You think I'm a freak for being a 29 year old virgin?

[TonyV]

Its fucking embarassing to me, shit most people did it by highschool, I dont know what's wrong with me, almost think I'm autistic or something. Like why can't I do what everyone else does? What is wrong with me?
I just want to be normal.

[guesswhoseback]

I’m sorry man. But all I can tell you it’s not as big as a deal as your mind has tortured you to be.

I have no idea what your background is or if you ever had an opportunity and just froze up. Hopefully you can find a patient girl to coach you.

But as for the whole prostitution thing. Yeah I get it. You don’t want to compromise your morals. But from I’ve learned ALL women are prostitutes in a way. They will always expect something from you and it doesn’t have to be money. Even the ones who seem like they truly love you are just indulging in a fantasy of an image of what they THINK you are. You always see her true colors when it comes to break ups. Women are usually more merciless about this then men. I have never in my life had a girl lay me down with gentle hands. Never.

A prostitute is ironically the most respectful to men. She flat out tells men exactly what she wants in exchange for sex. I got 100% more respect for her than some oxygen wasting selfish POS gold digger and/or women who friendzone guys for their own ends. You might want to consider it at some point.

[TonyV]

Good point, they are straight up about what they want.

[guesswhoseback]

You are going to have a bunch of women give you some feel good bs lies on here like “oh don’t worry she will come” or some other crap. These women have absolutely zero idea what it’s like to be dating as a straight man. They act like they mean well but they are really just lazy and selfish. Anyway you can make it a full time job to try to date and hopefully lose your v card. Or you can move to a country that is very conservative and marry a girl before sex (actually ideal but it’s next to impossible). Or you can drive out to rural Nevada to a brothel (or visit Mexico) But I promise you one thing. If you don’t do something different you will only get older and this will get harder. You HAVE to decide to do something different.

[eblue1992]

You are absolutely NOT a freak for still being a virgin! Society puts so much pressure on men to lose their virginity early and for women to keep their virginity until they're married that it creates unrealistic expectations for both

I know how hard it feels to still be a virgin; I was a virgin until I was 26, and have only have had two partners total

Try not to compare yourself to others. It's not about how soon you lose your virginity, but who you lose it to; the right girl (or guy) will come when you least expect it. Just be patient 😊

[Derrick_14]

What's the prove

[TonyV]

Thank you, I almost did it with a random girl not to long ago and it did make me realize that I want it to be someone inportant.

[Anonymous]

Don't be so harsh on yourself and don't let people put you down. That's the worst thing you can do. You're wasting your precious time and life on jerks who just wanna bring you down. Virginity and sex is so sexualized it's awful nowadays. I know exactly where you're coming from. Especially with age, you feel it as more of a factor and pressure but the best thing you can in the meantime is work on yourself till it happens. Make yourself happy, do things that make you smile, surround yourself with positive people/vibes. I am still a virgin at 22 and i thought id lose it by now but it wasn't meant to be and realize everything happens for a reason and has it's own timing. You probably haven't found the right girl yet and she's out there somewhere just don't rush it or give yourself to anyone unless you really want it but many people regret it later. Think about what you really want and how you can build yourself up in the meantime and sex will come in all good time with that special person. There is someone for everyone😊

[Seba5116]

I would have said something like this. How beautifully put :).

[Butterflyy88]

You're not a freak, there are people who are much older who're still virgins. I understand where you're coming from, I feel the same although I'm in my early 20s.
Try not to be so insecure, it does rub off on people and they can pick up your weakness. It's nothing to be ashamed about, you just haven't found the situation that fits you yet.

[guesswhoseback]

It’s tougher for guys on this. Our sexual experience unfairly gets weighed into our masculinity. Not saying it’s right but it’s the ugly truth.

[Butterflyy88]

@guesswhoseback I understand, unfortunately some people will be naïve and view it as a bad thing. Just know not every girl does though, I for one.

[guesswhoseback]

No not every girl just most girls.

[guesswhoseback]

You being a virgin actually makes you more of a prize by the way. If you are a virgin past 30 you might be considered weird but not pathetic. Look how at the kind of character Steve Carell played in the “40 year old virgin”. Society would never dare to mock a 40 year old female virgin that way.

[Butterflyy88]

@guesswhoseback I don't personally like being viewed as a prize, but I understand why it would be considered that. I agree with you, society puts a lot of pressure on men to be a certain way when it comes to masculinity. Unfortunately being a virgin at a certain age can cause a lot of pressure on an individual.

