very little injury on his finger that was healed already. No blood at all, just a very little scar. But he feared that he might have gotten hiv 🤦‍♂️ But if his girlfriend was still concerned, he would be willing to make a std test.

[Ozanne]

That's a relief... even to ME. LOL - if I was that girl that would be the main thing above all else.

[zollo]

I'm not gonna lie... It would bother me a little to hear that BUT I definitely wouldn't break things off with him because of it. And since that question only usually comes up a little later on I think it would be much easier to look past it. If it's still pretty early on in the relationship I would lie and if you end up staying together longer you can tell her later.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@zollo Ok thanks for your opinion 🙂

[LittleTurtleDuck]

If you base things in your relationship on lies just throw the whole thing away.
Honesty or nothing.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@littleturtleduck But what about privacy? I think one should be allowed to keep a little privacy - even in a relationship. Why does he has to tell the truth? It is obvious that it would just makes him unattractive.. so it would be pretty stupid to tell her.

[LittleTurtleDuck]

Pivacy? You are gonna have sex right? They will be up in your most PRIVATE parts. So no. And it is not obvious it would make him unattractive: If she is that shallow he might need to reconsider her value and if she deserves him. If someone does not take you with all your mileage they are not worthy of you.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@littleturtleduck Most women will think that a man who sleeps with prostitutes is not attractive enough to pick up women himself. Which was true for him in the past because of his shyness. Whether she admits it or not, but subconsciously he will lose much attractiveness in her eyes. One cannot blame her for that. Therefore it is wise, in the interest of all, to take the secret to the grave. In my opinion, his sexual past is none of her business. I don't understand the sex argument. At one night stands you also have sex and still don't tell each other everything about your private life.

[LittleTurtleDuck]

Oh? Did you do a survey amongst most woman? Do you have any data to support this claim? Are you by any chance this woman that you know how she will react? If he loses his value in her eyes by being honest she is just a bitch in my opinion: You take a partner regardless of the stuff that was in the past, because hey, it already happened and you can't undo it. If they are in a relationship and he still goes to prostitutes thats a different story. Also, it's not just "unattractive" guys that go there, business men or other "attractive" people go there as well. So bullshit argument. And it is not wise, if someone else slips up or he at some point messes up his story then he is royaly fucked. I do not advocate for lying in any shape or form. And about the sexual private part: I was talking about a relationship, not ONS. Keeping secrets or lying in a relationship is just dumb as fuck. One day it gets out or you will live in constant anxiety that it might. Crappy relationship you have then. You asked for an opinion, here you have it. If you disagree, fine but then shut up please..

[LittleTurtleDuck]

And by most women I mean in the world, not just on here cuz you portrayed your options in a way it would fit your desired answer

[Tonytoutouni123]

@littleturtleduck
"Oh? Did you do a survey amongst most woman? Do you have any data to support this claim?"
No, I don't, but I have reason to believe so, because there is an evolutionary-biological reason why it probably appears unattractive. I don't want to explain it but it is called "sexy-son hypothesize".

pro.psychcentral.com/.../

Besides me, only one other friend knows about his Brothel past. We will take his secret to the grave. He will certainly not mess up his story because he probably only has to tell it to her once, and he doesn't mess it up, he just cuts out the part about the prostitutes. His girlfriend will never find out.

Apart from that, I think what you wrote was very good and you even convinced me! I also think now that he should tell the truth because it will determine if she is the right one for him. I swear I was just about to give you mho. But then I read that I should shut up. What a pity.

"cuz you portrayed your options in a way it would fit your desired answer"

No idea what you mean. I can only give limited answer possibilities. I chose these because I thought they were the most likely answers.

[LittleTurtleDuck]

I said to shut up if you disagree, because I don't see the point in asking for opinions or advice only to keep going against it. And that last part is what I mean, you picked the things that seemed most likely to you and therefore biased the survey.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@littleturtleduck the point in asking for opinions or advice and then brining counterarguments is, to understand the other opinion in more detail. That is the real purpose of a discussion! To find out if the other person has good arguments and maybe even to be convinced by the other opinion. But most people only want to "win" in a discussion and do not have the goal to understand the other opinion. To figure out whether you have good arguments, I had to enter into a discussion with you. "you picked the things that seemed most likely to you and therefore biased the survey." As you can see, I have chosen "something different" as the 5th option. So everyone who has a different opinion can click on it. Only 5 out of 30 women have chosen this field. So you can see that my choices seemed to be quite common. How should I have made the survey more objective? One has to define answer options. 🤷‍♂️

