Sexual Relationships
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I gave the guy I was dating blue balls and he got angry and walked out. Am I in the wrong or is he rude (please see details)?

I (25, f) had this guy (29) who was mentoring me in business. I found him extremely hot so I was happy to know he liked me. He asked to come and see me but he lives two hours away so he also asked if he could sleep over. Out of respect I thought sure why not, it’s a far drive. I made it a point to let him know he could stay on the couch in the living room so he could get the hint it’s not a dick appointment. When he came over we started watching a movie and then 15 minutes in we were kissing. He was being pretty intense so I’d say slow down let’s watch the movie, he’d slow down for for a bit but we were both really into it so we carried on making out - then he again progressed it, trying to finger me and then I gave in and I was pretty turned onn but things were moving way too fast. I ended up giving him a handjob as well because I felt like I had to now at this point where he’s been fingering me for ages, and then he gave me oral for like 5 mins. He tried to put his dick in me several times which again I told him no I’m not ready for that. Then he asked me for a blowjob and he was saying he can’t cum from a hand job (I tried it wasn’t working lol). I actually though we would get to know each other so again I told him no several times to which he kept asking why why, things are moving too fast didn’t seem good enough. He got upset and was ready to storm out the house and he was like you gave me blue balls, you don’t know how that feels for a guy. I was surprised that he was that upset and as he was leaving he’d calmed down so he came back inside the door started kissing me, which I kissed him back against the wall, then he pulled my trousers down and tried to put his dick inside me and then I again pulled away and this time he got angry was like what’s wrong with you, then he stormed out and he was gone.. so he didn’t sleep over after all. I was turned on but just didn’t want to do all that so quickly! Am I in the wrong, is this how men think?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • He was in the wrong. You made it clear that you didn't want sex and that he was staying on the couch, and then you made it clear multiple times that you didn't want sex. He tried to guilt you into having sex with him with the blue balls comment and pretending to storm off, then tried again when you asked him to stay. If you'd somehow suggested that you'd be having sex before he came I could understand him being a bit frustrated and feeling like he'd been led on a bit, but you didn't. He's a bellend.

    Let this be a lesson for the future though, don't invite a guy to stay at your place if you don't want sex, even if you say you don't.

    Every girl I've gone home with from a date or a nightclub has said to me "you can come and stay at mine tonight, but we're not having sex". I had sex with every single one of them, without forcing things like this, because they wanted it. Most women will say "we're not having sex" but they're only saying it so that they can pretend "it just happened", and afterwards they can say "I don't usually do this" so you don't think they're a slut. But they're asking you to sleep over for that reason. They're very rarely straight-forward about it, which is why something like this can confuse a guy, even though again he shouldn't have tried to force it the way he did and is still in the wrong.

  • You are so NOT in the wrong - he sounds like a real self-entitled jerk, you did absolutely the right thing in refusing to let him force himself into youHe not only disrespected you but he is clearly way too aggressive sexually with girls and seemed too think it was his given right to have sex with you. You dodged a bullet this time, you musn't let him back into your life, you don't need him, there's better guys out there for you

    • Thank you

    • Thanks @girlnow1 for the MHO 🌹

Most Helpful Girls

  • to be honest you should've at least gave him a blowjob at least he would've been able to cum and doing something special and intimate with him... a blowjob cuddling and kissing can go along way to relax a guy... man want action asap especially if they're hard for you.

  • This boy I was dating when I was younger always used the excuse of blue balls for me to do stuff to him wherever we were or he’d get angry. I eventually found out it was an excuse because he just liked doing stuff in strange places.

    • Wow what a prick. To be honest I’m seeing it more now, I’d never had a guy mention their blue balls in such a hurt way to me before. They were always understanding so it was new to me to have a guy who got so mad at me for it

    • Ahhh exactly girl! Follow back so I can message u about this!!

    • Followed you!

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 16

  • Actually, when you said "no" the first time, and he disrespected you by not stopping. Then trying to guilt you into finishing him off... that was more of him wanting to control and dominate you by attempting to verbally force you into having sex with him. The dude is just an asshole and a potentially dangerous one. If he had any decency, he would have chosen to respect you and just taken care of himself later on. wuteva Sorry you had to go through that.

  • You're definitely in the wrong.

  • You were right. He's a selfish asshole who only wanted one thing. You did the right thing and I'd avoid that guy in future, he's clearly no interest in getting to know you.

    • Yeah I guess so.. because it really got me thinking have I been in the wrong all this time for making out with guys and then not going all the way or offering a blowjob. I’d never had a guy that angry before!

    • I'm not going to lie, it can be frustrating to get worked and nothing happens, BUT that doesn't mean you're obligated to do anything. If the opportunity to do more in future was there, I'd still be happy that we did the things we did. He's clearly only after sex and he acted like a piece of shit.

