Fear of sex is ruining my life?

I am 25 and virgin. No one can understand my fear of sex, of pain, of having something inside me.
People take it as a joke because I look good and Im asked out pretty often and even though I am introverted with only 3 -4 friends, I am not shy and can talk about anything with anyone.
I want a family, I want children one day but this is ruining my life. What to do?
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Superb Opinion

  • You want children one day, so should like you afraid of sex more than you afraid of childbirth, commonly it's the other way around, sex is nothing in comparison to childbirth, even if the guy have a big penis, a baby is still bigger, so you think that you can handle giving birth but you don't think that you would be able to handle having sex? it does not makes much sense. The fact that you a virgin actually makes you more valuable to some guys, the problem is that you plan to stay virgin for life, and in that case most guys would not want to be in a relationship, because you can't satisfy your guy with that attitude, so how are you going to keep him from cheating and/or leaving? you would rather have your guy put his something inside other girl? and when you say that you not say, do you mean that you also don't shy about nudity? so your "only" issue is with the technical aspect of PIV? not gonna lie, you would likely feel pain in your first time, as you still have hymen and never done it before, but next time should not be painful anymore, and really it's not like you never had painful experiences in life. I believe that you main worry should be about doing it with the right guy and not with the wrong guy, so you don't end up being used, and if you wait until marriage it's a good way to make sure, also you already 25, so you might as well go big or go home, you better start looking for a relationship that involve marriage and children, and not "only" sex. You say that you good looking, so it be a waste if you would not have a husband and children don't you think? :)

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NatureAdoresAVirgin

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MyBiologicalClockIsTicking

    • WhaaaaaaaAaat? 1. Childbirth doesn't have to be natural. A lot of women dont give birth through vagina 2. Just show me, I beg you , where did I say I wanna stay virgin for life?

    • So you want to have a caesarean section? even if you able to give a natural birth? women that have it are usually women that have physical problem, not psychological problem, though there is some women who do that because a psychological problem. You didn't said that you wanna stay virgin for life, but if you don't overcome your fear of sex then you going to stay virgin for life, and likely single for life as well, as there is very few men who would give up on PIV. I am trying to help you, I was showing you why you fear is irrational for the most part, especially considering that you don't seems to have much problem with the concept of childbirth.

      tvtropes.org/.../ImAManICantHelpIt

Most Helpful Guy

  • I love this question because I've never really thought about it this way this deep ,, I do have to think about it when I do have sex but I've never though that deep about it as far as I have thought about it is that I want it to be good for her I want to do it so she wants to do it again so I make it all about the girl and in most cases in very very slow motion for me a person's eyes tell me everything and when making love of fucking or having sex I am focused on everything but mostly her eyes the way she breaths her moans the color of her cheeks and the way she moves because all of that tells me what she wants or doesn't want with out saying a word I don't know how you would get over thst fear except talk about it I have had girls say no way we are doing anything that's going to hurt and all I can say is like a dummy let's see lol then I say if it does we will stop this is where it's not the size it's how you do it comes in to play I love to become one when having sex fucking or making love it's very important to me that the girl I'm with feels that and no matter what I make it about her ,, I love your question or your thoughts because it has made me think in a deeper way I mean I've have been there and think about it every times I have sex but you just took me to a new place and I thank you who ever your with you have to let them know your fears and hope that he makes it all about you

Most Helpful Girls

  • The most important thing in this is for you’re first time to be with someone you’re comfortable with. My first time and every time has just been with guys I’m casually dating although my first time I was friends with the guy for a bit so I wasn’t uncomfortable. In you're case it’s best to wait until you meet the right person who can understand you and make sure it’s pleasing for you. Definitely don’t go for a guy who you barley know and who you aren’t close and comfortable with. When you find the right guy there’s less fear.

    I will be 100% honest that it did hurt my first time, only a bit and only for like 20 seconds but most of my friends say it didn’t hurt them at all. Now I’ve had sex many times and it feels great! Listen to podcasts about it maybe? I do think talking to people helps also. I hope this helped if you want to talk you can private message me xx

  • What does looking good have to do with fear of being impaled ... what kind of dumb friends do you have. Surely one or two can understand if you explain. I think it is a common concern. I’m still not into it l. I prefer other sexual activity to intercourses, and i am not having kids. Not through birth.