[LittleTurtleDuck]

You also could have asked an open question and not steered people in your direction It is actually a psychological thing that people in multiple choice questions pick something is easy as opposed to the "other, specify below" option If you take away the multiple choice you eliminate the easy answers and actually get more of the discussion you prefer. And I'm okay with discussing things, but there is a fine line between a discussion with counter arguments and just arguing with assumptions. For me the conversation was more like the latter so that's why I wanted to end it. It did not seem like you'd understand. My apologies if it was rude. I'm just direct and if I feel like someone is just trying to argue with me I tend to get snappy.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@littleturtleduck I don't think that I have pulled people in my direction. There were 3 possible answers that said my friend should tell the truth, and only one answer was that he should lie. I also believe that most people have a clear opinion on such a question and are not strongly influenced by psychological effects of the answer options. Nvm However, you convinced me with your opinion. If his past is a problem for her, she isn’t the right one for him.

[Majesty101]

Honesty is the best policy. I would want him to tell the truth. No matter how much it might hurt, she needs to know. It's not really a 'little white lie' if it's filled with a bunch of prostitutes. Even though he's really happy and she's his first girlfriend, he needs to let her decide whether she wants to accept it or not, he shouldn't decide for her.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@majesty101 "he needs to let her decide whether she wants to accept it or not, he shouldn't decide for her." Why do you think so? Actually, it's none of her business. It's part of his privacy. Right? I think you should be allowed to keep a little privacy in a relationship. And why is going to prostitutes such a big thing? Do you consider it to be immoral, or does it just makes a man unattractive (because it seems like he has no other options to get sex) or both?

[Majesty101]

@tonytoutouni123 Well, when you are in a relationship, yes you have your own privacy, but you also give up some of that privacy and independence for the other person. What I meant by my statement was, if they are going to have any intimacy he should share that history with her considering that she is going to be involved. It's all about principles. Now, something involved with a job or maybe a friend can stay a part of his privacy because it's not involving her, but when they both share an experience there's two lives attached to that situation, meaning that there's no 'privacy' anymore. Where I'm from and how I was raised, prostitution is deemed as immoral. But, if where you live and the morals of your society find nothing wrong with it, pay no mind to what I said about it before. For many women, it makes a man unattractive because of how many women he's been with before. Not only did he sleep with other women, but he also prioritized sex, allowing him to make that decision in the first place. Here's the thing though, not all women find it unattractive or immoral. There are some who don't mind and some who do. It depends on the woman. So, that's why I said he needs to tell her because you never know how she might feel about that.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@majesty101 Yes she is involved. But only with the intimacy in the present and future. She was not involved with the intimacy of the past. That is why I think she does not need to know. In my society, some consider it immoral and some do not. I don't find it reprehensible at all, provided of course that the prostitute does it voluntarily. I also don't understand what you mean by "but he also prioritized sex". He prioritized it over what? He didn't know his girlfriend back then.

[Majesty101]

@tonytoutouni123 That's an interesting point there, but put yourself in her shoes for a sec. If you were dating a girl and eventually got intimate with her and one day find out that she slept with a bunch of men before you without ever telling you, how would you feel? Not to get too deep into but not only did he sleep with many other women, but they were prostitutes at that. I don't think that concept is being grasped here. They weren't girlfriends, they were prostitutes, who sell themselves for sex to a bunch of other people. That can be extremely bothering to someone, especially if it wasn't told to them from the start. What I meant by 'he prioritized sex' was he set aside his morality for the sake of pleasing himself instead of focusing on himself in the first place to become the better version of himself. Sex is not all there is to the world and to live for. At the end of the day, things that are hidden always find their was to the surface, so she's gonna find out one way or another. It is going to make it worse when it takes a longer time for her to find out. So, hey, he can do whatever he wants in the situation, but I guarantee you, she was want to know.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@majesty101 I understand that it makes him less attractive because it shows that he couldn't get sex any other way. But I don't understand why sex with a prostitute should be extremely bothering to the girlfriend. "What I meant by 'he prioritized sex' was he set aside his morality for the sake of pleasing himself instead of focusing on himself in the first place to become the better version of himself. Sex is not all there is to the world and to live for." Why did he set his morality aside? What do you mean? He has not done anything immoral! Going to prostitutes is as immoral as going to the grocery store. He has always tried to look more attractive, but it didn't work out in the past because of his shyness. The prostitutes have made him more confident. And yes, sex is not everything in the world. But it's part of the world, right? Almost all living creatures have a sex drive. From a biological point of view, it's our only job to reproduce. Sex feels good. I see no reason why one shouldn't have sex. That a 20-year-old young man wants to have sex is completely normal. He should live out his high sex drive at this age before he becomes prudish. And I guarantee that she won't find out if he doesn't want her to. Besides me, only one other very good friend of mine and him knows about his brothel past. We will definitely take the secret to the grave...

