Why do I have to be a pornstar in the bedroom to keep a guy around?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it’s just me or what but in the past year or so the men I’ve hooked up with (which has been 3 total) have been so incredibly demanding in the bedroom that I had to ask two of them to leave without even finishing the act. “Let me face fuck you” “Can I choke you” “You like anal, right?” And just a general rough demeanor all around. I’m not sure if it’s my age or if men are just relying on porn for sexual experiences more but I’m starting to get really bummed out. Anyone else experience this?

[centerline]

a lot of women want the man to take charge and let them know what he wants... this seems to be the norm, but not all women like what the man wants, so she needs to be able to speak up and say "that isn't something im ready to try"... just kicking them out won't get you anything except frustrated.

i agree that they could probably learn a better way of communicating these things to you so they dont seem like such of a jerk, but you also need to learn how to communicate your feelings to them without being so final about stuff. most people have the ability to learn, and some good friendship can be had if people were willing to learn how to communicate better, no matter if its at the bar, in the car, or in the bedroom...

when we find someone like you who doesn't like us to take charge quite so boldly, its not so much of a problem, but just a misunderstanding...
when 2 people hook up for sex, the sex can sometimes be just so-so... and sometimes it can be great, but almost always after they have sex a few times, it gets better if they have paid any attention to their partners likes and dislikes, and so the sex can be more "dialed in"... customized to fit your needs.

and yes, most guys who are active and have a life of their own, will prefer a woman who has pornstar skills, over one that has no ambition to be an active participant in the sack... so get with it and let him know what you want so he won't have time to be trying to do what you dont want him to do... we like sex in many forms, but we aren't mind readers ;-)

[Makeushiver]

You don't need too be a mind reader. It does help if you indicate when you like what we are doing, a particular practice, spot, or level of pressure. You should be an active participant The only way inexperienced guys are going to learn if they're in the right ZIP code when they give you head is for you to guide them. Any response is fine- I guess it isn't if it's all negative, but if he is trying actively to get you off one or more times at least let him know with body language or increased moans of pleasure when he goes down on you

[Anonymous]

I think that the idea that it's all porn teaching men to disrespect women is wrong.

I enjoy those things, but the reason I enjoy it and the only reason I started to try those things were because women asked me to. Not so much anal, but rough sex, choking, domination.

In fact a couple of them when I was more sexually experienced complained that I wasn't rough enough. They left eventually after cheating on me, and I assume it was because they weren't sexually satisfied because of that.

I dated and hooked up with more women, and of course spoke about sex with quite a few more I didn't end up doing anything with. I'd usually get into a conversation about likes and dislikes sexually. They'd all say that they liked it rough, being dominated. Every single one. So I just started doing that more and more to please them.

Point is, it wasn't something I was originally into, it came from the women. Even now I think I enjoy it mainly because I see how much she enjoys it. And because I've seen so much of that (from a lot more than 3 women) it actually seems quite strange to me when a woman says that she doesn't enjoy it - not that I'd ever try to force it.

I'd ask these women if the watched porn as well, and they'd say no, so it wasn't from porn for them either. For those women who do watch porn though, the number one searches according to statistics are "rough sex" and "hardcore". The fastest selling book of all time was 50 Shades Of Grey, and it wasn't men buying those books, it was women.

So most likely, those guys have been with girls who've enjoyed those things, had the same experience as myself, and just assumed that you like that stuff also. Perhaps it would be a good idea to get into likes and dislikes before you have sex with any guy, just to make it clear. Maybe also just don't go for idiots, because just springing it in you in the bedroom like that is obviously stupid.

[Opinion Owner]

When I was less sexually experienced*

[Asker]

Wait what. Are you seriously acting like 90% of people in their twenties don’t hook up? Ok dude. Whatever.

[Opinion Owner]

Where did you get that idea from? I never said anything about people not hooking up. I said that in my experience almost every woman I've hooked up or had relationships with wanted rough sex.

[Asker]

I miss read the last bit of your post, I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

I noticed that too with my sex partners. The thing is, a lot of men seem to make a big difference between "wife material" and "fuck material". I seem to be categorised in the latter group. Maybe because I'm a little curvier, because I have a big butt, large breasts, big lips or because I behave a little loose when I go out. I don't know what the exact thing is but I have the feeling a lot of guys (mostly the ones I feel attracted to) see me as only useful for sex. I'm not really into the most vanilla sex, but they are kinda demanding and I have my questions about it as well.

