Boyfriend convinced me to get an OF and then held it against me?

Question

Back like 8 months ago my boyfriend made the suggestion of a swingers lifestyle. Both of us were interested and had been for awhile it turns out. Everything has been fine.

Well, last month he convinced me to open an OnlyFans account. I lost my job due to Covid and our bills have been piling up. We needed some way to earn extra money and so far, my job search had come up short handed. That's why HE suggested it. So, I did. I set up pricing. Opened a private FB and Insta account to promote, the works. He actually helped me promote it.

Last night however one of the women he follows on Insta reached out to me being a petty bitch. She didn't say he was cheating or anything like that but made it very clear that they have a past and that she is still interested. I show him the message. His response to this was "Why dont you just drop it? You literally show your fucking pussy to random men but I'm going to get confronted because I follow someone on Instagram that I haven't spoken to in years?"

I know he isn't cheating. I've seen the message history between the two of them and they haven't spoken since 2015. So I truly know this is her just starting ignorant drama out of pure jealousy. However, why would do you think he hold the OnlyFans against me when I wasn't even confronting him (all I did was show him the message) and it was HIS idea to begin with?

winterfox10 · Accepted Answer

Yep. Now you know that most people can't actually handle the whole casual sex/sexually open/polyamorous thing.

Do you know what you're going to do about it yet? Your boyfriend's response is pretty common. The story always goes like this: boyfriend thinks it would be hot to have his own personal pornstar and have his girl be the envy of other men. Things are cool for a little while, but then the novelty wears off and he is left with jealousy because he feels like you are giving away your intimacy which is something that he once had all to himself.

I don't know why so many people think that they would be okay with their partner being an exhibitionist. I guess being sexually open is the cool thing to do right now? In any case; this whole thing is going to get blamed on you, regardless of whose fault it actually is, because you are the one making a profit from her jiggly bits.

Twalli · Accepted Answer

I think he didn't realize how much you having an OnlyFans would bother him, but it does.

LastQueenOfScotland · Accepted Answer

Quit the OFs? Has it uses but in terms of holding a relationship I've never seen it work out well sorry

wittymilf · Accepted Answer

He’s feeling a bit jealous of the attention your getting maybe 🤷‍♀️

RemoErdosain · Answer

Showing the message isn't as innocent as you want to make it sound. He felt your doubts, and found them hurtful, considering how much trust he has shown in you. He may also feel a bit jealous, though, but that's normal

OlderAndWiser · Answer

He can resent the fact that you are doing OF even though he suggested it because he may have felt that it was the only remaining option. I am NOT relieving him of responsibility, but you were not required to agree with the suggestion.

So you know the girl is in his past and there is nothing happening between them, but she was hoping to start some drama between the two of you. You felt the need to tell him and that completed her mission: drama created.

Truthatanycost · Answer

He convinced you, but you agreed. You could have said you weren't doing it. Therefore as hypocritical as it is, he can still resent you. After all, emotions cannot be controlled, and there are consequences for all of our actions regardless of who convinced us to do them. This relationship sounds like it has no boundaries and appears some what toxic and ego driven.