I think I messed up by telling my mom that I wasn’t a virgin anymore?

For months I have been feeling sad because I’ve been hiding it from her and I wished that I could tell her everything and ask her all the questions I had but I lied because I was too scared about telling her that I lost my virginity since she is very short tempered and I was scared about what she would do. But I finally told her two days ago that I wasn’t a virgin anymore she kept on asking me where I did it and I said his room and then she said that she was very disappointed in me that I was having sex with him in his parents house, she can’t believe that she has a daughter like this, that his parents could think that I’m a slut (we don’t make noise or anything they just see us cuddling), That we should do it at a hotel, and she told me not to go to his room ever again. The thing is I love being in the room with him It’s the only time where it’s just me and him the only form of privacy that I have my parents are so strict and don’t even let me lie down on the couch I want to be able to cuddle with him and stuff and it’s not like we have a bunch of sex we only have sex twice a month max and a hotel would be too expensive he doesn’t even work, where else does she expect me to have sex with him and alone time? His room is the only place and I’m an introvert and feel more at peace/ happy there I love being there. After I was brave enough to tell her something that was really hard to talk about, she starts treating me like I’m a disappointment and I don’t think it’s fair because I’ve never even been able to explore things as much as other teenagers/adults I don’t drink, I’ve never really been allowed to an official party, never been allowed to go to a sleep over, etc. and this is the only thing that I do because I love him and I want to I’ve always been a good girl that’s never had many friends and is a bit lonely. I just wish she would let me be happy I don’t have a lot of freedom and my favorite thing to do is to be in the room with him it makes me so happy
Updates:
+1 y
I finally get the guts to tell her and now she treats me like a disappointment and like I betrayed her.
+1 y
I feel so sad i really regret telling her now she’s banning me from going to his room again it’s the only place that it’s just me and him I feel so safe, comfortable, and happy I don’t want to stop going there should I keep going there and lie?
0 5

Superb Opinion

  • I believe that it's good that you confess to your mom that you not virgin anymore, she was already suspecting anyway, especially after you start taking pills, don't you feel less stress now, that you don't need to lie to your mom about being virgin anymore? now she is kinda pushing you to lie about having sex with your boyfriend in a hotel, but it's clearly a much lesser lie in comparison, it's like jaywalking in comparison to arson. Looks like nagging you about hotel is your mom's way to try to save face after she fail to prevent you from losing your virginity without marriage, I even find it funny how your mom is insisting that you would do it only in a hotel, her daughter is having sex without marriage, but at least she should do it in a hotel, it's quite silly, so it's quite funny.

    Your mom waited until marriage, while you didn't, so it make sense for her to be disappointment at you, and I think that you should be able to understand her, but the whole hotel thing is mostly silly, good thing that she didn't told you that you better do it in a park than in his parents house. Maybe you should tell your mom that you want to marry your boyfriend, she knows that at that point it's the only thing that might fix her disappointment of you losing your virginity before marriage. Actually your parents should been more strict if they wanted to prevent you from losing your virginity before marriage, they allowed you to have a boyfriend, without any plans of marriage in the near future, what did they thought that is going to happen? your mom likely realize her failure but that ship has sailed, the hotel thing seems to be mostly your mom acting petty after she fail to be controlling enough to prevent you from losing your virginity before marriage.

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ArsonMurderAndJaywalking

    • But she agrees to sex without marriage but she wanted it to be a year of dating not 7 months

    • You talked to her about it before the confession and she told you to wait a year? and she disappointment that you didn't waited an extra 5 months before you start doing it with him?

    • As for the update, lying about not going to his room and/or going to a hotel is not as bad as lying about being a virgin. Look on the bright side, at least your mom accepted that you not virgin and that you have sex with your bfriend, she didn't ban you from having sex with your bfriend, she just want you to do it only in a hotel, also how your mom is going to monitor that you going to a hotel and not to his room? it's not her house, it's not your parents house, it's your boyfriend parents house. You mom left you with three options, to go to a hotel, to lie to her about that, or to stand up to her and tell her that you going to keep going to your boyfriend room, the third option is the best, but it require extra bravery and strength. :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeaaa... people fuck at their parents houses all the time. Im not sure which hair was still in fashion the last time your mom was a teenager hooking up with guys but in 2020 those rules are gone.

    I have friends who hook up with girls and girl friends (as in friends) who hook up with guys at home all the time.

    It's not disrespectful. As for slutty well yeah any sex can be qualified as slutty but that's the norm now, we are all sluts one way or the other.

    So don't sweat it, obviously you won't book a hotel everytime you wanna shag someone

    • Lol I’m not a slut though this is the only guy that I gave myself to my first kiss and everything

    • I didn't call you one obviously haha. Im saying it's no big deal to be one

Most Helpful Girls

  • I mean, you know how your mom felt already so I don't know why you told her. Even if it was bothering you, this will probably bother you more. You do live at home so it is good to follow the rules as long as they're not abusive, but once you get out on your own, you can do what you want, and don't need to feel guilty.

  • I think the only reason why parents care is pregnancy.
    It's totally natural. Just be safe.

    • Going to a hotel does not make pregnancy any less likely. :)

    • ^^^^

    • I use protection and birth control pills lol trust me I’m scared of that right now

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

5 33
  • If your mother thinks you are a disappointment just from having your first, not-so-great, sexual contact...

    ... Sorry - not sorry - she is failing YOU!

