What do you HOPE for (not expect) on a first date?

[OlderAndWiser]

Earlier today, I asked what you EXPECT on a date if you are paying for the date:

If you are paying for a date, what do you expect in return?

Problems with expectations and who is paying, etc. are most likely to arise on a first date.
This question asks something a little different. Regardless of who is paying, when you and a potential partner have agreed to a first date, and you are anticipating what might happen on that date, what is it that you REALISTICALLY hope will happen by mutual assent? Do you hope and think you might end up having sex, just holding hands, just having a goodnight kiss?

On most first dates I have had, I realistically hope that the date will end with a goodnight kiss. I know it is possible that one kiss can lead to a more passionate kiss and who knows where that leads, but - realistically - the most I think will happen is a goodnight kiss. And that's enough!

[Lliam]

First, if I ask a woman out on a date, I expect to pay. That doesn't mean that I think she owes me. It's just my treat. The money spent on a meal isn't any big deal at all and it's a gentlemanly gesture.

When we meet, I initially hope that we will be pleased with each other's appearance. If we are on a date, we are obviously there for the purpose of checking each other out as potential romantic partners down the line. Why else would two strangers - a man and a women - agree to meet up?

Then I hope that our conversation will be bright and easy; that we will find each other engaging, interesting, charming, humorous, ...

At the end of the evening, we will hopefully agree to meet again. I will walk her to her car. We'll chat for a few more moments as we say goodbye. A handshake would typically mean that the date had failed. A woman will usually signal that a kiss is expected. She may even initiate it. Just a friendly kiss. No powerful embraces or tongues. But that simple kiss can telegraph a lot of information. Are her lips tight or soft and yielding? Is more contact involved? For example, she may reach up to put her hands on top of your shoulders and she stands on her tip toes for the kiss, which is an invitation to put your hands lightly on her waist. In doing so, she is signaling trust and a desire to meet again.

[OlderAndWiser]

You described my first date experience rather well!

[JackSmy]

I want to let the first date just go, as it will, and that helps me decide if I want a second date. I usually let her choose where, and text me, and I say, since I am asking you, I will pay, so that resolves that nonsense.
I always ask to meet, so she has her way home, and I have mine, so no conflicts there.
I usually walk her to her car, after, especially if it is dark, and make sure she is safe.
No kiss expected, but sometimes, when she likes me, I get a really nice one!! And often a "Thank You" for walking with her, to her car, and being sure she is safe, like a True Gentleman would naturally do!
Now, I can't imagine how some women feel, meeting someone online, through a service, and then actually meeting, and I imagine that can be really uncomfortable, and full of anxiety, for her! I just want to make any dates as comfortable, relaxed, and safe, as I can, so she isn't nervous, or feeling any fear or concern!

[OlderAndWiser]

Every word of your response is how I, too, approach a first date resulting from an online meeting.

[JackSmy]

@olderandwiser I knew there was a reason I think of you as a friend!

[OlderAndWiser]

Indeed!

[DizzyDesii]

Lol people really be overthinking this. For starters, im not going on a date until I've gotten to know the person for at least a month. So i already know whats up by time the date gets there. No one leaves the house before the other. Its more like “hey you heading out? Okay me too? We’re both 30 mins away? Ok good see you soon.” Like the only way someones gettin stood up is if traffic or a natural disaster randomly occurs. We’ve already agreed beforehand that we’re splitting the bill like always (although the dude usually ends up being a cheapo so i volunteer to buy diff stuff for us anyways). We’re gonna focus solely on eachother and not give af whos watching. A kiss and holding hands is definitely happening but not within the first hour of the date. We’ve gotten tested that same week although Sex/oral is definitely not happening but mutual masturbation may be up for grabs 🤷‍♀️

[DizzyDesii]

Lol funny how im just mow seeing the poll after typing all this. Guess we were on the same page haha

[DizzyDesii]

And yes, i wouldn't go out with someone from church, work, online, school, etc until I've talked with them for at least a month over the phone or in that same work/school/online setting 🤷‍♀️

[Needtovent]

A kiss if I like them definitely 💋

[Yads_Is_Back]

I hope but don't expect that he doesn't turn it into an interview. I'm there to get to know you and you get to know me, which is better accomplished if we are just enjoying ourselves and we see how we act and "click" with real conversation instead of asking each other questions every time we speak. When guys make the first date an interview I'm usually out the door and he won't get a second. I can't stand that. Actually talk to me.

