Girlfriend wants to be able to hook up with other women, but doesn't want me to?

[Anonymous]

So been dating about 6 months, I have known she is bi, and we have talked about this before, but it seems like she is a bit more serious about it lately.

Basically, we have talked about open relationships, I have turned it down cause I don't want her sleeping with other men, women don't really bother me. But from our conversations, she has basically said she wants to be with a guy that will at least allow her to hook up with women. She says she would allow me to hook up with guys if I wanted, but not other women. I am a straight man, and I have no interest in other men. So basically she wants to be able to hook up with other women, but because I am straight, I am not allowed the same freedom.

The way I see it, I really like this girl, on the way to love. I only want to be with her, but obviously I would like to sleep with other women, and I understand her desire for other women, and even men. But in a relationship I am monogomous. Her sleeping with women doesn't really bother me, but it doesn't seem fair. She gets to go fuck other people, but I'm not allowed to unless it's someone I find disgusting lol. I don't know if that is me being childish, and tit for tat. I'm sure a lot of guys would say they love this, but I have dated bi women before. I don't want her sleeping with other men, so I understand her feelings, but it's not my fault I don't like dudes lol.

How do I handle this situation? I would like to make this work. I would be fine with it if I got to join in here and there, but I also don't ever want another dude involved, so I don't want the "you fucked another girl, so I get to fuck a guy." Do you think I'm just being selfish, if it doesn't bother me that much? Or is she being selfish and I am right to question this a bit?

Prefer answers from older people that have actually had experience with relationships.

[lightbulb27]

im curious what is it you love about her and why you go for bi- women often? In what world do you keep pulling "bi" fish out of a pond filled with many kinds of fish. e. g. I wonder why you are drawn to her and this type of women when you sound monogamous in nature. Confused... you said monogamous but because she is bi, you want to have others as well... so you are looking for fairness?

Be interesting to understand why the girlfriend is bi, but that is less interesting at the moment.
Once understand that, then you are equipped to consider re-evaluating whom you are attracted to and whom would make you feel secure.

I think what she said makes sense in one regards... if you make offspring, then it is only with her and it gives her security, that you won't leave. don't know if you want kids, but they show up sometimes ya know. Those are important drivers for her emotionally (apparently), whether logically she knows or not.

Keep us posted what you uncover. It's part of the discovery of who you are... which leads to where you are going:)

[Asker]

Lol j have dates straight women too, but I have also found a few bi women. I don’t seek it out. But I think their sexuality might have a lot to do with it, you can still be a sexual person and monogamous.

[Asker]

And I love her because she is beautiful, fun, intelligent and caring. It is hard to find a women like this these days, and everyone comes with hurdles, this is her hurdle for me

[lightbulb27]

iv not been in such scenario so can't say for sure, it's a question what you can handle. things can get really Fd up in relationships and be very painful if go wrong. Beautiful... I throw that crap out fast... other wqualities are good. there's a reason she's like this, probably what she experienced in early life or watched in shows. I'd wonder what this does to the offspring.. if you want monogamous kids, or what values to raise them by. that might be a sticky point. If you accept the path, then I'd say you get to participate. For me, if can't find a good place emotionally, I'd move on. Reality is everyone is "busted" up inside one way or another, this is a factor of hers.. which now a days, looks normal. You may not know "her" yet... there's more to be discovered... I think I'd also pay a visit to a psychologist or do some work on "why" in her and you. I doubt she wants to do that... whatever training created that behavior is well affixed, it's mating season, and people often don't want to know why... they just wnat to "do". The why question shows up later on as people have time to reflect upon their repeating patterns.