[guesswhoseback]

He might be better off moving to another country were men are respected. Maybe he could get an Asian bride. Or he can throw in the towel and visit a brothel. Not the ideal way to lose it obviously but at least there are no surprises in that scenario. As for you I have absolutely no idea what you look like or what your personality is. But 21 is young, very young. I know you are comparing yourself to the HS and college kids but still. If you are least semi attractive and not a psycho (you don’t sound like it) you more than likely will be approached by guys. But given your virginity you actually have a virgin in your cap approaching a guy YOU like. Anyway I hope you can lose it the way you would like best. But please don’t give it up to some asshole. Give it up to a guy who deserves it. Even if he excites you less he will treat much better, will be gentle with the process and you will look back happy that it was done by someone who cares.

[guesswhoseback]

*feather in your cap (not virgin in your cap lol)

[Butterflyy88]

@guesswhoseback I nearly fell into the trap of giving it up to an ass hole. Thankfully I have good friends who remind me of my value. I'm not the most attractive, I'd say I'm average at best with a good personality. I know there are many guy out there who're worth the wait. As for the question asker, I do hope he loses it how he wishes. Although it may be hard, there will come an opportunity. Just be wise with your choice. What ever that may be, just be sure it's one you're comfortable with.

[guesswhoseback]

He doesn’t have the options and leeway like a girl your age does. Unless lightning strikes and the perfect girl materializes chances are he has little room to be picky. But I don’t think any less of him. I know there are plenty of asshole guys and girls on here who will get off on mocking him but I won’t. I lost my virginity at 16 and I regret who I did with. But the truth is if I wasn’t naturally tall, athletic and attractive then I probably of got much less action if any. I’m usually not a stand up comedian and I’m sometimes overly empathetic. I had a chance to deflower a very beautiful 19 yr old virgin when I was 21. I pulled back because I didn’t think it was right for her to lose it in a dingy dorm room. Well she lost it alright. Lost it a month later to a random asshole.

[Butterflyy88]

@guesswhoseback Maybe I'm hopeful thinking, but I agree, I refuse to mock him. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin (if you remove society standard). I feel bad that he's been made to feel he's a freak, he most definitely is not. I don't want to repeat myself too much, but what ever he decides I hope he feels it's the right choice for him.

[Knighted2170]

There's nothing wrong with you. You just need some basic tools.

Send me a pm.

[Tea-Spaghetti]

What are some basic tools

[Knighted2170]

There is a lot to cover. There is really defining yourself. Finding traits you want to build. Learning to show those traits. Defining what you want. How to see if the other person has what you want. Being able to show the other person what you offer them beyond the obvious. And even more beyond that. These are basics. Some where along the line you didn't develope one or more of these, or you focused to hard on one. Which can be a turn off. Need to figure out what's not being shown or over shown. The actions are simple. Understanding why is another thing entirely.

[DizzyDesii]

No one knows if you're a virgin unless you go crying about it. I rather a guy be a virgin than a hoe. Dont ask, dont tell

[TonyV]

You really aren't gonna be turned off if I say "I've never done this before" seconds before we do it?

[DizzyDesii]

Almost every guy i dated after my first ex was a virgin. Its what i prefer. No i didn't have sex with them because we didn't get that far but i’d feel more comfortable doing itnwith someone whos had 3 or less sexual partners in life. I’m willing to “teach” although i only know so much myself. Find you a girl whos willing to learn TOGETHER. Not one whos expecting you to be some professional pornstar in bed

[TonyV]

Someone who is ok with "teaching" would be nice, I'm just worried most would want too.

[DizzyDesii]

Dont even mention you are one until once you reach the stage of the relationship where sex comes up. I usually dont ask about their virginity until like month 3

[TheorionMage]

Your choice IS YOUR choice.
For you, your psyche doesn't feel the time is appropriate.
Some guys,
admittedly few these days,
prefer a lifetime's 'celibacy' even unto taking on the monastic life~

[summiter]

You are getting down on yourself. I'm sure jerking off is getting old and you want a girlfriend. Just do not let being a virgin ruin your self confidence. When you least suspect it a girl will enter your life and give you some good orgasms. Do not feel embarrassed.

Try to get involved with activities where you can meet girls such as social clubs, (running.. tennis, art, volunteer groups or a gym. Have you tried Tinder or some hookup sites?