  • News flash, your mother isn't a virgin either. You never had any say in her sex life, she doesn't get any say in yours.

    • But her mom waited until marriage, plus she is her mom, not the other way around. :)

    • @Berethor Both completely irrelevant statements, thank you for wasting my time.

  • I'm sure she'll understand later on. In the meantime just focus on you and your boyfriend. As long as you're safe you should be fine. 💖

  • You know what a pain in the ass your mother is? Well, SHE has a mother who was probably an even bigger pain in the ass to her when she was younger. And that is why your mom is rather neurotic and somewhat fundamentalist about your morality. Part of getting older is learning to accept that our parents are flawed individuals who are broken and flawed and that they may have done am imperfect job of raising us, but most of them did the best they could do with the resources they had available to them.

    • Perhaps it is time for you to consider moving out of your parents' home and becoming independent of them.

  • this is normal and how most of us have sex and you're old enough to decide where and how you want to do it

  • You should have told her anything like what the fuck honestly play does a kit though people's tell their parents that hey I don't know jack off in the bathroom no no you don't because your parents are going to be religious fuckers maybe I don't know or old school pieces of schitt's and they're going to tell you though it's bad blah blah blah this blah blah blah all that but you know what listen to me jerking off and sex is deliciously fun you're going to be dead you might as well enjoy it. Go to blood-stained men. Com to learn more about male genital mutilation. Have a great day

  • Your nineteen and want to do adult things. Act like one and move out of your Mother's house. Find a few friends and get an appt together. If you refuse to do so, stop complaining when she treats you like a child.

    • It’s not that I refuse to I have a job and I’m currently saving up for a car. My job pays 3 dollars an hour and I won’t have enough money for it I also don’t have any friends I just have a nf

  • It's a tough place to be... unfortunately every person is different. I know my mom would prefer I wait but she lets me know, it's my choice. I personally don't believe it's an unnatural thing to do. In christian circles it may not be excepted, but I will say this, many people I know have had sex in high school and shortly after without marriage and they are christians. Life does not always work out perfectly. You have to be able to make your own choices.

    • Don't do it, bro!

  • tell her you took a pregnancy test and it was positive?

    just for laughs...

    • Lol no ofc not

    • well, she needs to be prepared...

    • No she doesn’t because I stay protected

    • Show All
  • She will get over it.

  • I’m so sorry

    • Yes. Keep going there and lie. But don’t get caught.

  • I just think your Mom is jealous of you which she should be Happy for you and you don't deserve to be put down cause you loss your virginity hey this happens to many people but I wish you the best in solving this matter, Your going to have to start ignoring your Moms drama / toxic behavior and leave the room where she's talking

    • @pink_and_inlove Don't let Mom put you on a guilt trip

    • @pink_and_inlove You're an adult she is doing this and it's not right and I would tell her you are going to a Hotel whether you go or not she can't ban you from anything tell her you will ban her from her sex life stand up to her

  • can't beleave she has a daughter like this.

    She really said that. Well I bet she was nit the perfect angle when she was young either

  • You are an adult and it's your body. Hopefully she understands that.

  • So ehat my cousin got their ass beat by their mothers for having sex and getting pregnant

    It doesn't mean shit now years later

    Everyone loves their grandbaby and everyone gets along

    • I’m not pregnant though I use protection and bc

  • Ultimately I'm sure your mother loves you and only wants the best for you. A lot of times us parents do things out of fear from the things we did or saw as kids and don't want our kids to go through it. Also the consequences are real for a girl way more then the guy. He can run away and hide a girl cannot hide from being pregnant. One last thing, try not to expect your parents to keep their cool or handle things the way you think they should if you're not going to be able to when you're in their shoes. Set the bar for them at a level you'll be able to meet when you're a parent. That's some grown kinda thinking but when we're young we think everyone else is a hypocrite and if we did some self reflecting we'd see life isn't always so cut and dry. I know I made mistakes as a parent but it was never to be mean or lazy or just not caring. I definitely know I was a difficult kid from day one and my parents made mistakes but they did their best

  • Weird almost everyone looses it in a bedroom not a hotel. Your first time shouldn't be planned out should be spontaneous. Shell get over it it's just her initial shock.

  • Why tf would you spill this confidential information to your mom? You knew she wouldn't have a positive reaction. Stop telling them shit. Tell her you known him since 3rd grade or whtever lie you need to fix it. To add onto my last point, start lying to her about everything. They must be immigrent parents because, like mine they tend to be stricter compared to parents raised in America

    You deserve to explore your sexuality, start an onlyfans, put your ass up on instagram, or whatever kink you want to try. They don't need to know everything, only the good things in your life. I do this to my parents, if/when they ask it is ONLY positive shit. Lie to her. Welcome to adulthood

  • just give it time. its a shock to tye system for most parents that they have to work through. it brings to mind that you are growing up and reminds them they are older. they worry about mistakes they did ir sern happen too. other things along these lines.

  • "Twice a month max". Survey says that is a lie. (Sorry lol)

    • But I think it's good that you told your mom. Because now you don't have to keep it a secret anymore. And I'm sure it's a relief that you finally got that off of your chest. Like others have said, she's naturally going to be upset. You just have to ride it out and give her time to get over it.

    • It’s is twice a month I only get to go to his house twice a month and we don’t usually do rounds we can’t have sex in my house

    • Oh; sorry. It just seemed to have conflicted with what you had said earlier. But maybe I misunderstood.

    • Show All
  • Show More (18)