[lightbulb27]

p. s. the criteria for loving her is not correct but I know it seems right. In my experience and in reflection, attraction is sub conscious matching of sub conscious emotions. In other words, she maps back to someone in your childhood. Beauty can be overpowering, but there is more to it than that. The sub conscious alignment can feel amazing, but be awfully wrong and put people in a state of misery as they grow. here's something I listened to which I find some truth in, my girlfriend doesn't agree. Point is about 2 year olds inside... For what it's worth... you are in a diff place than I... at your age, I was beyond clueless... you are way ahead of me at same age. Attachments area Preview YouTube video How to Create Conscious Intimacy In Your Relationship Dr. Shefali

[Bananaman177]

That road you're on?

Goes nowhere, bro.

And if you think her and her lesbian girlfriends would never get some dick, yes they would. To them, it doesn't make them straight or bi, they think of all men as walking dildos, it's not real to them. It doesn't matter. And lying to you about it won't matter to her either. She will genuinely sympathize with you and be affectionate with you, and then when you're not around and no one will ever find out, she'll betray you without a second thought, barely feel bad about it for a couple minutes, and lie right to your face in the morning. And if you ever find out and get so butthurt you leave, then she'll cry about it for a day or two, and her girlfriends will tell her "it's not your fault, men are just garbage. That's why we're lesbians." And she'll go, "Yeah!" and then the next day they'll all get screwed by a couple of black guys.

There's no such thing as "bi." She's not "bi." She's just a sex addict, plain and simple. And so will that be fun for you? Maybe. But is this relationship ever going to blossom into anything? Like marriage and fatherhood? Let's just say highly unlikely and not only that, if you do end up having kids with her, that's going to be the absolute worst of all possible worlds, literally suicide-tier.

My strong brotherly advice for you, stranger, is to bail on this as soon as possible, even at the cost of easy pussy, seriously. Go back to jerking off, you'll be glad you did. This girl's mess of a life is going nowhere you want to be, dude. Trust me.

[AshleyTaylorDanny]

Well when I told my future husband I was bi-sexual and about my girlfriend he understood... he never complained when we had our girl time... he never asked if he could join or anything. After dating 2 years and then getting married we surprised him 6 months later with a threesome. My girlfriend had grown to love him for how he treated me and her. It was our choice to bring him into our special thing.
So you never know..
Give her the space and she might bring you into it too.

[Asker]

While that may have worked for you. I don't want to accept something I'm questioning in the hopes that I will get a threesome 2 years later lol. How would you feel if your husband wanted to sleep with another woman or man without you?

[Asker]

Also, you saying it was your choice to bring your "future husband" in on your "special thing" is kind of disgusting to me. The "special thing" should be with the relationship with the person you are choosing to spend your life with, not your side piece. She should be the one you are allowing in, not your husband. Or marry her, and ask him to join. For you to "allow" him to experience this small gift, when you have been having your cake and eating it too for 2 1/2 years, seems incredibly selfish on your part. I'm not trying to be judgmental here, but to my ears, it sounds like you are more concerned with what makes YOU feel good, than how your husband might feel.

[dutch69lover]

What she is trying to say is that it was not something that I ever asked for a bugged them about. I love the both of them and our trio works for us. It is I that feels like they brought me in even though when you ask our girlfriend she feels like we brought her into our marriage.

[Asker]

@dutch69lover Oh I understood that part. I am saying that the fact you, her husband, felt like you where brought into "their" relationship, is fucked up. She also didn't mention that you were all 3 together now, which I think is different. That is something you both participate in as a couple. But even then, it sounds like to me, you waited around hoping that this would become a thing for you, whether you admit that or not, and it did. You lucked out, but there was no gaurantee that would be the case. If she kept fucking this girl, married you, and continued to do so without "allowing" you to do the same then I would say you are either into that, or incredibly naive.

[JosyJosy]

Unfair. If she is interested in women, and wants to do that she can't restrict you from doing the same because you also happen to be interested in women. She's selfish. Either both that freedom or nothing.
"I want to be able to cheat, but You are not allowed to!"