[Yads_Is_Back]

By "out the door" I mean I don't communicate with him hardly after that. it shows his lack of social skills. I didn't mean that I rudely leave the date.

[OlderAndWiser]

That is one strong advantage that I have in dating. Even though I was very shy as a young man and am more of an introvert, I can easily engage in conversation and I never have a first date with awkward silences. Although I always have a few "stock" questions available in case the conversation lulls, I never need to resort to them. I like your new profile photo!

[Yads_Is_Back]

That is awesome :) Yeah, I've been able to tell that you have good charisma. I think everyone on here can see it. Thank you! <3

[Megarielle]

See, I'm just the opposite. I'm a naturally curious person, so I always have a ton of questions, but I try and pace myself according to his behavior. When he has a lot of well-thought-out questions, not only do I appreciate it, but I also can see a little bit of where he is mentally. But then, I don't find much merit in getting to know someone online, so I like to meet up fairly quickly. I find there isn't enough context in virtual environments, so it's incredibly easy to build up people into something they're not and end up disappointed later.

[Yads_Is_Back]

@Megarielle agree with the online point. I don’t date online. And it’s nice to have an inquisitive person’s view so thanks.

[OlderAndWiser]

@yads_is_back @megarielle I date online but I try to set up a first date within a week of meeting online. Yes, you never know what to expect and I have had women show up who were 10 years older than they stated in their profile, pictures horribly out of date, etc., and I could scarcely wait for the date to end. But most of the first dates are not awful. Many of them are "this is a nice lady but I don't feel any chemistry with her" or ""nice lady but she talks about her ex-husband WAY too much for a first date." So I approach a first date knowing that it may be a one-and-done with no attraction, no holding hands, no goodnight kiss, nothing. But I am always hopeful that this will be one who is a good match for me, we both feel the chemistry, and we hold hands and kiss by the end of the first date. And if not. . . NEXT! :) :) :)

[Daniela1982]

Seriously? People hope for sex on the first date? So they hope that they dating a Ho?

Date's over - time to get down and dirty, and I do mean going down!

[OlderAndWiser]

Not me!

[OlderAndWiser]

I believe the "logic" of their hope is that the girl is a relatively prim and proper lady who simply goes so crazy for them that she can't control herself. Hahahahaha!

[Daniela1982]

Oh please! Trim and proper can control them self like I do. Unless you want to call me a Ho. 33 and single does not make a Ho. :(

[OlderAndWiser]

I'm not trying to defend them. I'm just explaining their screwed-up thought process.

[Daniela1982]

I know. I'm just giving you a hard time.

[19magic]

It sounds weird but I feel holding hands is more intimate than a kiss, other than kids and more to keep them safe I don't think I've ever held hands with anyone, I've linked arms with my female friends but never hands whereas I've both kisses and slept with guys before. I think a kiss is the indication that one would like a second date and thus is a good thing to hope for but not expect it

[MCheetah]

I hope that we enjoy each other's company, find each other interesting, have time go by quicker than it seemed like, have a friendly hug at the end of the night, and can't wait to see each other again on the next date. I don't need to rush into sex or anything like that. Of course, this almost never happens with modern women I've ended up dating. So I voted for Option C.

