Please help. I need some advice on this?

Question

Okay a little back story. Have been seeing this guy. It was going really well. On the 4th date we did sexual things (blowjob and fingering). Afterwards I kinda got into my head that it was going to turn into a friends with benefits thing and I didn't want that. So these are the texts we exchanged after.  I still got scared that he didn't like me the same so I sent this.  Since then he's been hesitant with me so I asked.  He never responded to that last thing so this is the last message I sent.  I know I messed up and was confusing because I got into my own head. I'm going to leave it in his court now but do you think there's still a chance to fix this?

hbg84 · Accepted Answer

Here's my take. You're a complete neurotic mess.

I read the text it was clear what you said you didn't need to go into some long tangent about it. Tbh once you wrote that long message you came off clingy a little.

The only thing confusing about all this is expected him to respond right away but then turned around and blocked him. Like that really comes off as kinda psycho.

In my opinion I think he's dodging a bullet so to speak on this. He's only gonna be more confused now since you blocked him. Even if you do unblock him he will end up just blocking you.

You more or less just played mind games with him.

I'm not writing all this to be mean. I do understand you about getting into your own head because I've done the same thing myself. This is just advice.

Don't overthink things and just let things happen organically. Just enjoy the moment. When that moment is over look forward to the next moment.

I do apologize if I come off in a rude way or if I offended you it wasn't my intention.

Lov2PlezUgurl · Accepted Answer

If you give up now what does that say about you if you get into a relationship and get into an argument are you just going to throw your hands down and leave and give up or fight for what you want fight for what's yours love and happiness I think you should unblock him on everything give him about two days then text him and ask him out for another date and do the same thing that you did on the last one have fun you never know what's just around the corner you could be giving up on Prince charming of course it could be Rumpelstiltskin too but you don't know at this point all you know is you like him and he likes you even now he's probably thinking about you the key is if you really want him then give him another b****** this time when he gets off try to drain his balls don't stop bring him to the point of passing out and he'll fall in love with you forever if that's what you want you have the power use it to get what you want

Alyssa11 · Accepted Answer

Well done for being honest, and he seems like a good one because he's honest with you too. You didn't mess up because you don't want a friends with benefits and you deserve whatever you want. If he doesn't want more, well one for finding out sooner than later! It's courage.

I'd give him his space. If he doesn't come around, you've discovered what he really wants now which is better than much later down the road.

Hangry22 · Accepted Answer

It's up to him to decide. Maybe he ain't the kind to do things slow. But you did what you could do and made things clear about what you want. Give him some time and see if he comes around. Don't send anything more

AustinMan · Answer

I don't have time to strain my eyes to read all that. Care to summarize and I'll opine?

filjongrif · Answer

I doubt it unless u chill out.. Why psychoanalylise everything u said u had fun but u didn't seem to have fun.. If a lad starts seeing a girl and she's intense straight away , the things will only get more intense as it gets more serious.. So personally id walk away

Novacane · Answer

I don't think you messed it up or anything you did the right thing. If the person likes you then they would understand. The way he responded it sounded like it was going to end up as a friend with benefit and it's obvious that is not something you wanted. So I would say that you dodged a bullet. Don't worry there are more people out there!

iseekpinetrees · Answer

You just sound insecure. Next time just keep it to urself. If u must say something say it once get it all out. Don't just keep writing n writing n writing more to a guy

ohshee · Answer

Mmm nothing wrong with that

PhilEvans · Answer

How hard is it to say "Last night was fun, but might have been too fast for me. I still want to date you, but can we leave it a bit before getting physical again?"

You didn't mess this up by having some sexy fun times. You messed this up by spending a day second-guessing yourself, sending him completely mixed messages and not being clear. Just say what you mean!

Jjpayne · Answer

I'd personally talk about this in person, you need the tone of voice and the body language. You need that as a cue to tell you what to say next and how you respond to each question. It's so important. Even if it's just zoom video chat. I'd recommend doing that and just having a full conversation about it. But you did leave him quite the paragraph so let's see how he responds to that

nikooo0ooo · Answer

I think you just try a little too hard tbh

ColHathi · Answer

I think you're overreacting a bit.

Massageman · Answer

Sure, if he reads your last message. You finally got to the heart of the matter with that last explanation. Good for you! Your explanation was certainly clear to me- it should be to him if his brain his somewhat functional.

pleasestopthis · Answer

The only thing you can do now is wait and give it time, if he's interested he'll reach out to you. Still you unmatched him, that can give the wrong message if you're interested in pursue something with him.

Unit1 · Answer

Duuuh. Why beating around the bush much? Tell him you want him to be your boyfriend. He'll never understand otherwise.

MysticDevice · Answer

That's a pretty solid message. I'd suggest you two hang out and talk it out in person though. And remember if it works, awesome. If not, it's not the end of the world. Yeah it will suck if it doesn't but it happens.

DiegoO · Answer

Yeah. Personally I hate that crap. I understand you felt things were going to fast, but sex is something, we guys doesn't hesitate to do over and over with a woman we like (most guys may agree with me). So when a woman we like start to hesitate, it becomes confusing for us, and it make us doubt about what she really wants from the relationship.

joeldalton · Answer

If he's pulling back he's not that interested. Just give him a few days to respond and move on if he doesn't.

DreamCatchcer · Answer

Give it time

Syrian_survivor · Answer

There's obviously incompatibility, I can see from the texts

He sounds more shallow and he barely shows any genuine emotion, you sound much deeper and your goals are apparently very romantic

He's just another fuckboy, you didn't mess up anything, he was just afraid of commitement like most beta guys out there who only wanna satisfy their dicks

My recommendation: don't engage sexually with guys you're romantically interested in at early stages, give them the test of time, if they're actually interested in you and your personality, they'll stick around for months without anything sexual, there's no hurry for sex for such guys, while if you make fuckboys wait, they'll just leave and show you how much of deceiving manipulative horny pieces of shit they are, and you'd dodge a bullet

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Good idea move on

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

He's definitely falling be here seems a little distant like he's not really interested

Jerre · Answer

I believe there is a good chance it can be fixed.

Please help. I need some advice on this?

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