[Asker]

That's kind of how I feel, but then I would also feel guilty sleeping with another woman, and not allowing her to be with a man. So I would prefer just to avoid the whole thing. But she keeps bringing stuff like this up, so might be a deal breaker. It's starting to turn me off.

[JosyJosy]

Exactly, is how you should feel. I honestly don't think this kind of person is someone you should date. Even if you say yes to her, and she does give you the same freedom. Even if you're not interested in doing so, at least you have the freedom to do so

[JosyJosy]

Knowing you have the freedom to "CHEAT", should be okay if you can look over the cheating part of it all.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you were married to her and had children, would you still be okay with her having sex with other women?

[Asker]

If it was an occasional things, that I was told was going to happen beforehand. I think I would be fine with this. But if I'm being honest, I think If I was not allowed to join in or had some sort of leway of my end, then I would probably become resentful of this.

[OlderAndWiser]

I don' get the point of settling into a LTR if you aren't going to be monogamous. Why not just date her casually, have sex with her and whoever you want, and she can have sex with you and whoever else she wants?

[Asker]

If it was something we did together, then I don't see the issue. Going off on our own, I do. And in that case I would agree, but I want a family and kids and a wife, that is why. I don't want to casually date, but I'm not so close minded that I'm not up for the discussion.

[Tyrael]

Ugh yeah that's pretty selfish on her part. There's no real easy way out of this that I can see.

You either allow her to sleep with other women (and hope that she doesn't get with any men), while you sleep with only her. This leads to you becoming resentful and potentially end up leaving her, or suffering in silence.

Or you refuse to let her sleep with other women and then she becomes resentful and either cheats on you, or you break up.

Both shitty options. Sooooo, you sure you couldn't learn to like some dick? *Shrugs*

[Asker]

Haha, I wish believe me. Dealing with the women I seem to attract can be difficult sometimes lol. But yeah, I don't really see a scenario where she is the only one allowed to fuck around, and I'm ok with it. I am all about fairness, sometimes to a fault.

[Tyrael]

I don't blame you, I'd feel exactly the same way. I know it's not as simple as "am I not enough for you?" Cause they got their own thing going on, not there has to be give and take.

[Tyrael]

But there has to be*

[Wise4myage]

Id kick her to the curb.

[Younghungguy17]

I would be ok with that

[CubaPirate]

The least she should do is offer to let you watch

[Asker]

Lol, she probably would allow this.

[Anonymous]

Straight men and bi women is a combination that won't last. She is more in touch with her sexuality, she understands that monogamy is not entirely reasonable. You however are still bound by social constraints. It won't work.

[Asker]

Lol, I'm not in touch with my sexuality cause I don't want to fuck dudes?

[Opinion Owner]

No one wants to fuck ALL dudes, but you should consider it. There are definitely some you'd find attractive. You'd be surprised how much of our sexual preferences are a result of social conditioning. In reality, bisexuality or pansexuality is the most natural thing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah sometimes things are not fair my girlfriend she hooks up with other guys but doesn't allow me to get with any other women

[Asker]

Lol fuck that

[Opinion Owner]

But I guess I was just really really desperate to be with her

[Asker]

Yeah, that's weak as fuck man. I would never go for this. I like this girl, but I can find someone else. If I was you, I would go fuck someone else and then tell her about it. Only way to regain your balls here. Other than just leaving. Which you should do anyway. You are too old for that shit.

[midnightmoon05]

@ anon - if she gets pregnant, what would you do? She her other men’s kid? Then she gets pregnant by another men... If that’s okay with you...

[Opinion Owner]

@midnightmoon05 I don't know what I would do hopefully it doesn't happen

[midnightmoon05]

Good luck. Hope you work on your core values. With what you want in life, your future and if this is the woman you allow yourself to accept. I come from a family with love and standards that I don’t allow certain disrespect... so that I can raise my children to be that way. If you plan to have children/family... then work on that. If not... no one really cares. Like everyone... just go out, have fun and do whatever.