    • Yeah you’re right thanks for the advice. Some people are real manipulative and try take advantage. Had me tripping, trying to figure out what I did wrong!

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  • He was little pushy but you was playing with fire, you let him come to your home, you let him finger you and give you oral, but in the end you didn't put out, of course you he got highly annoyed.

    • Okay lesson learnt - I won't let a man into my home again. But what's crazy is that why can't people just think differently.. like you can be in my home but not expect sex. I guess this is the world we live in, so I must never be close with a man in that sense of trusting them in my home :/

    • You 25 years old, how could you not known that allowing that man to come sleep over in your appointment is a bad idea, especially if you was not going to let him have what he wants, and you know what men usually want, and what was going to stop him when you alone with him in your appointment? as @MMM31 had said, you are lucky that it didn't ended raped on that night. Letting him come straight to your house without even dating his first was crazy enough, but you also start to truly resist him only a moment before he put his dick inside you, you was doing a lot of nasty stuff with him, and pulled away only moment before he seal the deal completely, so yea you was wrong, but to yourself and to him, for a girl that don't want to put out you done a lot of crazy stuff, and he was highly annoyed because after all that happen you pull way at the last moment, before the final round, and left him unsatisfied. Yes you should not trusted him, but you also should not wasted his time if you didn't wanted to put out, you should had known what his main goal from the very start, and yet you play along until the last moment until you turned away and left him angry and unsatisfied.

      tvtropes.org/.../AllMenArePerverts

    • Yes I'm a little irrational. Yes i'm 25 but I just came out of a 2 year relationship so I'm a little naive - I haven't been sleeping around or in those environments - i'm a christian as well so I guess it all added to my downfall. I appreciate the sincere honesty though.. it's woke me up to my illogical way of thinking so I see now how silly it was to think how I was thinking, and also allow things to progress and expect him to just be calm... because really a lot of guys can handle being hard and just accepting they didn't get any.

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  • You did nothing wrong, he's a prick

  • He was being too pushy especially after you made it clear you didn't want anything more than giving him a handjob. If he couldn't cum, that's not your problem. If he's this pushy and throwing tantrums the first time you were alone with him I doubt he's the kind of guy you will want a serious relationship with.

  • I never got the blue balls thing, so using that as an excuse to get angry is weird, in my opinion. But at the same time, not wanting to going down on him but letting him go down on you without at least warning him that you don't intend to go down on him afterwards, is wrong, in my opinion. Moreover, considering that you went that far, I'd be confused why all of that stuff was okay, but not actual penetration. 🤔

    Either way he should've just respected and listened to you.

    • Thanks. To be fair I tried stopping him going down but like I said he was quite forward. Because I don’t believe you can just sleep with everyone I don’t see sex as a transaction and it creates a connection. Even the other stuff I still would rather give it time before doing with someone but I didn’t in his case.

    • I wouldn't want sex to be a transaction either, and I'm sure it does create a connection, but wouldn't you say the same thing about all the other stuff?

    • Yes the other stuff does too, but definitely not as much as penetration. But they go hand in hand.. so it’s not like oh just because I’ve done that I may as well do everything else and go all the way..

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  • Unfortunately this is how men think and he tried everything in the dicks handbook to play you to bed. It all seems very apparent what happened to me but I'm a guy that has done this same thing so yeah... Sorry, but when y'all made out and slammed against the wall that was you basically saying to him in his head,"I give in, take me." Sorry this happened to you but your probably better off anyways. He's obviously a player and unless he gets really horny he won't be texting you back. Fuck him

    • Yeah thanks for explaining because I was actually confused. Maybe because I just came out of a two year relationship I’m not as sharp with these things but I’m seeing it more it’s manipulative as well the way he got angry.

    • It's extremely obvious in my opinion. He just did everything played by play. His intentions were to sleep with you from the start really think about it. Look how it escalated making out, fingering, handjob, oral on you, requested a blowjob, didn't work so he went to plan B of jumping immediately to sex which he would have built up to either way. When you denied it he tried to use the attraction you have for him against you as he feels like the A side. He used the fact that you like him against you. All very apparently obvious. I will say this, he sees you as nothing other than pussy. Let me tell you why, when guys like that are genuinely interested in more than just sex they will have a lot more respect and tolerance for any emotions you express and will display more patience because "your worth it" He saw you as nothing

    • Fully understand what you mean... I think it's more obvious to you as a guy. As I'm coming out of a 2 year relationship I guess I was a bit naive... feel like being in a relationship has disabled me to what the game is really like out there... Yeah I can see how if I meant more, he'd tolerate it but clearly he just wanted to try sleep with me and it didn't go as he'd planned

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  • nah i think you did good, like you said, it wasn't a dick appointment, you tried to help him out and he tried taking advantage of it, he blew it not you

  • I mean... he was definitely being too pushy and almost straight up raped you, but you also let him get away with way more shit then you should have. You have got to work on your boundaries. You can't expect a guy to be thrilled when he spends the night from over 2 hours away, has a hot and heavy make out session with you, you give him a hand job, let him finger you, etc... and then say you don't want to have sex. Obviously it's your right to draw the line where ever you want, but even after you turned the guy down, you kept kissing him; that's not a good idea. That's not okay. That is a blurred message (even if it's not a conflicting one).

