How can I ever trust men around children again?

[Anonymous]

I was molested when I was 12 by my brother and basically grew up with the mindset that sexually touching and grabbing each other in a family was normal. I also grew up in a cult where asking an underaged kid about their sexlife was common to determine if they were sinning.

I also grew up with family members who experienced their fathers molest them and sexually abuse them.

I still have a warped and twisted view on men and kids, and I cannot ever imagine feeling comfortable leaving my future daughter alone with her father/my partner or even her brothers. I wouldn't want them to bathe her, clothe her or touch her in any strange way. That's one big reason why Im considering never having kids. Even though I love my family I don't tryst anyone.

[RickPen]

My grandmother sexually abused me, had me perform acts, or performed them on me, from 2 years old until moving away from her when older.
As a preteen I was molested several times by a school faculty member, and another one in high school. At age 19, I was drugged and raped by an ex schoolmate.
My mother was an abusive narcissist, villifying normal sexual desires as evil, which only depends that damage. I broke contact with family, and speak out about my experiences. You are not alone.

As a whole, I distrust people, especially women. What's worse is that society doesn't care if a man is the victim, neither does the law.

[Asker]

It's awful... I don't know what to do... Therapy is so expensive and regardless of how much help you get it never really disappears from your mind. There are so many gross people out there and even though I get therapy, it doesn't change how other people are. If anything good came from it, maybe it's that I learned not to trust anyone, even family. Everyone looks nice and innocent on the outside, but there are so many monsters we don't know about.

[Asker]

Im also so sorry that happened to you. Im glad we aren't alone in this world.

[RickPen]

It is most definitely awful, and those are scars, even if the wounds close. I saw no real help from the little therapy I could afford, and was refused group therapy because my problems were "too deep." Our country has a problem with supporting victims in their emancipation from the past. If you have someone in which to confide, even if it's a throwaway online account, sometimes just telling the stories helps. It has for me. Breaking contact with family was very difficult, but has also proven healthy. I no longer forced to relive the past. I'm sorry this happens to anyone. It ruins a life.

[EclecticEmapath1111]

Have you ever explored any sort of sexual abuse/trauma therapy? As a sexual abuse survivor, I used to feel the same way as you do and I struggled to trust or feel comfortable around men and harbored many negative thoughts about men and would sometimes become afraid when I saw men interacting with children before I tried therapy and support groups for survivors like me. Believe it or not I actually formed some strong friendships with men there and felt supported by other men who were also raped and sexually abused as children too. If you really struggle with these feelings and beliefs and mistrust with men, please consider trying some kind counseling or support groups to help you to get a better quality of life and peace. Not every man out there is a predator and you would be surprised to find out how many of them are also former abused children too.

[Anonymous]

Firstly I want to say I am so sorry for what you went through I hope one day those who hurt you get punished

Have you been able to get therapy with a psychologist I really feel this is something you need

[Snowman666]

I am so sorry that happened to you. You should get help from a proffessional theripist to help you process all that has happened to you. Get a gun and learn how to use it well, or take a jujitsu class. Anything to help you get back your power. I wish you the best in your life and pain to those who wronged you.

[DCooper]

Just don't have kids. Simple.

[maxdoesss]

These men are a minority. Just make sure you find a good man

[ttnnkkrr]

correct. unfortunately birds flock... so what you experienced only seemed common because of the group you were born into

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow. I'm really sorry that happened to you. That's terrible.

I will just say that your fears are rational, and if you want to keep males away from your daughters or even not have kids at all, then that is completely understandable and I don't think anyone should give you a hard time about it.

[jeremy_09]

most men are not like that

[COMMODOREII]

You need to see professional help

[jasco]

Honestly you can't just expect all men to be like this and thats your problem but i understand why you have it tho. You need therapy and you need to get your inner demons settled down before even thinking of getting into a relationship let alone kids

[Twalli]

First of all weird touching is concerning. Your problem seems to be that you can't differentiate weird and harmless touching.

[Valnac]

You could probably use some counseling.
I would never think about doing that to children.
That’s disgusting!

[9Livezzz]

Sounds like you should see a therapist. I'm sorry that happened to you

[jirwin7979]

i was raped and beat bad by a man my sis ex and now i am very uneasy around men dont trust em at all

[jacuzzi75]

i'm so sorry you went through that. there are good men out there that will respect you and how you feel about it. just make sure they are the right guy.

[Anonymous]

Ya for sure. Most guys are nice and will respect you and wait until you are ready to go physical.