Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Should I seek therapy?

I'm not the person who seeks out attention. I'm going to sound super silly..
Before July, I met this guy. Recovering drug addict. My first thought was him being insecure. I could witness it in the body language and so forth. This guy ended up being a narcissist. Said things that flattered me. He didn't mean it. If he wanted to have sex and I said No, he got mad. He bashed my body sexually. My body language, moans, the way I orgasmed, so forth. He forcefully a few times.. grabbing my hand during cuddling, he wanting a hand job. Verbally hurling over here.. He left me as if I was nothing. He told his parents and friends about me.
I have the worst luck with guys. From the beginning to current. This whole thing started around August 31. I feel so low of myself. I feel as if I'm living the same day. I feel like I can't be happy.
I KNOW my family and friends are there for me. They know how I feel. The thought of having sex again, I can't do it. I can't think of affection or cuddling. Again, I'm hurling in disgust over here.. When I reached out to his ex... Long story, short. She told me I should be blessed that this lasted for only 2 months. She got PTSD from him. He verbally abused her. Hit her. Bashed her. She told me if I ever brought it up... She would give me living hell. I respected her.

It upsets me the most he can just live through today and act like nothing is wrong. While I feel so crumbled up into reality. We all have heart break. I've had it. But I never felt so LOW.
1 0

Superb Opinion

  • Therapy would likely do you some good, but either way, you need to realize that as bad and vile as he treated you, it was NOT personal and does NOT mean that any of the crap he said was true. I mean, you already know he treated other girls exactly the same way.

    Your only real "fault" here is that you chose a low-quality guy in the first place. A recovering drug addict? Did that not set off major alarm bells for you? Are you not aware that drug addicts and narcissists are strongly correlated? And that drug addicts are used to blaming everyone else for their problems, and rarely take responsibility for anything?

    If you're like a lot of women, you found him attractive because he was dangerous and not something you could control, and you found that exciting. Unfortunately, relationships with such people typically end up this way - that "danger" and bad behavior soon gets directed towards YOU.

    You need to recalibrate your priorities so that long-term compatibility is given a lot of weight, and "excitement" and "butterflies" are given much less weight.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Addicts and addict behavior.
    I was a drug addict and had done drugs for over half of my life when I finally reached the point of wanting to quit. So I know what he is doing. As an addict our behavior is me, me, me... And it is always your fault because if it is my fault then I have to do something about it. But, if it is your fault then I do not have tp change a thing because it is your fault. When an addict gets clean or stops using drugs his behavior doesn't change unless it has too. And for a while all who love him thinks it is okay as long as he isn't using drugs.
    This is wrong in so many ways because the same people who enabled him when he used drugs are now enabling him to continue his addict behavior "as long as he doesn't use drugs" it will be okay. This is why he needs to go to a 12 step program. AA or NA, I found AA to be better myself... They are people like him, me, that will notice his bull crap and call him out on it. They will make him look at himself and see the wreckage he is still causing in peoples lives.
    You may need to go to an Al-Anon meeting. It is for people like you who got caught up in the wreckage of a drug addict or alcoholic's life and bull crap. It is not your fault in any way, shape, or form... You are an innocent bystander that did not deserve for any of this to happen to you. You may need therapy but if you try an Al-Anon meeting and just talk to them. they are people like you that got caught up in the same kind of wreckage of someone they loved.

    • Hey Doll, Thank you so much for reaching out to me. Wow.. I do not know what to say. His behavior was ALWAYS focused on himself first. It was the whole me, me, me! Never myself. The times I was focused on himself, turned to be just me focused on him. I kind of lost myself here. I know he is doing A. A. Lord knows how long.. He told me he's been recovering for almost 1.5 years. Bless his heart, but part of me thinks that he may have relapsed on me. The last time I saw him, he was continuously freaking out on his mentor. He missed a call on his Mentor. To where his Mentor freaked out on him to where his parents wanted his Mentor's number.. I think something is just wrong.

    • Part of the 12 steps if you work the steps, Step 4 and 5 has him look at the part he played in all of this. When I worked those steps I had to write down all of those things and in step 5 admit them to another person. I was luck, my sponsor set me up with this American Indian who was in the program. He started out by doing a cleansing ritual the Indians do before going to battle. Then he put on some instrumental music and I started tell him all my stuff and he told me thing he did as well we talked for hours and when it was done I felt so much better getting those things out that I kept hidden inside for so long, It was those things I kept hidden away that kept me using drugs to forget them. But once out in the open they no longer had power over me. But there were a lot of people who didn't work the steps and did not want to tell anyone about their stuff. They didn't do drugs but were miserably clean and sober. They were asses to be around because they still had secrets they were holding inside.

    • You know if you ever want to talk I am here for you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yepp.


    My first boyfriend was like that. Wayy worse actually. I never sought therapy but masked it with drugs and alcohol for years and every new guy i met was always the same. Just started seeing a therapist 9 years later, and realized i was suppressing a lot of shit.


    Im not vulnerable or like talkibg about feelings either, but force yourself to. It helps a lot

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 8

  • I'm really sorry that happened to you. It sounds to me like he's a sadist, not a narcissist. I'd suggest you get some therapy to work on two issues. One is healing from this hurt. The other is to find strategies that will help you choose more wisely.

    Godspeed!!

  • I've had a lot of help with therapy.
    It might be a good idea for you.
    Best wishes.

  • It really depends how you feel. Are you feeling depressed? Are you going through a PTSD? Did you have a very bad childhood that is making you seek men like this? There are so many factors but one thing I could tell you is if you feel suicidal or cannot function then go seek help because help is out there.

    • I'm having days of recovering the best. I'm having a day.. just like today.. I'm feeling the absolute worst. I'm not directly sure what PTSD is. I have heard of it. I don't know the symptoms. I can't think of the fact to have sex with somebody else. To touch sexually.. Anything. I feel so disgusted and hurt. I know with everything I've been through. This is the worst case scenario. I have had a good childhood. I've grown up and traveled. I was in a household with two parents. One was a step dad who wasn't very close with us. He was strict, but he loved us. Just the military thing..

  • the way you are feeling right now is how a person with worth feels after something like this because you feel like all your worth has been taken away but the intentions is what decides if you are worthy or not, and your intentions here shows that you are a worthy person because your intention wasn't to just have sex, this guy lied and tricked you which means the guilty one with no worth is him, not you 💯

  • You can if you want to, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who listens.

  • Wait, a 2 month relationship? A forceful handjob? You indeed sound super silly!

  • After a guy like that, I feel like I should see my therapist just from reading about it. I hope you get the help you need. Stay safe and get well.

  • Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head.
    Counseling is the way to go.

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