[AustinMan]

Simple: when it comes to sexual history, don't ask, don't tell.

[Tonytoutouni123]

So if she asks him, should he say that he does not want to talk about it? I think that would also leave a strange impression on the woman.

[AustinMan]

I think he just tells her that he trusts that any previous lovers are completely out of the picture and he would like his privacy on this issue while assuring her there is no problem. I'm guessing she'll respect him more for it.

[Zarapeachy]

It’s honestly up to your friend. He can keep it general and say he lost it to someone he was romantically with and leave it as that. Past is past. You can’t change that. Sure someone’s past make them the person they are today but you learn and grow. So keep it general that’s it

[Tonytoutouni123]

Thanks for your opinion!

[CrazyGirl2]

First lying about a sexual history that included prostitutes and many one night stands is ANYTHING BUT a white lie! It is a major fringing deal! That history of hookers and sluts, could endanger my safety, maybe even my life! Be honest and allow the woman the right to make a decision based on informed consent! Because without informing her, she can’t truly give consent!

[Gotcha_Writer10]

The man should definitely tell the truth about his sexual history. For not only the moral responsibility of being honest, but he should for health reasons. I for one would want to be informed about such a hostory with my partner, and would definitely push me to have him tested for anything he might have gotten. Of course i would have tests done to on muself, but such a situation would pish thing's much faster.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@gotcha_writer10 Thanks for your opinion! He always used protection because he was always very cautious about STDs himself. One time, he panicked afterwards because he touched the vagina of the prostitute with his hand and he had a very very little injury on his finger that was healed already. No blood at all, just a very little scar. But he feared that he might have gotten hiv 🤦‍♂️ But if his girlfriend was concerned, he would be willing to make a std test.

[AlienParasite]

I think it's not something attractive, and could be considered a weakness or drawback... but I don't think it's a deal breaker. It could contribute with the accumulation of other drawbacks to a breakup. But if everything else it's fine in the relationship it's not important enaugh to cause any trouble.

I feel like even though it could be something that in a first moment could provoke a bad impression, the courage and honesty to tell so can leave a good impression afterwards.

Besides, I would say losing virginity with a prostitute is not as bad as beign a liar. Beign a liar can actually be a deal breaker, or the initial cause of a trust issue that could damage the relationship.

[Yads_Is_Back]

True. Being a liar is one of the worst.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@alienparasite Thanks for your opinion. Would you also consider it reprehensible if she had sex with 100 men but claimed it was less?

[AlienParasite]

I guess so. A lie is a lie regardless of gender.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@alienparasite Why is he even obliged to talk about his sexual past. It is part of his privacy. 🤷‍♂️ His girlfriend doesn’t need to know. But if she asks him about it, it would be a bit strange if he said: "I don't want to talk about it". Then his girlfriend would suspect something strange. That's why I think he should lie.

[AlienParasite]

Any healthy couple talk about their past experiences (sexual and not sexual), wishes, future goals and such kind of topics as a way to learn more about the other, feel closer and gain intimacy. I think that he can lie if he wants, but it's immature and weak to lie because you fear not to be accepted. If she likes him for real, she's not going to leave him because of that. But it's still his life. He can follow fear and lie, if that's what he wants. But it's really sad of him. A partner is someone that should accept you as you are, past included. He's avoiding to know if she will accept him. Very sad.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@alienparasite „He's avoiding to know if she will accept him.“ I guess you have a point. If he lies, he lies because he fears that she could will dump him. I changed my mind. He should tell her the truth.

[AlienParasite]

I think he should be honest in case this conversation happens. However maybe he doesn't even need to talk about this because this conversation about sexual experiences never comes. And if it doesn't comes there's no use for him to bring it to the table.