[Cherokeehp]

Nope. Everybody does it in their own time

[TonyV]

Whys my time have to take so long? I feel like a completely undesirable loser.

[Cherokeehp]

Being completely blunt, it’s certainly possible that you’re an undesirable loser, but there are tons of ways to make yourself more desirable.

[TonyV]

Well it sucks to hear that, but I do appreciate the honesty instead of "uplifting" bs. Yeah my plan is to improve myself before I really try again. I know fatter guys than me have gotten girls, I also know looks aren't everything, and that I'm funny guy, but I probably won't try again till I can at least see an outline of my abs.

[Cherokeehp]

Looks aren’t everything but they do help a lot in the sexual department.

[FictionalCharacter]

If you’re a freak, then I’m a monster. Cause I’m also a Virgin lol.

[Paolaa988]

I'm 22 and still have mine. It's pretty sad how sexualized society has become and shaped the way people should view sex but for us who still have ours, we should stay true to ourselves.

[TonyV]

Thanks for cheering me up but dont call yourself a monster.

[FictionalCharacter]

Thank you Don’t call yourself a freak 🤗

[slatyb]

Have you considered talking to a therapist about your frustration? It could help you a lot. If you can, now is always a good time to start.

[Avicenna]

It’s no big deal. Just focus on getting a girlfriend and having sex with her.

[Shorty763]

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

[TonyV]

In highschool

[TonyV]

But just the one, I'm slimming down now but I was a big boy so that and being shy dosent help either.

[Shorty763]

Ohky

[Inexpensivefurniture]

Plenty of people are still virgins in their 20's and 30's, you aren't a freak.
When you try dating, are you doing it with having sex as your ultimate goal? Because people can sense that and it's off putting. And I can understand how being shy makes things difficult, and this is in no way a quick or easy fix, but sometimes you gotta just fake it until you make it. If you act confident and relaxed long enough, eventually you will actually feel confident and relaxed

[TonyV]

Yeah for a while it was my main goal, I see now that isn't a great way to think of it. I'm not sure the best way to think, cause at the risk of sounding ignorant, if that isn't the goal why not just hang out with the guys? And being friends with a girl first seems to just make her like you as a friend so being friends with a girl almost seems like self sabatouge. I really have no idea what I should be doing. I'm just gonna work on myself for now, I got to change something before I try anymore

[Drumlin2001]

I was a 35 yr old virgin. It's not a big deal. You can still have a happy sex life in future. You need to be proactive in realising why you are where you are. I needed to see a shrink about a few things to help me have a breakthrough.

[IHateBeingaMan]

i find it interesting that she didn't view it as a red flag

[Drumlin2001]

My ex didn't care. We knew each other for a while before i was comfortable enough to tell her. It actually answered questions for her about why i hadn't made a move. She gave me time to talk it through and go at a pace i was comfortable with. I hadn't even had a kiss at that point. Things moved pretty quick once i had gotten over that mentap barrier, there was a week between my first kiss and losing virginity (she was staying at mine at weeknds)

[IHateBeingaMan]

how did you and her first meet?

[Drumlin2001]

Through mutual friends. They set us up, we talked and met up for about 6 months but as hadn't evolved into anything she drifted away. At our friends wedding 6 months later we reconnected, in between i had started therapy. We started speaking again and going out, i opened up to her and we started a relationship. Didn't last long, some unexpected circumstances, but meant a lot to me

[IHateBeingaMan]

when you say set us up, are you implying that, they both played matchmaker for you 2? as in, neither one of you had to go out of your way to pursue or meet the other?

[Drumlin2001]

They gave us each other's numbers. We hadn't met at that point. We got chatting over text and then started meeting up

[IHateBeingaMan]

so sounds like, other people took action for both you and her, it didn't normally fall on you, since historically and traditionally, men are expected to begin an interaction between a man and woman

[IHateBeingaMan]

i was wondering if you ever felt this way, i sometimes wonder if i'm one of the few guys in the world who feels this way, did you ever hate or resent the gender role that guys, men, are always expected to make the first move or initiate a relationship?