[Everyoneisplastic]

None of the above. All I hope for after the first date is that she tells me if she wants to or doesn't want to date me anymore and she's honest about it. It would be nice to know right away if we're compatable or not, I hate going on a date with a girl only to find out months later that she loss interest after the first few days. I date to find out if that's the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life and to find out if she cares for me the same way I do for her and vice-versa. I don't like being lead on and I don't like being viewed as a sex toy.

[Gooblegobble]

I hope my partner shows up and is able to be herself and be honest. If it’s going well, don’t play annoying games, if it’s going really badly, address it and we can laugh about it. Just don’t sit on your phone the entire time and make me wonder why you even ageed to a date.

[ShortCircuit]

I don't expect the date to lead to a romantic relationship, but that's what I hope for, merely because it means that I can stop looking, and that the date was a good use of time and money. Anything beyond that, I actually DON'T want. I consider physical affection way too soon and inappropriate on a first date (unless we had been close friends for a long time prior). If my date tried to initiate physical contact, I would be turned off and most likely rule her out as a potential partner.

[Avicenna]

When I was in my teens and twenties, I was trying to have sex on the first date. Now, I‘m just focused on getting to know her and usually won’t even try a kiss or hug because that may create or indicate expectations that I’m not ready for. There’s no hurry on the first date.

[Avicenna]

Im just trying to get to know her and also to discern how much interest she has, what she’s really looking for. I hope to have some answers to that after a first date.

[Dargil]

If I asked her out, I choose the venue and pay the bill.
Show up, have open conversation and end the night cordially. Then we decide if there is an encore.

[Gwenhwyfar]

D or E sounds good, but ONLY if I decide I like them by the end of the first date (and they like me of course). Otherwise I would rather just stay casual friends or drift out of each other’s lives altogether.

[Bandit74]

Would definitely hope for G or F. I think most girls have gone that far on the first date or with people they met on Tinder and ideally I would prefer to be in the group of guys she felt the most chemistry with/was sexual with the quickest rather than in the group of guys she felt more luke warm towards/ had to wait longer.

[Simplismilez]

So I use online dating. When I first meet a person I never know how it'll go. I try and keep an open mind and expect at the very least someone who will engage in a conversation with me. For the first meet up I like to go to places like coffee shops or parks so that there's no expectation to buy me anything and if I want I drink ill get it myself. This is why I typically let the guy show up first and then I just go to where he is sitting so that he doesn't have to buy me anything and that takes away the expectation.

I honestly don't have expectations for how a date will go because you just never know. Almost never though it ends in sex. The first date is for me to determine if there's chemistry and if we can engage with each other.

[winterfox10]

A kiss is a nice way to end the night. Sometimes the energy is there, sometimes it isn't. I've had women get weird about stuff like that. I just feel things out through the evening.

[Massageman]

A and/or B.
If a decent foundation is laid with A & B and a good relationship develops, then it is more likely that a run through the alphabet could be in the offing.

[worldscolide]

Voted A.. The only thing i would add to it, is getting to know each other.

[Unit1]

I hope but do not expect the lady to...
... want to see me again for a 2. nd date.
She doesn't care, that I do not have social media.
She doesn't care about my money.

[TacosRAwesome]

I hope I like them enough to make out with them.

[Myk13]

Assuming everything goes in a positive direction. I might lean in a little longer hoping a goodnight kiss could happen. Maybe whisper something about our next date in her ear with enough of a heavy breath to warm her neck just behind her ear. I like to fire up the engine of a new pickup, even if I don’t purchase it today. If I’m truly interested in her for a LTR. I would hope that she would respectfully send me on my way and leave me wanting more.

[alphacathexis]

that she'll crawl under the table halfway through the meal, and start devourig me with a passion that stuns. She'll cleanly gulp everything down and join me back at the table to wipe the remainder from her lips and stare at me with a palpable heat and excitement that she has no choice but to go under again and excite with carnal exctacy.

[Likes2drive]

Not too much but at least a thank you for dinner and hopefully a second date if I liked them and everything went well