Is he intimately connected with other girls?

[Quesy]

I have been married for 2 years now and I noticed from the begining that my husband love watching porn. He gives remakes of how I should be doing certain positions in bed. I was clear for the begining that I do not have a lot of sexual experience in my past before we got married and he told me he will teach me. He also said porn will stimulate our sex life its normal for a lot of guys to watch. I was not ok with it and told him so but he convinced me its ok. It never sat well with me. As we progressed I realized that he doesn't only watch porn but he also has secret online accounts where people exchange videos of themselves masterbating and even had some girl's naked body on his whatsapp. I was modified and I had a serious talk with him. He promised to stop and for sometime he did stop so I think, however he continued but now he has been more careful, by creating a secret account that i do not have access to. I still caught him and told him I will not have conversation with him anymore and will be taking action. One of his online cyber girl messaged me with info of his account, so I probed and found videos images of girls sending him intimate videos and he sent his video masterbating too. He said he noticed that he has issues with porn and also sexting. Now that we pregnant I thought he won't attempt to do it. I told him we can still have sex while im pregnant in my second trimester as my first I was very sick. He did only a couple of times. Later he gave me an excuse that it won't be ok as my belly was getting bigger but to my surprise he has had an outburst of sexting other girls and watching so much porn. Im just very broken inside I wonder if im losing it or if its me who has an issue. Im even starting to think that he prefers sexting n masterbation n watching porn. It makes me think he has never been sexually satisfied in our 2yrs together in marriage n now he can explore even more as I have fatigue n now in my third trimester.

[CallMeDave]

That's a difficult situation to be in. What you describe certainly doesn't sound good to me. I'm not too concerned about the porn. As long as he's willing to have sex with you on a regular basis and most of the time that you want to, I don't think that's really a problem. Perhaps he has a higher sex drive than you do or your schedules don't allow you to have sex as often as he feels that he needs it. As long as he's available to you for sex most of the time that you want it, I don't think him watching porn as a supplement is necessarily a problem.

I think exchanging intimate videos with other women is a different story though. I don't think that two-way interaction of a sexual nature with another woman is good. Porn is just watching a mass distributed video with no direct interaction between him and the people in the video and so is not really personal. One on one interaction seems much more personal to me and I would view that as a violation of his intimacy bond with you.

My opinion is that you have every right to be upset about that and I do not think that there's anything wrong with you for feeling very hurt and upset.

Unfortunately, my guess is that it's not going to change either. Even though he might be attracted to you and even love you, it doesn't seem that he feels any need to be faithful to you in terms of sexual interaction.

If you had no children with him, my opinion would be that you should probably leave him unless he changes his ways immediately because it's not likely that he'll change and it's hard to imagine you being happy with the situation as it is. Being pregnant with his child makes things a lot more complicated though. Being a single mother full time or even sharing custody 50/50 with him can be quite challenging. But living with someone that you don't feel is fully committed to you would be pretty difficult too. I don't envy you having to make the decision about what to do.

[Quesy]

Thays why i waited two years hoping he will change and I thought and believed he did. However it seems like you're right he doesn't feel the need to be faithful when it comes to sexual interaction. I found that he has multiple partners n one girl of the girls video seems to be recurring all the time. He says he has a high sex drive but its very funny to me that one round makes him super tired and he sleep just after one round. I will be there asking if we can have several rounds in a day. I came to a conclusion is that its not a high sex drive but its just a habit that he has watching porn! Plus im very intimate n he is not. He is only intimate only if he wants sex otherwise he won't even kiss me frequently. I complained about it. I jist feel porn had made a lot of people believe that it only starts in bed and once its done thats it. I had to teach him a few things that I need too to make me feel like a woman not a whore. I told him whore you pay them to do the work and once its done thats it we spoke about it and he changed abit. I feel like men have a misconception of what they see on TV n how it should be in real life 🤗

[Berethor]

It's not just because porn, it's not unusual for men to be more sexual than emotional.

[Berethor]

Most guys are watching porn, and it's not a big deal, you should treat it like you treat other movies, and don't be overjealous. He can easily prove you that watching porn is okay by telling you that he okay with you watching porn as well. Now sexting is different, unlike porn actresses, he actually talk with those girl, and that talk is not just on a friendly level, and he would likely not be okay about you sexting with other guys, so yea sexting is closer to cheating, but that said it still not as bad as if he had sex with those girl in real life. If you was always made yourself available before you got pregnant then it's not about his being sexually unsatisfied, and you told his that you ready to satisfy him even while you pregnant, so looks like it's mostly about him being greedy. Did you found out about the sexting before you got pregnant? and yea now that you pregnant it's complicate things.

[Quesy]

I feel like him going back to those girls to the point that one reached out to me and told me. That's very humiliating for me. I dont think ots close to cheating it's actually cheating. What I found is evidence of his greediness because it happened before I got pregnant n we spoke about it seriously and had a mediator then now im pregnant it has happened again. This is why I think for him its jist a habit that he has had before we got married but I never new about and its just continuing. I feel like its pay back time

[Berethor]

What pay back exactly? first things first, you should separate between porn and sexting, talking about porn could make your point weaker. As I said technically porn is just movies. If your husband is sexting with other girls is not okay, I am not sure if it counts as actual cheating, it might, though as I said it still not as bad as if he had sex with those girl in real life, sexting is similar to him flirting with other girl, though it more than flirting, but less than sex, and less than kissing for that matter. If you consider his sexting with other girls as actual than why you forgive him for that last time? and why got pregnant with his child, you know something that going to bind you to him more than marriage. You got pregnant only after 2 years of marriage, so don't tell me that your pregnancy was unplanned. Also did he stopped doing it before you got pregnant and got back to it because your now lacking sex life, or he never stopped? and you not going to be pregnant forever, so maybe it's just a period hardship that is going to pass. Yes your husband sexting with other girls might be humiliating, but being a single mom can also be humiliating, and it not exactly easy to find a new relationship as a single mom, so you better also take this into a count, now that you not "only" married but also pregnant.

[Berethor]

I mean "if you consider his sexting with other girls as actual cheating than why you forgive him for that last time? and why got pregnant with his child, you know something that going to bind you to him more than marriage".

[Quesy]

So you basically telling me to forgive and think hard about my decision. Worst thing is that I found out one of his online girlfriend they hv been actually together for sometime n she lives in New York Last month he went to New York even with all this pandemic. Im jist wondering if they met. Its just very deep than just sexting.

[Berethor]

How you found out about all those things? you can be a detective, but you still found about those things little too late, after you been marred to him for 2 years and now that you pregnant in your second trimester, so yea it's going to be a hard decision, if you can forgive him and tolerate his behavior it's up to you, but to think that it would be easy to leave him at this point is obviously not true. The thing is that you start mistrusting him before you got pregnant with his baby, then why didn't you use birth control until you was feeling more sure about your relationship, as I said having a baby with him bind you to him more than sex and marriage, for better and worse. Yes if he had sex with his "online girlfriends" then it more deep than just sexting, because it would mean that he has a side chick in real life, and it crazy if he go visit her even despite all the pandemic at going on in New York.

[AustinMan]

If you can get that down to the Reader's Digest version, I'll gladly opine but that's too long. Use short paragraphs.

[Avicenna]

That’s a serious problem. See if he’ll go to counseling

[Iron_Man]

Go to professional counselor both of you

[Quesy]

I suggested that before he was not up for it. This time I think if he says no then I will be walking out of this marriage

[Iron_Man]

I’m sorry to hear that. But this is his wake up, call

[Berethor]

@Quesy walking out of this marriage with a child not going to be easy, and he likely knows that.