[Yads_Is_Back]

Did Tony just say he’s gonna be honest? Holy crap 😂

[Tonytoutouni123]

@alienparasite Yes, that's how I see it too 🙂

[Tonytoutouni123]

@yads_is_back It seems as if you are always looking for dispute. Why do you always want to provoke/offend? Let it be good for once. I really don't feel like always arguing with you. For the future: If we have different opinions, let's try to understand each other's opinion and if we don't agree, so what? No need to provoke/insult the other one. Deal? And no, it is not me in the story 🙄 If it were me, I wouldn't be ashamed of it at all because I don't find it at all reprehensible to go to prostitutes. I would have no problem to talk about it openly on a platform on the internet on which I can even make my pseudonym anonymous. 🤷‍♂️ So, no need to fake a story.

[bigmisssunshine]

If he used protection then I’d be fine with it. But if he didn’t I’d definitely dump him. The truth is always best, because the girlfriend deserves nothing but the truth.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@bigmisssunshine Yes he always used protection! Ok but it makes a man unquestionably less attractive if he was a virgin for a long time and then lost it through a prostitute. Right? Don't you think that in a relationship it is allowed to keep some secrets from each other? His sexual past shouldn't really play a role. He's only interested in her. That's all that matters. A woman who has slept with 100 men would probably also lie if the topic of past sexual partners came up. Right? And I think that's completely okay.

[bigmisssunshine]

In my opinion lying is wrong. And I don’t know about if it makes him less attractive. I mean, it’s not that big of a deal for me.

[Tonytoutouni123]

Thanks for your opinion!

[DizzyDesii]

I’d want to know he was with a hoe cause yea i dont want nunna that dick 🤷‍♀️ Call it shallow but ig thats just what i believe. I do understand why he’d white lie though. I mean my second ex wanted to know how many times i had sex with my first. Look, all he needed to know was that i wasn't a virgin. But in his eyes, he still saw me as one so i told him “just once” 🤷‍♀️

[Yads_Is_Back]

That’s self-respect 👍🏼

[DizzyDesii]

@Yads_Is_Back thanks

[Tonytoutouni123]

@dizzydesii Would it bother you because you are generally against prostitution, or does the man simply appear less attractive when he has been with prostitutes?

[DizzyDesii]

Both. Like he stooped to a new low by fckin some hookers

[Tonytoutouni123]

@dizzydesii Nah actually he just showed that he is a real man 💪

[Yads_Is_Back]

@tonytoutouni123 LMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[DizzyDesii]

A real man likely to catch a real disease from fckin hoes

[Yads_Is_Back]

Tell the truth. If a guy lied to me about that - or anything- I’d get rid of him.

The key to this is that if you think it’s bad enough that you might need to lie about it in the future then the common sense thing is to do is not do it.

[Yads_Is_Back]

So it’s a matter of honesty but also taking responsibility

[Yads_Is_Back]

If you’re “man” enough to do it, be man enough to own up to it. So your friend sounds more like a chicken and nothing close to a good man.

[Elsa143]

He is still a womanizer because he had multiple night stands after the PROSTITUTES. Sounds like a desperate horse to me.

[Yads_Is_Back]

@Elsa143 He’s definitely desperate and also ashamed to admit it.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@yads_is_back „The key to this is that if you think it’s bad enough that you might need to lie about it in the future then the common sense thing is to do is not do it.“ He doesn’t consider it to be bad at all, but he fears that it makes him less attractive (at least on a subconscious level). Since he did nothing wrong, it would be stupid to be „man“ enough to tell his girlfriend. He can only lose something although he did nothing wrong. So no need to take the risk. „So your friend sounds more like a chicken and nothing close to a good man.“ Again, my friend is of the opinion that he has done nothing reprehensible at all. He hasn't! He would be „man“ enough, if he were ashamed of what he did and considered it to be something morally reprehensible. But he doesn’t!

[Tonytoutouni123]

@elsa143 What’s wrong with having one night stands? It is absolutely normal to fuck around in the twenties. It is called: „healthy libido“ and not „desperate“. Gosh you seem to be a very prudish one...

[Tonytoutouni123]

@yads_is_back No he is not ashamed at all. Why should he? He did nothing wrong. If he will be single one day again, he will definitely do both again, one night stands and fucking hot prostitutes 👌😎

[Tonytoutouni123]

@elsa143 Why do you have a pink account when you are a man?

[Elsa143]

@tonytoutouni123 interesting. Do you that that the guy on the profile picture is me?

[Elsa143]

*think that

[Tonytoutouni123]

@Elsa143 Yes thats what every person would assume since people usually put themselves in THEIRE profil picture. Anyway, it’s not you.

