Been seeing a woman a really like, but she wants us to have a "semi open" relationship?

[Anonymous]

Single about a year, been dating, but haven't found anyone I wanted to commit to, until about 4 months ago. I met an amazing woman, who checks a lot of my boxes.

But there have been red flags, the biggest one being her desire to try a somwhat open relationship. She has brought the subject up subtly a few times, I told her everytime, not with me, and if she wants that she would have to find someone else. I don't mind her with other women, but no dudes period.

Then about a week ago the topic came up again, and this time we had a more serious conversation. She wants us to be able to hookup with random people when traveling but not in our city, but she also wants us to be able to have threesomes with whoever in our city, as long as its together. But reiterates, that this wouldn't happen often, but also didn't put any limits on it when I pressed. She wants me to DP her with another guy, who she says can be anyone, but I know what she really wants is a black guy with a huge dick. That doesn't really bother me as much as watching her fuck another guy, it makes me sick. And would not be an activity for "us" it would be for her. Also, she admits she has never done this with bfs in the past. I am patient 0.

Last caveat to this. She thinks it is a given that she should be able to hook up with women whenever and however she wants, and while it doesn't fill me with jealousy or anything. It seems a bit unfair. Like just cause she is bi, she can hook up with other people. I am straight, so hooking up with guys does not appeal to me.

I have tried to not be judgmental, but these views do not align with my view of a wife and mother of my kids, which is my ultimate goal. I have told her this, and put my foot down. If you are with me, I am the only dick. She seems sad about it, but doesn't want to lose me. And needs more time to decide. What should I do here? It's starting to feel like this will be an issue even if she agrees with me. Should I cut her loose, or give her time?

[Barbaric]

Cut her loose.

Anytime a woman wants to have sex with other men it means that she's not completely into you and you're not her first choice. In an open relationship you'd be her boyfriend and they'd just be casual ONS/flings, so she'd give you the impression that you are, but you're not.

What's more, her attraction to you is directly tied to her level of respect for you. If she wants to have sex with other men that's a sign that she doesn't respect you and isn't as attracted to you as she is to those guys.

Especially since she keeps on bringing it up even after you've said no. That's a further sign of disrespect. Partly because of the above, partly because she's a slut, and partly because when you first said "no" you didn't show her that you meant business.

You've tried not to be judgmental - why? Being judgmental isn't a bad thing. The only people who think it is are people who have stupid ideas like this. Anybody who says "don't judge me" says it because they're doing or saying something stupid.

The biggest mistake you made was staying after she said it. You're kind of standing your ground, but she still has too much power over the decision. You're now still waiting for her to decide and leaving the ball in her court when you should be the one leading.

That's why she keeps on bringing it up, she still feels like she has it whether or not she does. And she kind of does because you're going into these explanations about "I don't mind this, but this I'm not particularly interested in and I think it's unfair". Instead of a simple "fuck no". Stop trying to understand her, you don't want it and that's all that matters.

It will be an issue even if she agrees to be exclusive. She's being honest with you now and I suppose that's a good thing, but what happens further down the line when she feels like she's been hard done by with you not allowing her to do this, and she's away, or you've had an argument or something? Can you trust her? Most likely no.

[AustinMan]

It sounds to me like one of two things is happening. One is you're wasting your time. She wants to party and you don't so move on. The other is that she's testing you to find up where you'll put your foot down. Have you ever considered a hot, hard bare bottom spanking to limit her activities?

[Anonymous]

I think you've answered your own question. This doesn't align with your idea of what you want, long term, and even short term, there are some deal breakers.

What I will say, is that she obviously trusts you enough to tell you this stuff, so that's a compliment to you. I think she's serious about you, but she wants to get this stuff on the table. I can understand you feeling it's a dealbreaker, but I think she's done the right thing bringing this up early, rather than further down the line, when you're more serious.

There are always two ways of looking at stuff like this, and I can understand both points of view. It just seems like you guys aren't compatible, unfortunately.

[laPrincesitaRoxi]

Leave, you two aren’t matching up and you clearly have to very different ideas on what a happy relationship is and from you saying you’ll be the first boyfriend she wants to do it with is alarming it could be she doesn’t have that “jealously” feeling with you because she likes you but not enough to care enough to respect you as a person to just want you and see you as enough.

[RemoErdosain]

She doesn't respect you. Do you want a woman like that, if I may call her a woman, to be the mother of your kids? I'd dump her on the spot. She can go look elsewhere for her first cuck

[Berethor]

That woman is a huge slut, so no much of a lost, she clearly not a wife material.

[Dargil]

This relationship has no future. Get out now.

[DavidFox]

Give her more time

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Her desire won't go away, it'll just go "underground" where you can't see it. I suggest you walk away and find someone compatible with your long term relationship goals. This will only become a bigger rift over time.

[Browneye57]

I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR dick. Well, maybe fuck her, but there couldn't and wouldn't be anything more. You'll be crying in your beer one day soon, I can guarantee it.

All this blather from your bimbo means she openly asserts that she can and will fuck any guy, any time, any place. You're simply a placeholder - it will never be anything more than that. No thanks. I'd tell her to buzz off. Maybe, blow me first. Dear god.

[scott04sa22]

Doesn't sound like both of you are compatible plus she sounds pretty slutty and spoiled. Also once you go black, you never go back. Meaning she'll always chase black guys and guys with big cocks. someday soon and quick she's going to start making excuses on stopping seeing you and leaves you for 2 black men that's what happen with my mom's ex's boyfriend. He was seeing someone like your woman then after she slept with the 2 blacks guys she fall for them then a few days later she dump my mom's ex boyfriend over the 2 black guys she slept with because that's what I'm seeing right here with your woman.

[KrakenAttackin]

At least she is being totally honest with you. She has pretty definitive sexual ideas so I doubt she would be happy confined to sex with just you. You can accept this or pass.

[In_Trance]

You should move on

[OddBeMe]

I get it. Maybe she’s testing you. Say you want to be exclusive, with occasional three ways - which you’ll film and upload to your friends on gag :)

[bulletbob555]

Well you don't have to marry her. She doesn't sound like it her plan. It may not fit in the box for you but could be a unique relationship that should be lived at least onceue relationship thatt

[Siavash_1990]

Yeah right. She is very amazing !!! Smh. Leave her. She is no good.