I allowed him to use me for sex because I was in love? Is this my fault?

I was seeing that guy for a month.
He was mostly interested in sex but I was in love and I though it could change.
He told me "you are amazing girl but i am not looking for a relationship now". But still he continued to see me for sex so I though I had a chance.
He met another girl after a month and get in a relationship with her immediately and I just feel like a fool. My best friend told me it was all my fault because I was stupid and I let him use me. I think the same, i feel disgusted with myself.. how can I forgive myself?
0 0

Superb Opinion

  • You need to take responsibility for your decisions. He was honest and up-front with you, and told you what the situation was. That was your opportunity to either continue or to drop him and move on. YOU chose to continue, so that's on you.

    Most people have to learn this lesson: if someone tells you how they feel, and it isn't what you want to hear, BELIEVE THEM, and never, EVER assume that they're going to change their mind, because it's very rare that they do. If a man tells you that he wants to date you but doesn't see himself getting married, BELIEVE HIM and don't think he'll change his mind about getting married later on. If a man tells you that he doesn't want kids, BELIEVE HIM and don't assume he'll want kids later.

    Life is not like books and movies, where things work out for the main characters in the end. Love does NOT conquer all. Compatibility is incredibly important, and just because two people are attracted to each other does not mean that they're compatible.

    Having said that, it's okay to have a relationship with someone for a time and just enjoy it for what it is, even though you know it'll never get serious or never last forever - but you have to be the kind of person who doesn't deceive yourself into believing that things will change and become what you hoped. When someone says "here's my limits", you must believe them!

Most Helpful Guy

  • first and most important rule is,... you can't change someone to your liking. yes, you CAN change someone just by interacting with them (as you, yourself will change, too) but its not something you can steer in the direction you want it to go... they will change in the manner that nature takes them, which may be worse, may be better, or may be a change that you dont even know about, but people are always changing as they learn, experience and get to know new things and people... sometimes bad things happen to us that also causes change within us, but NEVER think that anyone will change to be more of what you want them to be... if it happens, great, but to expect it is like waiting to win the lottery... you are going to be disappointed.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey 🌻,
    Sometimes people are selfish and that has nothing to do with you and everything to with them, you were genuine and you were a good person don’t beat yourself up just because someone couldn’t see your worth or step up. Just take the lesson and try to move forward and heal now you know something you didn’t before right?
    So just keep that with you and be safe

    • Yes of course, it was a good lesson for me. Just that I probably should have known it before

    • Hang in there okay 🌻

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 15
  • You learn from it, chalk it up to experience and move on. Try to not project his behavior on all men. Just be more careful and follow the advice of Maya Anjelou: When people tell you who they are, believe them. Trying to change a man is a losing strategy.

  • You were young, naive and inexperienced. Live and learn.
    At least you're NOT carrying his baby
    as an unwed single mother w/o child support from this 'Playah' ~

    "Fool me once shame on you; fool me TWICE shame on ME"

  • Time to move on. Was the sex with him any good?

  • Yes it was your fault because he told you he wasn't gonna be in a relationship with you. But you don't have to blame yourself just learn from it and make a better decision next time. I don't think dating is easy for anyone we all make fools of ourselves that's just how it is.

  • How was the sex? It's way past time to get over the idea that men "use" women for sex. Sex can't be traded for love or commitment. A woman who doesn't try to trade sex for something else can't be used. Have sex only because you want to have sex. Then you won't feel used.

  • How he use you for sex. Sex isn't a onesided thing. would you still fuck him if he shit at it. Maybe girl he met closer interests then him.

  • Accept what happened is the only way. If you feel like you want to change a new leaf that is what life is all about

  • Who doesn't make mistakes in their life? You did a mistake, you learned a lesson from it and that's it, just move on! I know it hurts really bad and it will be stuck on your mind for a period of time but that's totally normal because that feeling is what makes you learn. It's the same way little kids learn, they don't know something like fire hurts until they touch it, they cry a lot because it hurts however that teaches them a lesson for the rest of their life to not touch fire again. The same thing happens with adults, we do dumb mistakes because of various reasons (your love for that guy in your case), but we learn from them and move on eventually.
    PS: you can't blame the guy because he made it crystal clear from the beginning that he's not interested in a relationship with you.

    • Well but he just said "i am not ready for a relationship now". He didn't tell me he didn't want it with me. I know it was obvious but shouldn't he make it more clear?

    • Maybe he thought things could change in the future

  • Well, it's half your fault no question

  • In sex there is no user or using. This mind is completelely wrong

    • It is in this case unfortunately... i wasn't even enjoying it, he didn't care. Still i allowed it , i feel disgusted with myself

    • If you love him how you dont enjoy sex? If you dont enjoy sex with him, sure you dont love him.

    • Sorry I completely don't understand your point of view

  • its on you bub, you agreed to be used for sex and he thought it was a mutual agreement.

  • Ohhh God bless you. You are amazing

  • Just think you had good sex though

  • learn from this bad experience

  • Don't be an emotional fool.