[Elsa143]

It's my crush lol.

[Tonytoutouni123]

Ok nvm

[MsTaniaUncensored]

Really? How you lost your v-card is something couples talk about. I have never talked about that with any boyfriend I have ever had and no one I have dated has ever asked about my first time. Honestly, I don't find my man talking about his sexual experiences with other women to be particularly arousing. My first time really was nothing memorable or even good so not sure why anyone would want to know about it.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@mstaniauncensored Ok, but assumed you would somehow find out about him going to prostitutes in the past without asking him about his sexual past. Would it bother you?

[menina]

B for me. I think he should tell her the truth, if she finds out through another person she is going to see him as a liar.
If he tells the truth she might understand his reasons and have no issues with that.

By the way you didn't answer my messages.

[menina]

Not answer, reply.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@menina Thanks for your opinion melina why is it a no-go for you? Is it, because you consider prostitution to be morally reprehensible or is it, that you don’t consider prostitution to be morally reprehensible but it makes a man appear less attractive if he went to prostitutes because it probably indicates that he cannot be very attractive because if he was, he wouldn’t need to go to prostitutes? She definitely will not find out, because despite me, only one other good friend knows about his past.

[menina]

No problem. I wish my real name was Melina, it's so beautiful 😍 Neither. Plus, I would never judge a woman for being a prostitute. I just think it's not good to keep secrets from your SO, sooner or later they might find out. Ok, if that's the case your friend has nothing to be worried about.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@menina Sry i meant menina 🙈 Is menina your real name, or is it also not your real name? I am not sure if i understand you correctly: if you were his girlfriend, it wouldn't make him less attractive and you are not against prostitution, but you would still leave him if he told you? What would bother you then?

[menina]

Hahaha It's ok. Like I've said I like the name Melina. :) No, it's not my real name, I think nobody uses their real name on GAG. Yes, that's what I meant. I would leave him because he was lying to me. A relationship can't be made of lies. Trust is absolutely important.

[art_hoe]

like, yuh, tell her the truth, we stan an honest man, if it was past and he changed and he won't do that no more when he's with her he's good. like, i wouldn't like him no more if he got like a buncha girls like very fuckin night that's a rockstar i don't want a rockstar i want a man but like if he did it once when he wanted to lose his virginity its oki

[Tonytoutouni123]

Ok I see. Thanks for your opinion

[Katerina_Belle]

I think it depends on how the relationship is, there are some things that no one needs to know and tbh I haven’t ever asked my ex boyfriends how they lost their virginity but maybe that’s just me.
If he’s not comfortable telling her then he shouldn’t tell, he can just pick his words carefully and only say certain things. Like he could just say “it wasn’t really a relationship or anything, I just really wanted to lose my virginity” and then he could go on to describe how that was rather than go into about who it was with.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@Katerina_Belle Very good solution! Thanks for your opinion!

[Tonytoutouni123]

Sad that I cannot give you mho anymore..

[Katerina_Belle]

Oh no problem :) as long as what I said helps

[sexphobe]

There's a lot of stigma around prostitution so if I were him I'd probably tell a little lie just because most people seem to look down on sex workers, especially when most of the representation they get in film and tv is negative (picture a skinny blonde crackhead with bad teeth and smudged makeup). Of course it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me if my man lost it to a prostitute, but I'd probably lose a little bit of respect for him.

[Tonytoutouni123]

Thanks for your opinion!

[ThatQuietLass]

I voted wrong 🤦
It wouldn't matter. So long as it was safe and std checked and such.

[Tonytoutouni123]

Thanks for your opinion!

[Flower7]

It's not as common as you think for people in a relationship to discuss losing their virginity. It might not even come up and if she ever does ask him that, he should just say "I'd rather not talk about that. I'd rather keep our pasts behind us."

That way, he doesn't have to lie to her and also doesn't have to tell her about something he's not proud of.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@flower7 Wouldn’t that be a bit weird? His girlfriend would probably become even more curious and would always be wondering what has happened that he doesn’t want to talk about his sexual past at all. she would suspect something weird. By the way he is not ashamed or something,. He doesn’t regret going to prostitutes at all.

[Flower7]

If he's not ashamed of it, then telling his girlfriend about it shouldn't be an issue.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@flower7 He is not ashamed of it, but he could lose a lot of attractiveness. That’s why he consider lying.