Does my boyfriend ignore my needs?

Question

I need some advice, because I’m not sure anymore. My boyfriend (my ex boyfriend now?) argued, beacause he doesn’t want to use condoms. He says he doesn’t feel good using them and I can’t use birth control, so it is a problem.

We do it without condoms sometimes, but I’m so worried that I get pregnant, that I can’t relax, that’s why I can’t get wet and orgasm. I feel stressed, but when I told him about it, he said I’m overreacting. He told me, he is older than me and more experienced and he knows when to stop and I shouldn’t worry. I told him that it is very important to me, because I don’t feel safe (mentally safe), but he doesn’t understand at all.

He is sweet most of the times, but sometimes I feel like my needs are not important for him and for me those are the basics.

So tell me please what do you think? Am I really overreacting? Would you break up with him if you were me? Im starting to feel guilty

knottywriter · Accepted Answer

I am going to be the one to say there is definitely a wrong occurring here. The fact that your boyfriend is disrespecting your wish to wear condoms is downright pathetic on his part and honestly emotionally abusive due to the anxiety and stress it is putting on you. I think most all of us (women included) agree that we prefer to go raw of course because it feels better. The problem here is he is ignoring a request that is simple for his own personal benefit and clearly not taking into consideration your feelings. They make some thin condoms that definitely feel better these days and while not perfect is better than nothing to make you feel both physically and mentally safe. If he doesn't care about your safety, your mental health, or quite frankly making sure he takes care of your physical needs and pleasures you in a way that respects you and your relationship, then run away now. You don't deserve to not have your own needs met just for the sake of his selfish need. I could go on about this but don't want to make this too long so if you want to continue to hear me rant about his disrespect of you and your relationship feel free to message me. But I would be concerned beyond this if he doesn't respect you with something as simple as wearing a condom, what else does the future hold for you that tears your mental health down even more? Anything like this though should have both parties in agreement and on the same page. If you want condoms, he should wear condoms. Period.

aftermydemise · Accepted Answer

"We do it without condoms sometimes, but I’m so worried that I get pregnant, that I can’t relax, that’s why I can’t get wet and orgasm. I feel stressed, but when I told him about it, he said I’m overreacting"
.

"He says he doesn’t feel good using them and I can’t use birth control, so it is a problem."

I think you just answered your own question right there. If he's making you feel guilty about doing something that you're not comfortable with, and he's not acknowledging your feelings, and taking them into consideration, that sounds like a huge red flag to me. Makes me wonder if he listens to you at all. Doesn't sound like the best person to be with.

Someone that cares about you would acknowledge your feelings, and not make you feel guilty.

Are you happy in this relationship?

Hangry22 · Accepted Answer

You didn't over react. You did the right thing. Using birth control may pose harm to some girls while using condoms will not pose a threat to a guy's health. He is just being selfish about sex

AustinMan · Answer

Sounds like you may need to move on to someone who'll be more considerate of your needs.

ohshee · Answer

he's older so he know more. OMG A Barbie doll know more lol sorry but it's a 50/50 chance
And same with you 50/50 chance it will happen
And since he's your ex it's a 100 % chance if you get pregnant he's not going to be there because he's not there now

BarryMcKohkner · Answer

You should not feel guilty whatsoever. Of course sex without condoms feels amazing. However, it is your body and you want to use protection of some sort if you're going to have sex at all. I hate using condoms, but I use them until I'm comfortable enough with someone to not use them. I also understand why you don't want to use birth control, it messes with some people's bodies. At the end of it all, if a guy is not willing to respect the fact that you want him to wear protection than he shouldn't get any. As a man, it is our responsibility to wrap up.

summiter · Answer

If you do not want an STD or to be a mommy for the rest of your life use a condom every time. If he does not like them... too bad tell him all he will get from you is handjobs. It is YOUR body not his... take care of it. Tell him no condoms means no sex. If he does not like it dump him he is not worth it if he does not care about your health. How often are you having sex with him?

Berethor · Answer

Incompatibility, one of you was going to not enjoy sex, whatever you do. It's common for guys to prefer bare sex, it's not common for girls to not be able to used pills, also looks like he was okay with the "risk" of you getting pregnant, and considering that he is older than you it make sense, though you in your late 20s, so you clearly not too young to become a mom.

boggboss · Answer

Its simply somthing you both felt differnt about there is no objective right or wrong

GingerGuy · Answer

I would consider a break up in this case yes. This is something major that will be a constant issue in your relationship. Not just with sex now, but other things. He doesn't take your needs/fears etc seriously. Even if he thinks you're over reacting, he should respect it regardless and he doesn't. You've even told him how important it is to you and he ignores it. He also needs education on pregnancy lol. It's not about knowing when to stop necessarily. He has just been lucky to this point. So what else is he going to think you're "overreacting" about that you think is important? This is a major issue. He needs to see/understand that and he can't. Does he even want to try to understand where you're coming from? It sounds like a major difference between you and one that I think will be a constant one if the relationship is to continue. So unless he wants to work on it with you, then yeah, I'd consider it being a deal breaker for sure.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

He sounds like an asshole. I'd throw the whole man away and find myself someone who actually cares about my needs

bowenw · Answer

You are not overreacting and shouldn't feel guilty. He needs to be respectful of your wishes if he wants to have sex with you. If he doesn't care what you want it's probably time to send him packing.

TeeSquare · Answer

If he had any sense he would use the condom. You can't use birth c6for health reasons, he won't use condom for selfish reasons. Relying on him to know when to pull out is definitely a bad idea. I can certainly understand your fears and not being able to relax. Any guy who had common sense would wear the condom, if not for safety reasons, but for respect for you. Quite simply, you should just tell him no condom no sex. Simple as that. Suggest he get tied instead if he doesn't want to use a condom. As for you getting ties, yes, it's a common procedure, but can pose more health risks to a female than a male.

ColHathi · Answer

I dunno about breaking up over it, but I definitely think he needs to stop being so selfish, even if there were no risk at pregnancy, which there is. From what I understand, precum can still contain sperm and make you pregnant. I'm sure there's a very low risk of that happening, but if you don't want to take that risk, he really needs to respect it.

b5fan · Answer

hmmm many questions...  Why can't you use an implant? Why do you panic at the thought of having a baby with your boyfriend? (This is a red flag)

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

I say you did the right thing and there's tons of condoms that he will feel you with.

Valnac · Answer

You are right with your concerns. And someone like your “ex” was an idiot for only thinking about himself. You and I would be perfect, I have a vasectomy.