Sexual Relationships
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Is there anything I can do about the fact that I thought I would be okay with my boyfriend wanting a stripper, until I realized I wasn't?

My boyfriend of 10 years recently told me he frequents a strip bar. He says he likes five bars and the guys - but obviously it is more than that. I have gone with him 3-4 times in the last month or so to try to be okay with it. We’ve talked about a threesome, but I’ve never been with a girl and I’m pretty jealous (which he knows). Last time we went he told me that one of the dancers was very sexy to him. I said really? Then I took his hand walked over with him and told her that he liked her. There is plexiglass around the stage. She literally moved the plexiglass aside and they were all over each other. I couldn’t take it. I grabbed my purse and left. He set me a couple of texts mad because he said I set him up and told me we were done. I tried to connect with him the days following with no reply. I honestly thought I would be okay - but I wasn’t. It was really more than I could take. I can’t get the visual out of my mind and I’m crushed. He hasn’t responded to me and I wanted to see if we could work through it - but the more time that passes the less likely that is. Is there anything I can do? I know I probably should have never walked him over - but honestly I didn’t expect for it to escalate like that and for me to be that upset. Help.
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Superb Opinion

  • The problem here is either:

    1. Maybe you just didn't know yourself well enough to realize how you would respond. But you are over 45 years old and you should know yourself rather well by now. You should know how jealous you are and you should know how possessive you are.

    2. Maybe you just didn't want to admit - either to him or to yourself - that you are jealous and possessive. Why? Because those are awful traits?

    If my partner said, "I want you to go have sex with another woman," I would probably leave her. I ant somebody who is absolutely committed to monogamy and would not be happy with anything else. AND. . . if a girl tells me to go have sex with someone else, maybe she is trying to clear the way so that she can go have sex with somebody else.

    There is some pressure on all of us to not admit that we are human and that we are imbued with traits that some see as negative. We get told that we should try to remain friends with out exes. I say BS. It's over, put it behind you, and move forward. We get told that we should be accepting of our partner and not place any limitations or restriction on them. BS. That is not what a relationship is about. If a girl is dating me and wants to go have sex with another guy, okay, go do that, have a nice life, been good knowing you, good luck, I pack your stuff up and drop it off at your house tomorrow.

    Did you do this because you thought it was what you needed to do to make him happy or keep him satisfied? Or did you think this is what a "modern" woman does?

    • Hi. All good questions. You are right in what you are saying to me - although it sucks. I know I’m jealous - but it’s only because I want to be appreciated and loved by him. I don’t want to be an “option”. Truest, I probably did it because I knew he wanted it and I was attempting to be ok with it. At the end of the day - if he wants to be with me I want him to just want me. Not anyone else. That’s what I give him so I want the same in return. I allowed it to happen and I regret it but I can’t change it. I thought he wanted it so I wanted to not be possessive. That’s why I left. If he was that comfortable I couldn’t sit there and watch. Yikes. What a mistake. Thanks for your honesty.

    • Don't be afraid to be yourself! There's nothing wrong with who you are. What you are describing about yourself is exactly what I want in a woman, and many other guys feel the same way. I don't want a woman who is waiting at home for me. . . unless she is hooking up with someone else tonight. And she needs to know that I am coming home to her every night. EVERY night. If some guy tries to flirt with her in my presence, he is going to hear about it from me. Some jealousy and possessiveness tells us how much we are wanted and appreciated. This incident probably exposed that this guy was not all that dedicated to you and just you, so maybe the result was inevitable. Learn a lesson, be more confident in yourself, don't apologize for who you are and what you want, and go find a guy who wants you because of who you really are!

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you both are dumb. He shouldve encouraged you and her to play together and let you both lead the way to a threesome, you probably wouldn't have been so upset then.
    He should get over it, its not like we live in a world where women dont change their minds or easily get in different moods... he needs to man up and apologize to you.
    Threesomes are wild and require a lot of trust, i think he isn't as jealous but then again how would he react if you wanted another guy brought in for a threesome, would he get jealous.

    • Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate your honesty.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He sounds like a right knob head, if you aren’t comfortable he should respect that just like I’m sure you’d respect it if he didn’t like you always going to male stripping events. He is over reacting completely, you two are together ffs x

    • Thanks. What is ffs x?

    • It means “for fuck sake.” I think the only thing you did wrong was walk him over but if he can’t accept that apology then he isn’t worth it honestly x

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 9

  • He shouldn't have gone to strip clubs to begin with and secondly you should have been more clear in how you felt about it.

    Also those strippers don't want him they want his money so of course they try to encourage them to spend money on them. So no need to be jealous of that but I think he doesn't respect the fact that you value monogamy and he wants to explore other ventures.

    I don't know what you should do but I personally get the feeling that you two have different values.

    • We certainly feel differently about what this relationship is. Clearly. But now he ended it and I need to just be happy I experienced this because he obviously wasn’t all into me. He wanted more with others. Probably has been with others.

    • Who knows don't think too much about it. I hope you can find someone who has the same values as you and always say how you feel about something moving forward otherwise you will end up doing things or allowing things that hurt you.

  • Bottom line you’re allowed to change your mind. He should respect your decision regardless.

    • Thank you. I agree but unfortunately he turned this into him being hurt and mad vs. appreciating my feelings and so once again I feel like it is my fault completely. Ugh. I’m so sad.

    • Sorry that’s not right. I can understand him being upset and confused but he should still be able to see it from your perspective. Don’t worry, definitely not all your fault. The fact that he wants to do that and thinks it’s ok is an issue in itself.

    • Thanks. Unfortunately he has cut off contact with me so we will never resolve this one. Thanks for your words of support. It’s been a rough week.

  • Help with what the whole situation is retarded and shows neither of you thought what could have hapoend if you know you are jealous by nature you should never of let this happen

    • I know. I agree. I should have never allowed myself to be in that situation and messed up.

    • That it is what do you see going from here tho

  • Let him go, not worth your trouble, seems he never respected you or your feelings anyway.

    • Sad but probably very true. Ugh. Heartbroken.

    • Sorry to be so blunt but it sounds like you deaerve better

    • Thank you and no problem about being blunt. I knew I would have some of that feedback because deep down I know that’s true. That being reinforced is actually good for me. Thanks.

    • Show All

  • If it's not your thing and he knows this and willing to jeopardize 10 years. Honestly I would b posses the fuck off. Wasted 10 of my life and now this? It's not going to stop.. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

    • Thanks

    • You're welcome

  • I get the feeling he was trying or hoping you would into her enough to want a threesome, and he likely set this up beforehand.

    • That has crossed my mind too because it certainly didn’t seem like it was uncomfortable. He even had me switch chairs with him earlier. Probably to see when she went on. I just couldn’t take it.

    • Yeah, and the way she seemed so eager to join him.

  • Tell him. If you two have been committed for 10 years, he doesn’t need a stripper, especially if it hurts you. Think of it like this:


    If after 10 years this man’s built a mansion, why would he want to live in a barn?


    Truth be told, he sounds like an absolute tool if he needs the company of strippers over his girlfriend of 10 years.

    • Thank you. I’m just crushed. I know I shouldn’t have assumed I was okay with it but I just didn’t know and it was much more intimate than I anticipated. I am destroyed.

    • I understand completely. 10 years is not some casual fling, so it’s understandable that you’d be feeling how you are. I don’t want to tell you anything that would alter the course of your journey, but I would definitely start with telling him that you’re not ok with it. I wish you the best!

  • Lesson learned!
    If you had told him you were not alright and kept to it, you’d still be together.
    But you played with his emotions and burned him.

  • Excepting ones feeling is most important and if he walked away so fast he wasn't for you in any way. Heal your heart sweetheart and get back out there and spread your angel wings again and fly free till you find your prince..❤❤❤

    • Thanks. I’ll try. It’s been pretty difficult. I am struggling.

    • If you would like to email we can your choice. Pantyloverr@aol. com Please dont beat yourself up or feel bad dear❤❤

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