How do I stop being hookup material and start being girlfriend material?

[Anonymous]

My first encounter was with this guy on IMVU and no he didn't get to know the real me. At that time I felt bad that I was a girl that was a 18 year old virgin. Anyway it ended badly since it was only about sex and I started to want more. My BFF at the time I fell in love with to ditch all my friends for him even though they said he was a bad guy. He constantly tried to get me to understand why friends with benefits and casual relationship are okay but I didn't understand. I made a huge mistake and snap sext a stranger to try and understand why which led me to stop doing it after the second pic and cried. Hearing about my sexual experiences soon after he said he like me back but I couldn't be openly dating him since my parents dislike black people. I said to him that we can only date each other when no longer own my parents money. Since that was 2 years of waiting I told him not to wait for me, he got mad and insisted in the mean time to be friends with benefits and I wanted to save myself till marriage. We developed a relationship. He kept telling my I didn't love him and kept pressuring me to have sex and sext him though I wasn't ready. I gave in because I wanted him to know I loved him and went out with him in the middle of nowhere to make out while he groped me. Then he said we should take a break and I agreed since I would never push him into anything. He kept pressuring to sext and I gave in cuz I loved him. The night I stood up to my parents while he was on call he acted like our encounter was only just hookups and my dad threaten to kill me if I ever tried to see him again. I lost any sense of dignity. I started sexting an old friend to get over him and now know what hookups are like and regret it. I tried my hand at dating again with Bumble but when guys hear my sexual history they start to demand sex and don't respect me. Still a virgin that wants a healthy marriage and kids. How do I get guys to look at me as girlfriend material instead of a hookup?

[Alyssa11]

You are girlfriend material, and not hook up material. The mere fact that you're so concerned makes you girlfriend material. Also, there's nothing wrong with begin a virgin if you don't want to have sex with someone right now. I am 22 and I have made the decision to remain a virgin until now and I am very happy about it.

Ok, first of all I want to get one thing straight with you. You need to understand that there is a clear line to separate sex and love. Ok, sex and love are 2 completely different concepts - HOWEVER, we find that sometimes they intertwine but that is not to get them confused as one in the same.

You seem like the kind of girl who prefer 'love' instead of 'sex'. For that, I would say you need to understand that love doesn't have to involve sex straight away, and that if a guy loves you he will wait on you and not force you to have sex with him/or do anything of sexual nature. Sex is just an extra benefit that comes into the relationship later on. I always say it's best to get to know the guy for a few months before deciding to sleep with him - and it's true cause I've saved myself from sleeping with a lot of douchebags this way.

I also want to highlight that you do not owe anybody an explanation about your past. Honestly, it seems like you haven't done anything. Baby girl, I hate to break it to you, but we all sext here and there lol. If this is something you're uncomfortable doing then you shouldn't do it, period. Do what makes you happy ONLY and don't EVER let anybody pressure you into doing something. However, you do not need to tell anyone about your past, this is something personal.

Whenever I meet a guy and he asks me about my past I say "I don't feel comfortable having this conversation cause it's private, but you need to know I am a good woman."

[Anonymous]

I just read this quickly, but just some general things, learn from all these experiences and notice these "signs". Example a guy pressuring you for sex or sexual things when you're not ready, isn't interested in you for a relationship (a guy that is won't keep pressuring you when you're not ready). Your sexual history is nobody's business but yours. Try different types of guys. Don't reach out to "old friends" as a rebound. And lastly, like I say, different guys (we're all different) and it'll take time to find the one that's looking, especially in today's world it seems. Honestly, believe it or not, I'm having just as much of a hard time finding a woman that wants anything serious as well. It seems very few are actually looking for that today, but even worse I assume for younger like you. But also when you meet someone new, don't be afraid to ask them directly right away what he's looking for and tell him what you want as well. You're not going to "scare him off". Those that run off because of that aren't looking, and you've saved yourself a lot of time (and pain) finding that out early.

[bowenw]

Your sexual history is your business alone. You have no reason to feel like a slut. You are perfectly normal. Decent guys don't ask a lady about those kinds of things. Decent guys don't care about your past. Instead of discussing sex, talk about things that interest you. Get to know guys by asking questions about themselves such as their interests, school, work, sports, food, where they see themselves in five years, etc. They should ask you similar things. If all they want to discuss is sex they aren't good boyfriend material.

[Asker]

I grew up in a moderate tradition indo Caribbean household. Since I'm also Hindu, my virginity is not only my business but my family's pride. I feel like a slut because I don't know how to recover from what happened. It is believed when a girl loses her virginity to a guy then she is his and no longer can marry. When it came to my ex, it was hard to get him to understand and how hard the effect of doing so can have on me social in my family and friends. With how he portrayed me to my family I no longer feel I have the right to stand my ground anymore. I made this post because I want to move forward and do better on my own terms.

