My dad was born with a d*ck, but he is acting like a p*ssy. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I am 18 and I live with my dad and his girlfriend, Amber. My dad always sides with his girlfriend. When ever I show any type of initiative towards Amber, she gets aggressive. In the past, she has screamed in my ear, pushed me; she gets very passive aggressive. Like today, for example, I was cleaning and talking to my dad joking with him and Amber interrupts, telling me to be nicer to my dad. I gave her a sassy look (not saying a word) and she raises her hand in the air and aggressively mumbles “don’t you fucking look at me like that”; threatening to hit me. I put my earphones in because I didn’t want to listen to her (I’ve had a long day). She gets like that. Then I pause my music and she says “oh you wanna play that game? Well we will get even, you just wait”. I looked at my dad and, unsurprisingly, he says “welp, you asked for it.” He does this every time!! Amber treats my dad like shit, stays in her room 90% of the day, doesn’t work, starts arguments, yells and tells other people to be quiet, threatens to take shit away, etc... I used to think that I was in good standing with Amber but it just seems like everything is a cycle. Not saying I am perfect, but I feel like Amber is getting upset over everything and my dad doesn’t do anything about it. Amber has gained at least 50 lbs since quarantine, makes me do all the driving for my brother, and doesn’t step foot outside of her room unless it’s for food. I don’t know what to do, my dad needs to talk to her but he is too much of a pussy! He can’t even defend himself. I have had many mature convos with both of them, but, again, it’s like a cycle. I just want to move out already. How do I talk to my dad about this?

[Searlas]

This comment isn't meant to make you feel like a bad person, people do make mistakes, we are all human, the question is: whether you are open to alternative school of thought or understanding and understand you might be on the wrong path that need a change of direction.

Acting like a p*ssy? That is wrong, you have no right, it's his life, he's an adult, he chose to be with her, it's not your place to change that. You aren't him, and don't expect him to be you and see it how you see it.

You are still young and you will fight this because you think you understand but you don't no offense intended, once you grow older, with experience, you will understand how things are on the ground, like when roles are reversed for example. How it would be if you were in her shoes, how it would be if you were a boyfriend or girlfriend to a teenagers' father or mother, step father or mother who feels you are the wrong choice, he /she will disrespect you and make you feel unworthy to be with his or her biological father or mother. This is an issue to many step fathers or mothers (or boyfriends / mothers in the similar context) all over the world, its a matter of fighting for that 'space'. In some cases, when this happens, their partners choose to stand by them. This is exactly what is happening here, you dislike your fathers girlfriend and you are giving her hard time, she just fighting back for the space and your dad is standing by her so stop over thinking, overreacting and complaining.

The prefrontal cortex of an 18 year old is not fully developed until age of 25, give yourself time to learn and grow.

My advice: Your dads life if his, focus on yours, focused on college and building your career, build your life and support your dad, be humble, good to people, respect your fathers choices, respect your fathers girlfriend, respect is earned not given.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this :) this definitely helped

[Searlas]

Welcome. Similar to a how a flower grows incrementally, people also blossom in stages. As we age, we expand our knowledge of how the world works and how other people respond to our deeds. We also expand our communication skills in order to communicate both our thoughts and feelings. When things seem to fall apart, it's time to change strategy, its hard to do same thing repeatedly and expect different results. Take care.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Sounds like she's straight up a domestic abuser. I wouldn't be so quick to judge your dad and calling him a "pussy" to strangers on the Internet, if the genders were reversed people would be saying "oh she did nothing to deserve this awful treatment", but when it's a man on the receiving end, "oh he's just a pussy".

But clearly this bitch needs to go, and it sounds like her claws are pretty dug into your father. I don't know the solution, just try to remember that your dad never asked this woman to be this way, she is the primary disruptor in your household. Try to be patient with your dad, and don't hesitate to involve the proper authorities if this woman escalates her pattern of abuse. Maybe it would be better if he had a stronger backbone and told the bitch where to get off, but you could say the same thing about all the women who've gotten raped, like "oh you should've just fought him off harder", its a dangerous logic to go down

[Asker]

Thanks for your insight

[DrippingHoney]

You're 18. Leave and get your own place if you don't like daddy's girlfriend.

[Asker]

Easier said than done but thank you. I will probably be doing that in the next few months

[RHK36]

tldr, move out.

[Valnac]

You are 18, that’s old enough to move out.
I’d let the two of them stay clueless.
You seem to be the smart one in this situation.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

stop causing trouble ya rascal