Is he being manipulative or passive aggressive?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy for several months, in a LDR. He seemed to me nice, caring and patient at first. However, I have found myself thinking about some of his actions that didn't make sense to me and seemed quite manipulative or just off. So I just needed to clear it up, maybe I'm the one overthinking.
For example, he's always so gentle and nice when he has to answer my texts or calls, in case he feels I'm drifting away, but he never does any real action or effort to maintain the relationship. He can say a lot of sweet and easy words, like I missed you, you are important to me... But never do an actual real effort to make me happy. In fact, he can say this and leave my message on read afterwards for hours.
Or, when we have an argument or I ask him for space, posting photos of another girl on his Instagram stories. When I confront him about this, he makes me feel like I'm the crazy one for inferring things from photos.
I also noticed he gets jealous easily and always tries to turn things against me. For example, let's say I explained him once about a guy at a job interview trying to flirt with me (without the goal to make him jealous), he immediately switched the conversation towards him, saying for example that it's a pity he can't come to see me now he's gotten in better shape thanks to the gym (to make me feel bad or jealous). He even got jealous of me masturbating once, while we were apart of each other, which was quite odd too.
I also noticed he tries to persuade me into doing things in the sexual life which I don't want to. And he does this in a such funny and naive way that one day I found myself almost agreeing.
So, when I started creating a puzzle with all these pieces I found that he is really really manipulative. But then I also started to think, maybe I'm the one who's overthinking? Maybe he just doesn't care about me I'm reality and does these things just because he wants to do them.

[RemoErdosain]

Your description is rather vague, so I'm not able to infer much from that. I don't see a manipulative person with just this information. It's natural of him to feel a little jealous when you talk to him about some guy flirting with you. Those things he wants you to do, it could just be that he's into them. It doesn't mean it's manipulation. Now, his posting pictures of another girl on his Instagram, that's shady, and you're right to suspect. I don't know exactly how he got jealous of you masturbating, but his getting jealous of you just masturbating is a warning sign, because it shows extreme unwarranted jealousy, and that's also a sign of a cheater. Leaving you on read sometimes shows lack of interest, and is also shady if he's your boyfriend, in my opinion

[Asker]

It's just I feel he likes when I'm the one reaching out, like he feels in control. When we talk on phone he always says: ok, text me later. But why can't he be the one who texts later? Once we met he said things (he said it was a joke) like: well, I only answer people quicker if they are important (hinting that I wasn't and smirking). Of course it was a joke, he said, but he wanted to create a reaction in me, that's why he kept staring at me smiling afterwards. And other things that make me feel he always trying to feel superior to me through manipulative and dismissing behaviour, alternating with sweet and caring words.

[RemoErdosain]

Sounds like a player. Not sure about how manipulative he is, though. You haven't shown me any signs of real control here. In a way, it's better that he lets you text him later. It gives you more freedom than if he texted you and then waited for an answer

[CoolGuyJoe]

Go with your gut whenever you feel like you're being manipulated, no matter what. You know your own values better than anyone else even if your alarm bells are entirely subconscious.

From what you wrote it's clear that you don't like what he's doing. From the way he shows affection to the what ends up bothering him, I'd say that no matter his reason, you should end things. How old are you and he? It's possible he's still young enough to not know up from down when it comes to a serious relationship. That or he's settled on his way of navigating things and will always be this way. The point is that another person is causing you some major brain funk and you're in no way obligated to take it.

As a side note people that are being manipulated almost always feel doubt for thinking in their best interest. It's a very common result of someone else enforcing their will on you in an underhanded way.

Cheers ✌️

[HollyK21]

You’re not overthinking, love. I know what it’s like dealing with an emotionally manipulative person, and that is so very bad for your mental health. He believes in what he says so much that you believe in it too, or you want to believe it at least. But always remember that words mean nothing if there are no actions to back them up. He could pull all the finessing on you that he can get away with, but if he’s not doing any of it, then what’s the point? You are so much better than that progressively toxic situation, and I’m sure you like him a lot, but you have to care about yourself more and protect your mind and heart at all costs. Please consider dropping him.

[Berethor]

What things exactly, how bad they are? yes he might be manipulative and not genuinely nice.