[Asker]

That's why I slowly gave in to his manipulative ways because I thought submitting to him would prove how I felt.

[Asker]

I am Mentally trying to recover and get on my feet again but I want to learn what and what not to do.

[bowenw]

It must be difficult having something so personal considered to be a family possession. Is there any chance you can explain to your family and friends that you are only human and were tricked?

[Asker]

Wish it was easy but it's not. With the inclusion of the topic of race, no one dare want to believe me or when I try to settle they don't want to talk about it. the worst part is that my parents don't trust me and when it comes to boys they worry about me become "loose" if i talk to boys

[Asker]

yes, I made a hookup mistake but with a lot of self picking up, I believe I'm worth more. But. I believe the status of girlfriend or wifey material is a title earned not given and I want to earn it back.

[bowenw]

I'm sure your friends will understand, hopefully your family will too someday. Do not blame yourself for being played. It happens to many women. Learn from it, move on with your life, and stay positive.

[RemoErdosain]

Ummm... Your "sexual history" is nothing, girl. You got groped, made out, sexted, and had "virtual sex". You're still even a virgin. Just don't tell the guys that you meet about the groping and all that stuff: They don't have to know, and it's truly not important. Any guy you meet probably did more than that. Try not to rush things with any guy, because guys will try all sorts of tricks to get your precious virginity and then leave, so you'll have to filter the good ones

[aftermydemise]

The best way to stop being hookup material, is to not put out. Simple as that. You get to dictate when you have sex, and with who. Don't sleep with someone until you get a good feel for them, and know that they actually want to build a relationship with you.

[Oigit]

True and it very much feeds into self respect. A lot of guys and girls get stuck being hookup material simply because they don't respect themselves enough to not be.

[Protonite]

Well I can't think of much, it looks your heart is in the right place. The hookup part it seems your way of getting over your boyfriend's so I would suggest that you find someone to share your problems and take a break. Jumping from relationship to another relationship isn't the solution so choose what you really want to do and spend some time alone. And with boys deep down there is a hunger of sex eventually so your history makes them feel that you enjoy it already and take advantage of the same. You are girlfriend material I feel but just got into poor choices.

[TheFlak38]

you can't stop it. women are too stupid and have awful instincts. since you have the freedom to choose you will only choose the fuckboy who makes the area between your legs wet. once you're in your mid 30's you'll be asking for the good guy who finishes last to get married and lock him down through a government contract. but that guy has more options now and can easily go for the new generations of fresh young sluts.

[Asker]

Well, I made this post because I want to change and yes even I think I'm a slut. I can't find the grip to live with myself. I want better and I'm young enough to do so. I'm only 20.

[Asker]

Also, I'm learning how to be okay with my feminine side and embrace the old fashion part of myself without being ashamed no more. Feminism is shit.

[Valnac]

Most girls your age are looking for friends with benefits.
If you put a profile out there, let them know you don’t hookup and want a relationship

[MrEscanor]

Why do you reveal your sexual history to someone anyway?
No one has a right to know it as long as you feel free and okay to share it. I think this is your biggest mistake.
And that guy was a bastard. Both sides made mistakes but he was a coward.

İt is not for me to say what you should do with your life but just try keep things to yourself and open a new page when you meet a new person.
First, get to know him. Learn about personality.
See if you can trust him with your past if you want to be open about it.
Don't rush anything. Let it take its natural course.
Never have sexual intercourse because a man wants but do it because you both want.

[Asker]

they demand it.

[MrEscanor]

You have every right to deny that request and they HAVE TO respect your decision

[Asker]

so the only way for me to move forward is to lie?

[MrEscanor]

Why do you think this is lying? Don't you think you have a right to keep it to yourself?

[Asker]

I would like to

[MrEscanor]

You should have. You are free to experience what you want and live your life the way you want Don't let them tell you what to do

[Asker]

Wish it was easy but it's not. With the inclusion of the topic of race, no one dare want to believe me or when I try to settle they don't want to talk about it. the worst part is that my parents don't trust me and when it comes to boys they worry about me become "loose" if i talk to boys

[Asker]

yes, I made a hookup mistake but with a lot of self picking up, I believe I'm worth more. But. I believe the status of girlfriend or wifey material is a title earned not given and I want to earn it back.

[Asker]

Sorry, these replies were for bowenw. I accidentally wrote it here

[MrEscanor]

You are who you are. No one can give it you and take it from you. Don't empower other people over you. You can enjoy your sexulsty and still be a wifey material

[MrEscanor]

Sorry then

[Anonymous]

Because so many girls r not girlfriend material it’s hard to prove yourself. Basically just waste no time with the dogs, don’t b afraid to just stop talkn to em and move on

[Anonymous]

I would avoid telling guys that you have sexted before. Instead you should tell them that you are a virgin waiting for marriage and it is non-negotiable. That should ward off the guys only interested in hooking up. Later on you can tell any guys that stick around about your masturbating habits.