How do I get my friend with benefits (FWB) back?

[jaded19]

I was friends with benefits with a girl for a total of 5 months (FWB was her idea since she wasn't looking for a relationship, just something physical, and still isn't). For the first 3 months its like we were in a real relationship. I got tired of her flaking (she would cancel plans, last minute, about 60% of the time) and told her off 3 months into it. We stopped the pseudo-relationship but went back to just FWB. She broke things off with me 2 weeks ago since I kept pushing for a relationship. I can't go back to "just being friends" without the benefits part, which is what she wants. In these past 2 weeks I have done the cardinal sins of: trying to convince her (read: reasoning with her) to take me back, acting clingy/needy, jealous when I thought she was going out with some other guy (which turned out to not be true). I told her its best if we just stopped talking altogether. It's been the 3rd day of no-contact from either one of us...I actually would be happy with getting back friends with benefits with her (since the sex was amazing) and I like chatting with her on the phone but I can't have one without the other. Is there any way to salvage this? (We are co-workers by the way, but our schedules are different and we never have to see one another at work) Thanks for your time.

[Sillytoad]

I'm in a very similar situation. I had friends with benefits and unintentionally pushed for relationship and I didn't realize it. We both developed some feelings but since she wasn't ready or interested in a relationship, she backed off and denied any feelings but I know they were there. We're currently on a break because of me being too pushy. She said she isn't ending it, but needs time away from me. It's definitely a difficult situation.. by the way, my sex with her is amazing as well. We have amazing physical chemistry. I miss that the most.

[Sammy_J]

I'm the exact same boat... amazing to me how a man and a woman can have some amazing sex, be so compatible in bed and yet the woman doesn't fully connect and the man does.. makes me feel like a freak... I don't get it! I'm just going to break some of the rules and continue to be her friend, act A LOT less clingy and pray she gets horny again and we get it on!

[KarKingJack]

I don't think you can handle a sexual friendship, mannn.

[KarKingJack]

Pre-emptive: 'Why do you say that?' Because, you kept pushing for a relationship through ought it, and now want the sex so much that you couldn't have just the friendship. You lost sight of the boundaries from the start, and now you've lost sight of the real meaning of the friendship - which is friendship. Which is, in as few words as possible... A rookie mistake, right? Or, someone who gets very easily romantically involved, and then mistakes his lust for real desire

[jaded19]

She acted like my girlfriend for the first 3 months. I "went off on her", so to speak, because of habitual flakiness and then we just reverted back to the original FWB; However, she would still chat my ear off all the time in regards to her problems (that drove me nuts). I can't "just be her friend" because that would entail having to listen to her problems...and not get anything worthwhile in return.

[KarKingJack]

My god, your an asshole

[jaded19]

At first glance, I might appear to be "an asshole" but you have no idea...listening to her drone on about the same stuff all the time and then not get sex afterwards...Hell no.

[KarKingJack]

No, that's not what's going on, asshole. She's coming to you for support, which is at least 50% of what friendship is about, and your sitting through it going 'Ughhhh, whens she gonna get her pants off'. F***that.

[jaded19]

I understand the concept of "support" but not when someone is crying about stuff that they have the power to change. It's like an overweight person constantly complaining about never being able to lose weight...while eating tons of junk food/not exercising, etc.

[KarKingJack]

I'm not even going to bother trying to explain this to you. Honestly, blow on out of here, man. With your non-sequetor friendships.

[jaded19]

"Blow on out of here"? You do know this is my question, right...? lol

[KarKingJack]

Lol, figure of speech

[Iadoreyou87]

as much as you said that you don't want the realtionship now... I don't think you will be able to hook up with her and not having feelings.. you went down that road, before and there are big chances you will go again.. as much as the sex is good (Amazing!) with her.. is not healthy for you to try to have it again because you're going to end up hurt, and completely, end up the friendship... it wil be worst. than is now...I actually think you have developed feelings for her already!

[jaded19]

These past 2 weeks made me realize that we wouldn't work as a couple. She's a constant flake, ranges from happy happy joy joy to crazy depressed for no reason (and I have to listen and try to calm her down, etc.) I want to play with her though (and have turned down hooking up with other girls since even though we weren't together I'm a one-girl-at-a-time kinda guy...)

[toulouse]

for people who knw what they want & are not lying to themseves ts fine.

guys get hurt women get hurt. but these are people who go in wanting more & get upset when they don't get what they want, they get what they agreed to. if you have the emotional intelligence of a 6 year old, you should nt be in a fwb.

However, if you are going to lie about a fwb, you should not be in a relationship either.

[cutybrittany]

do you want a relationship or friends with benefits?

[jaded19]

I thought I wanted a relationship before but after being deprived of her sex for 2 weeks I think I'll be good with just the physical. lol

[cutybrittany]

u know in the relationship you can have sex?

[jaded19]

I know, but I realized that we wouldn't work as a couple.

[cutybrittany]

you are going to go back to your patterns..because a friends with benefits is to be with no strings attach and its obvious you have feelings.

[jaded19]

I'm trying to convince myself otherwise, but you are probably right. When she isn't in one of her crazy-depressed moods, she is one cool girl.

[cutybrittany]

everyone has their flaws...but you have to decide whether to pursue the relationship

[Sammy_J]

Are you dating my girl? I'm in literally exactly the same boat.. trying to get back into friends with benefits with her... my mistake was pushing too hard to get into a relationship when she wasn't ready..

[trinababy_x]

LOL, why would you want a FWB back? It ain't a relationship you know.

[jaded19]

Having sex with her was amazing...I could do without the relationship part if we can keep hooking up.

[trinababy_x]

it's better to find a girl who is also amazing in bed, trust me the sex will be the best and the relationship will last. This girl you are FWB will just end up getting pregnant, and you two won't be in f*cking for long because she will probs find a partner.

[jaded19]

We always use protection. What you said at the end makes sense (about her, eventually, finding another partner) but I just want to keep having fun with her until that happens. (I have turned down hooking up with other girls just because I was fiending for her sex...lol, she's good and is literally the prettiest girl I have ever been with)

[trinababy_x]

Go for it, but from the sounds of things I think you are going to start to develop feelings for her.

[jaded19]

She ended things with me because I kept pushing for a relationship but now, after 2 weeks, I realize that I would much rather have her sex then a relationship that I know will probably fail (and which she doesn't want in the first place). Thanks for taking time to answer my question though, Trinababy. :)

[trinababy_x]

It's okay, Just make sure you are happy and feelings don't get hurt.