    • Thank you I guess I needed to hear that. I think everything was happening so fast I was trying to slow down and my perception of who he was was changing right in front of me. I didn’t even think he’d try push for sex like that either... I think I do need to work on my boundaries. I was kissing him again because I thought he could understand if I say no that’s how far I’m willing to go?

    • It's not that he can't understand, it's that kissing isn't something you just casually do, especially not in that context. You have to remember that this guy had to drive one way, for longer then it would take to have sex. 2 Hours is more then enough time to have sex. So basically here's the context; you invite this guy to town, there is probably no reason he would be in the area if not for you. He's doing you a favor, senses your flirty vibe, and then you invite him to stay the night in your house. It doesn't matter that you told him to sleep on the couch, because that's what anyone would say to keep things open ended and low stress. Then you pop in the movie and start making out with him...

    • The kissing is a romantic build up. He think's you're into him. You went to all the effort of having him stay the night... it's not totally unreasonable to wonder if you just had cold feet. Again, I'm NOT EXCUSING HIS BEHAVIOR IN ANY WAY. But you were definitely blurring some boundaries there.

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  • Yeah, you're in the wrong on this one. Blue balls is extremely painful, and it only happens when a guy is unable to ejaculate for a prolonged time.

  • Well different guys have different views.. but from my point of view if you're not ready then you're just not.. he should better respect you..

  • A hard cock knows no boundaries.

  • did he take your sharpie away?

  • To be honest I'm not astonished that he was very angry. You are lucky that he didn't rape you. Why the hell you invite a guy for a sleepover if you don't want to have sex with him? Why you have very long foreplay if you don't want to let him in. You are either naive or stupid - especially for your age

    • Naive, I was in a 2 year relationship and the guy I was with had never put me in that position.. I just didn’t think about it like that

    • ok, I understand but it was a relationship back then. The new guy (the business mentor) wasn't in a relationship with you. It is like that. Men think that sleepover equals sex. Like it or not you won't change that. The fact that a guy likes you doesn't mean that he wants to commit. Also wanting sex doesn't mean lack of respect

    • Yes fair point, I get that logic so I need to adjust. If he likes me doesn't mean he wants to commit you're right or if he wants sex doesn't mean lack of respect. Damn I got a lot of catching up to do on this stuff... to be fair I'm also a christian and whilst in the relationship I became a stronger christian so all this stuff became wilder to me so I'm at a disadvantage in that sense..

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  • You aren't in the wrong if you weren't ready for sex him pressuring you into it was not acceptable.

  • He got frustrated you didn’t follow through so it’s like a tease to stop that far in and would get any guy mad

  • What's meant by blue balls?

  • I mean u cud have just given him a strip tease while he jerked or let him cum on ur ass or something. in my opinion this dude was way too forceful tho he shud respect going slow

    Sounds like he only wants u for sex otherwise hed be stoked to spend the night with u. U shudnt have given in to the hj and fingering that sends the wrong message

    • Yeah I suppose by giving in I painted the wrong image... I still just thought we could stop straight after that but in his head he thought he had me. Men can be trash for behaving like that

    • Yeah I mean what was he supposed to think? Make up ur mind and stick to it

    • Yes... but my mind was made up to okay I’ll allow it to this far.. but let’s stop there. He should have been fine with still getting some level of action no?

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  • 1. If you are attracted to a guy but don't want to have sex with him, inviting him to your home is a mistake. Right?

    2. You told him "sleep on the sofa" so he knew the rules before he drove two hours.

    3. He tried to change the rules after he arrived and you played along with him and it was not wise to go as far as you did if you are not going to have sex with him, but you're still within your rights to say "no."

    4. As for his blue balls, he can jerk off and fix that for himself.

    • 1. Yes fair point. I just thought 2 grown adults can respect each other in a home. He seemed mature so I thought surely it’s fine. 2. Yes I told him he could sleep in the living room so that was me hinting I won’t be sleeping with you 3. This makes so much sense you’re right, I guess I always thought guys also enjoy making out without going all the way 4. Glad to know because he made me feel like I didn’t know what blue balls were when he said that. He said you’re not a man so you don’t know what that feels like so I thought it’s that bad?

    • "Blue balls" can hurt but is easily relieved with sexual release.

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > I gave the guy I was dating blue balls and he got angry and walked out. Am I in the wrong or is he rude (please see details)?