[AmandaYVR]

Yes, you go, girl. Tell 'em.
I'm married so I haven't experienced this personally (and I never did when I was in my 20s either. Guys were decent and nice sexually back then, for the most part) but based on what I'm hearing and reading, you girls and women are being majorly disrespected. Porn is altering many minds, normalizing things that all benefit the guy and his domination fantasies.
Say no. You should be treated better than that. (I'm so glad you asked them to leave.)

[MrOracle]

You have to understand that a lot of women want those things, and expect - even demand - that guys do them. That's why it is important to - you know - TALK about these things beforehand. Set some expectations and boundaries. It's not really hard to do, and then you don't have these issues in the heat of the moment.

Yes, there are some selfish jerks out there, but most guys actually want to please the woman they're with, so if she tells him what will please her, most guys will be happy to do so. If she has no input to give, though, then he's left to figure it out by himself, and that's going to lead to some awkwardness and boundary-crossing - it's going to be messy. You want neat? You have to set boundaries and expectations in advance.

[Makeushiver]

I think the internet has set a difficult standard. There is so much porn available and the girls who they film have hair and makeup artists as well as the ability to "correct" any imperfections in post-production. I think this is esp. common in guys who have had sex later in lie and get most of their sex with a PC

[Sonorous]

I could be wrong. But it could possibly be that there's a very good chance that... You're bad at choosing guys to fuck.

[Asker]

You could also be right haha.

[Sonorous]

You might just need to be straight forward with what you will not do. Like lay down the rules before sex

[BarryMcKohkner]

I have to give you mad props for knowing your limits. I don't think you have to be a porn star, just know your own personal limits and k ow that theirs are different. I know it can get quite graphic. If you have any further questions let me know, but that is the basic and probably best answer for you.

[Apope16]

You dont. Im not into that
I want intimate sensuality. Just date a different guy. You will find him. Dont worry! Its a numbers game. But be clear as bout what you want in bed

[Natehunter199]

Maybe they watch to much porn in their days🤷. But as for me, im a pretty simple guy. If you just make the attempt or show me any indication that your wanting to have sex with me. Im more then satisfied and dont need to make any special requests. Just nice know a woman actually wants to satisfy you sexualy. Forgot what that is like.

[fishlipsfriend]

You don't have to be a porn star to keep a man. If a man you are dating wants a pornstar in bed and you are not comfortable with that then you and him are not compatible.

[Bandit74]

3 is a pretty small sample. It's probably just the kind of guys you go for. Like if the guys you hookup with are good looking with dominant personalities they are probably more likely to want that kind of stuff and they are used to getting it so they have no problem finding another girl if you aren't willing to give them what they want.

[Warmapplecrumble]

Yeah I agree.

[Asker]

Yeah I disagree with that. I don’t go for guys with large, dominating personalities as that it a turn off for me.

[Browneye57]

Cuz they jerk off to porn. Maybe ask them ahead of time, save yourself the headache. Only porn addicts think all that depravity is real. LOL

[worldscolide]

you're choosing the wrong guys

[hellacray]

You're hooking up what are you expecting?

[Asker]

Honestly I’d expect that more with a man I was dating seriously.

[hellacray]

Ok so... What the guys you hook up with is supposed to be slow and gentle? I think you're kind of missing the point of guys wanting to hook up.

[Asker]

Well, considering I’m not a guy, I’d say you’re probably right. I’m not saying every guy has to want things slow and gentle but it would be nice to know that before we get to the bedroom as to not waste everyone’s time.

[hellacray]

Unless you work as a hooker and have a menu for people to pick and choose. They're just going to go with what they want. If there's things you don't want to do you should bring it up first. I mean guys are down with everything.

[Samantha_17]

Personally I have always been open to experimenting in the bedroom.

[Marie26]

It's spicy and sexy

[Wise4myage]

My guess is they are watching way to much porn, or spending too much time on sites like this one, lol. But hey, you use viewing porn as a guide to judge help you better judge the men you invite into your bed.

[TheFlak38]

if you don't have the courtesy to satisfy your man then get some cat food and a couple of cats and stay single.

[Kolkandanz]

I think those particular guys are weird. There’s got to be some guys out there that don’t want crazy stuff during sex. Just try a different fishing pond I guess

[COMMODOREII]

You shouldn't have to.

[pizzalovershouse]

Its cause some of these guys feel they can use you sense they get to just hook up

[Steve37]

That's not the norm. You are just agreeing to sex with the wrong guys.

[mrArcher]

Shit man, I'm sorry about that. I just wanna kiss your boobs and make lotta skin contact.
Sometimes guys let off a lot of repressed random fantasies.

[OddBeMe]

no one but your crackhead bfs say that.

[Asker]

Don’t have a boyfriend, but great.