    Now, In your case you want those things so why not just slowly stretch stuff yourself so you don’t need to worry about it. Talking to a sex therapist met help. Or read up on Sex without fear ~~ tons of books on the subject they few have you how to prepare your body for sex, so it isn’t traumatic. 💗💗

    • Did you say you weren’t into sexual intercourse?

    • @justsimpleguy I’m not into it yeah I prefer other sexual activities I just don’t like stuff inside me.. It’s not my thing. But I’m not asexual or anything. And I find ways to get into time to time so it’s not like it’s banned just not preferential tern it comes to “ sex”

    • When*

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 42
  • You could always use sex toys on your self. Start small and slowly get bigger until it’s no longer painful. Maybe grab a bottle of vodka for that first time!!
    “to drink I mean”!🤣

  • Sex therapist.

  • Well you got coitophobia. Better get a therapist

  • It is normal to have fear but don't get so much into it. Let it come let it haolening without forcing it. You are not one with that kind of fear. Don't think to much about it you will be fine when they day comes with the one you want to have it. The more fear you got the more your psychological system will play you so bad that in the noght when you lost your virginity you can even enjoy it because your brain is playing you. So don't go into that so much relax chill trust me you will be fine. A lot of qomen even nearly over 94% got that fear this is normal but there will be nothing to fear about.

  • Why you scared?

  • That isn't right to treat you so You have every right to feel as you do Why do you feel the way you do do you think I'm listening Not laughing or taking the mick just feel you deserve to be heard

  • Get help. Most people can't understand a lot of mental things but in psychology they know about pretty much every mental problem you can have. I can't help you myself.

  • Have you considered talking to a professional counselor?

  • I have been terrified of having sex all my life! At almost 24 I met my now hubby. He proposed and we had sex 6 months after that. So like 5 months before marriage. Wait for someone you love and they’ll go slow and help turn you on where you won’t be so scared. I was hyperventilating before he went in. It hurt because I was so nervous. I cried. Second time though I was ready and it was amazing!

    • Trust goes a long way!

  • I am not trolling you. Have you "walked the bases" otherwise?

  • Do you believe you have an unusual anatomy?

    Do you think sexual intercourse is pleasurable for most women?

    Do you masturbate?

    Are you physically attracted to men, or not?

  • Sex doesn't always need to be about penetration. I can totally understand your fear.
    Hinestly i dont like penetration at all. Its painful and agressive to me. I prefer all the other kinds of sex

    • It's called foreplay.

  • Have you ever attempted to have sexual intercourse? If not, what makes you think it's going to be painful?

  • Ever had a steady boyfriend? Let him win ur trust.
    Trust me. If the guys you go on dates with don't want to stick around u because of ur fear of sex, well don't feel bad.
    Eventually you will run into one that wants to stick around and wait while getting ur trust.
    Then he can "experiment" very slowly with you at your pace.
    That's the keeper!

  • take it slow, dont just straight to it all at once

  • See a shrink. Your family doctor can make a referral. This definitely isn't normal, and they can help you sort through your feelings, what is real and what is imagined.

  • You have to start by identifying the source of the fear. People spend a lot of time freaking out about sex for totally different reasons, so once you have a clear explanation for feeling the way you do, you'll be able to confront that particular reason

  • Do less, but do it.

  • I used to fear sex too. I was afraid that it would hurt, physically and emotionally. But if you read up on ways to make it less scary, you’ll be fine. P. S. The secret is finding someone who not only understands that it’s your first time, but also wants more than just sex. By the time I found “that guy”, I was more excited than afraid. Good luck, and don’t be in a hurry.

  • did you have a bad experience regarding sex? if so you could consider getting therapy. if you're not too scared of doing stuff to yourself you could get something to stretch a bit and when you get a partner it won't be too painful

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