[Drumlin2001]

I had enough issues hating myself, let alone the social construct of who should do what. That was never really my issue. I had a complete mental block when it came to things turning physical. I'd get close to someone but when it came to a kiss i froze. And i refused to talk about it with people so they would not understand being friendzoned, eventually they drifted away

[IHateBeingaMan]

i assume you had to hit on your wife first or ask her out first

[Drumlin2001]

I'm not married, but well story of first relationship is long and convoluted. Friends set me up with someone, was an easier way in than a stranger. I did put more into relationship than she did but it wasn't a big issue. After she finished it, i tried speed dating and online dating. And there you do have to put in the effort, but you do in anything in life that's worth it. No pain no gain

[IHateBeingaMan]

didn't you say you have a son or daughter now? so you are no longer together with the mom?

[Drumlin2001]

I am with my sons mother. She wasn't my first. That relationship ended and i moved on. Met OH through internet dating

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Of course not. A late bloomer, perhaps, but it's not a big deal unless you feel that strongly about it. Your sex life is nobody's business unless you specifically ask about it

[meeso13]

No I don't think you're a freak at all I got married late life I was 29 my wife was 30 I designed and it had the wedding dress made she wore White neither one of us had been married or had kids from previous relationships in fact she wore white genuinely I don't tell a lot of people this but I was her first so now being 29 and being a virgin is not freakish at all and whomever you give it to make sure worthy of it and that they know the considerable gift that you gave them held on to this long you can be picky we did for two and a half years before we got married we're married before 17 and a half years before she passed away I never pushed or pressed any physical activity or any sexual activity while we were dating if we fooled around at all it was up to her and how far we went was always very respectful is any gentleman should be and make sure that whoever you are with is that way with you you deserve nothing less

[TheFlak38]

"I want to be wanted" if you had the slightest clue about women you wouldn't have a problem to pay for it. What you call "love" doesn't exist in a woman's brain. For her it's something entirely different.

[Dchrls78104]

Neither. Virginity is never embarrassing, whatever the age of the virgin. In fact, once you have never been in a relationship, virginity is WISE.

[Gedaria]

Why it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

[SenseiSeptred]

Dude, you have one of the biggest advantages to a wholesome relationship. Keeping your sacred flame can keep you healthy in other ways beyond what you might realize as well. When mine got stolen, I felt like absolute crap for a very long time to the point that I many times wished that someone would have just killed me soon afterwards due to how I was violated making me kind of like a male version of Medusa. So my dear social equal, when you find the love of your life, epic things are going to happen as long as you are patient enough to wait for it to happen and are strong enough to do so too.

[On_cloud_wine]

“Sacred flame” bahah😂

[SenseiSeptred]

@On_cloud_wine san I am being very serious, and this is not something to take lightly.

[On_cloud_wine]

Because you felt used and abused and dirty that they didn’t wanna stay and cuddle with you afterwards? Lol

[SenseiSeptred]

@On_cloud_wine san no because I was drunk and the woman still had her way with me whom I did not like as a person at all.

[TonyV]

SenseiSeptred orry someone took advantage of you buddy. Sorry people dont take it serious for guys. They'll say things like "if he was hard he wanted it". I'm a guy and I know that's not true, that thing has a mind of it's own sometimes, it gets hard when we dont want it too. Sorry to hear you first time was like that.

[SenseiSeptred]

I am trying to be more forgiving of myself though.

[On_cloud_wine]

That bitch.

[Twalli]

My girlfriend was one until 33, and I know some 34 year old guys who are virgins. Granted we all have developmental disabilities, but if you do too it's not like you're an outlier among us.

[In_Trance]

thats a little odd, but whatever works for ya

[TonyV]

I wouldn't say it "working" for me, I feel like an undesirable freak, like it shouldn't be so hard to get a woman interested enough in me to want to do it with me. My lack of social skills is so unbelievable that I almost think I have autism or something, like how can I be this bad at talking to people?

[Twalli]

If you are om the autism spectrum you can be. I am, but I interact with other people who also are.

[AFellowWeeb]

dont take it personal, but do u work?

[TonyV]

Work at what?

[AFellowWeeb]

Work in general, interact with people outside

[TonyV]

My last job, there was 1 female coworker, and we dont get customers in our job, i work construction.

[AFellowWeeb]

ho, ok, then i dunno, maybe find an hobby or something u're into, that way if u find a girl u like that does the same, u already have something in common

[Twalli]

I agree yousif need some social interaction if you don't choose a dating site. I am probably going to get a job where I will never need to leave my house, it'd be impossible to meet people in that situation if I never went out to socialize